I’m going to share a personal story with a very valuable lesson regarding protecting yourself. I have written about self preservation and boundaries in the past, it all ties into maintaining your mental health.
Years ago after my mother’s passing, I was forced to make a decision that I wish I didn’t have to make. I decided to stay away from people that I considered my loved ones. The last straw was an unprovoked confrontation that was literally brought to my door. It left me feeling violated, betrayed and dirty. I cried to my Aunt that I had NEVER in my life felt so disrespected. My uncle called it an “ambush” and told me there was no excuse for it, it was wrong PERIOD. He advised me to stay away, and added that we are in the “last days”….
I had a quick dream several months before the incident, but I kept it in my mind archives. I filed it away, like I do with any dreams that may be important. I dreamt that I looked out my door peep hole, and there I saw them standing. They came out of nowhere, giving no heads up, no phone call, no text no email. I knew this wasn’t good, they did not come with good intentions. I didn’t answer the door, then I woke up.
I didn’t need a dream to warn me though, I felt the malice from kilometers away. I made a very conscious decision to stay as far away from them as possible. I already made several attempts to have a rational conversation. Both sides had already said negative things about each other. We both felt we were in the right, but dealing with my mother’s passing in a healthy way was top priority. My feelings about them, or fighting was not important to me.
The evening that they showed up at my front door unannounced, I went against my basic common sense, my instincts, and my intuition. They don’t travel all the way down to my place just for the sake of a visit, but all of a sudden here you are.
I always trust my intuition, but this time I went against myself, to appease the group. It’s very difficult being a part of a group, a family that you didn’t sign up to be in. Your rank in the group has already been created for you, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. The best you can do is contribute what you can to the group, and try not to step on any toes. I felt I owed it to them to let them in my space. I felt that since we’re related, it would be rude and disrespectful to leave them in the hallway.
They really didn’t deserve to come in my house, they did not deserve for me to waste my breath talking to them. They came for a fight, simple as that, and I saw and felt the evil intent. I only knew they were angry and bothered, because they made it a point to confront me. They used the guise of a “family intervention”(to question what was MY problem) but it was actually an ambush. Many of my relatives told me that I was ambushed and it was extremely wrong and uncalled for. They were upset about this, and I felt extremely hurt, betrayed and violated. The fact that I was accosted in my own space, by my own, changed my trust and expectations of people from then on.
I heard through the grapevine that they want to attempt to have a “meet up” to talk. My answer is, NO. There are no negotiations when it comes to my safety. If you will get in my face, threaten me or try to put your hands on me simply because I don’t agree with your actions, I don’t need to be around you!!! I don’t care if we are related or not. Some people are simply, who they are. They only need you around to feed off your energy, or to validate them. By validate, I mean helping them feel like they are not that bad. I never stated anybody was bad, but by me choosing to consistently keep my distance, made them feel bad.
It’s been about seven years since this happened, the incident scarred me, but I understand why it happened. I still feel uncomfortable writing about this, and I have been vague with some details out of respect for them.
I have more to share, stay tuned for my next post.
Love and Respect,