One of the most sad and troubling statements I have ever heard, is when he told me that he couldn’t cry…..

It was a long time ago, and we had just started getting to know each other. I will never forget the day, we had our first conversation about our childhoods and pain. He told me that he doesn’t have the ability to cry anymore. He told me that when feels to cry, he feels sad, but tears don’t come out… I couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. I was looking him directly in his eyes, analyzing him. I immediately looked at him differently after hearing that, I understood him more. The look in his eyes made sense to me now. He looked defeated by his true feelings, as if he had given up. I knew I wouldn’t be able to repair him, but I also knew he truly trusted me.

I had never been to a funeral, and never experienced a close friend or family death. When he spoke about losing his father so suddenly and abruptly, it truly touched me soul. One of my biggest fears in life. I could not imagine losing a parent, especially at that age for them and I. He felt that he had to be strong for his mother, and his siblings, as though it was his responsibility. He showed me a few photos of him after his father’s death, he looked sullen, thin, and extremely stressed out. In a moment, I 100 percent understood his place in his family, and the damage that his mother inflicted on his spirit.

I thought, WOW. I thought I was damaged..I guess I wasn’t as damaged as him, I could still cry…my tears were able to flow effortlessly.

I felt sorry for him. It’s one of the most heartbreaking things I had ever heard. We bonded over our pain in a moment, which is sad in itself but beautiful at the same time.

Stay tuned for my next post.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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