I apologize for the delay, I meant to post days ago, but have been preoccupied and could not seem to complete a blog. I had a dream about my mother a few nights ago that I feel compelled to share with you, although it was difficult for me to come to grips with. The dream was short, and I couldn’t remember the begin or middle but I could remember the end. You ever have those dreams that seem as though they only last a few seconds long, right before you wake up? Those Dreams stick with me the whole day, and I make sure that I look into them, especially if the subject was meaningful.
As much as I try to be transparent and share my dreams to the best of my ability, I feel very vulnerable doing so. Dreams don’t always make sense, and making sense of them while sharing them with the world, is scary. There’s always the fear of being misunderstood. Anyways, this was my dream:
I was in the kitchen, in our house. Mother was telling me that she wanted us kids to do a chore, that we did not do. I was hugging her, hugging her tightly, and she spoke to me. For some reason, I was hugging her tight, but she wasn’t herself, her “real” self. She was just a paper thin figure, but it didn’t make a difference to me, because as I could feel her energy. I knew it was her, I could feel her soul. I was holding onto her energy, her caring nature, her kindness her laid back disposition, the traits of her I miss the most. As I told her, sorry, you’re right mom, we should’ve done as you said, I woke up, still squeezing….I realized I was trying to hold on for dear life to her energy, then I felt sad.
I’ve never had a dream like that before, but I know exactly why I had it. I miss my mom, but it’s more than that. I long for the closure of knowing that she has a proper burial. I long for the closure of knowing that I can remember or speak of her, minus the unfinished business issue. Minus the guilt that goes along with it. Minus the issue with my siblings, the misunderstanding, the unnecessary mess that I almost died trying to clean up.
I only shared this dream with one of my closest friends. I didn’t even want to, I felt embarrassed, low and sad. I cried as I shared the details and my longing for closure. That’s all I can say for now.
Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.
Love and Respect,