PT2 About That Dream ๐Ÿ’ญ: The Dream I Didn’t Share About Mom…. โณ ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿฟ ๐ŸŒน

I had a dream in December that I felt compelled to share, but didn’t. I had the draft unfinished in my folder since December. I decided I should share it, and it felt good to share my last dream. I appreciate the likes and positive feedback. I especially appreciate that people actually took the time to read it. I know it will not bring me closure, but I do feel better, stronger, and lighter when I share these type of dreams. So, here goes:

It was a pleasant dream, only because of the way she appeared, and how she looked. I left the paragraph in draft status, and added a few details here and there.The dream had a double meaning, and I put two and two together. It left me feeling sombre. I had just had an awkward and heated exchange with the “group” I’ll call them. We were on the porch of an old house that I had never seen in my life. I was standing alone on one side, as the group was on the opposite side. As I walked towards them, I was stopped, and repelled by a swift arm motion by one of them. It felt like a magnet repelling another magnet. I was being pushed away, rejected, repelled. I stayed back, didn’t even question it. Then I turned and ran away. I ran away to find somewhere to hide. I wanted to get away.

I ended up in some room then my mother suddenly appeared in the doorway. She stood in the arch, glowing. My mother looked so beautiful, and she was glowing so bright. I loved the fabric, and the pattern of her hair scarf. Her hair was wrapped perfectly, it was perfectly symmetrical. She looked regal. She spoke a few words to me in a casual tone, but I was not focused her words. I was just happy and relieved to see her. I do not remember exactly what she said. I felt safe, I felt as though she came to back me up, to reassure me that it was okay. She understands what my mission was. I felt as though I had an alibi…

I woke up feeling sombre, yet relieved to have seen her again. I was holding on the snapshot of mom and her beauty and beautiful energy. I knew the meaning of the dream, but I felt sad and powerless.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me@:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

About That Dream ๐Ÿ’ญ :Paper ๐Ÿ“„ Thin, Holding On๐Ÿ’”…..

I apologize for the delay, I meant to post days ago, but have been preoccupied and could not seem to complete a blog. I had a dream about my mother a few nights ago that I feel compelled to share with you, although it was difficult for me to come to grips with. The dream was short, and I couldn’t remember the begin or middle but I could remember the end. You ever have those dreams that seem as though they only last a few seconds long, right before you wake up? Those Dreams stick with me the whole day, and I make sure that I look into them, especially if the subject was meaningful.

As much as I try to be transparent and share my dreams to the best of my ability, I feel very vulnerable doing so. Dreams don’t always make sense, and making sense of them while sharing them with the world, is scary. There’s always the fear of being misunderstood. Anyways, this was my dream:

I was in the kitchen, in our house. Mother was telling me that she wanted us kids to do a chore, that we did not do. I was hugging her, hugging her tightly, and she spoke to me. For some reason, I was hugging her tight, but she wasn’t herself, her “real” self. She was just a paper thin figure, but it didn’t make a difference to me, because as I could feel her energy. I knew it was her, I could feel her soul. I was holding onto her energy, her caring nature, her kindness her laid back disposition, the traits of her I miss the most. As I told her, sorry, you’re right mom, we should’ve done as you said, I woke up, still squeezing….I realized I was trying to hold on for dear life to her energy, then I felt sad.

I’ve never had a dream like that before, but I know exactly why I had it. I miss my mom, but it’s more than that. I long for the closure of knowing that she has a proper burial. I long for the closure of knowing that I can remember or speak of her, minus the unfinished business issue. Minus the guilt that goes along with it. Minus the issue with my siblings, the misunderstanding, the unnecessary mess that I almost died trying to clean up.

I only shared this dream with one of my closest friends. I didn’t even want to, I felt embarrassed, low and sad. I cried as I shared the details and my longing for closure. That’s all I can say for now.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me@:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

In The Meantime: Small Emergency Stash ๐Ÿ”ฆ๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ•ฏ ๐Ÿ“š….

What we can do in the in meantime, while we’re spending more time in the great indoors:

1. It can’t hurt to slowly add to your stock of emergency items. Look over your supplies, especially if you haven’t in a year or so. Try to have an assortment of items, and seasonal items. Flashlights, emergency led lights, any type of battery operated light, is good investment. Make sure you have a few lighters and candle lighters as well, these items are cheap at your local/franchise dollarstore. I also finally decided to invest in a few waxless battery operated candles, which has helped me save money. I was reluctant to try them, because I thought the ight wouldn’t be adequate, but I was pleasantly surprised. They give a comforting glow, and they provide an adequate amount of light, similar to a real candle. They are great investment, especially for the winter season, give them a try if your into candles.

Here’s a pic of an amazing incredibly bright LED light gadget. It’s actually a flashlight, sold at a dollarstore near you.

2. Last year, I noticed that we had a few blackouts in less than a week. They didn’t last long though, but they reminded me that I should better prepare for them. The rainy stormy weather is usually what brings them on, but sometimes that’s not the cause. I was told by a co-worker that the heat in their downtown building was out for THREE weeks, coming into the New Year. That’s definitely not the way to start the year, but considering the times we’re in. She’s also pregnant to boot! Going without heat for that long, could be fatal to her and child. This happened downtown where the rent for a small condo is super high! So with that being said, try to prepare for power outages. We’re living in extra strange times, I feel as though we’re being experimented on, like lab mice…I’ll leave it at that.

3. Purchase extra items for leisure, for your “emergency stock” that will help get you through a potential power outage. Pencils, paper, notebooks, pencil crayons, bristol board, stickers crayons, crossword/wordsearch books, board games, books and magazines on topics that you enjoy, a separate portable DVD player (kept plugged in and charged up), dvds, music CD’s. These things are good to have ready on hand in the event that the internet goes down. If you have children, I recommend packing these items in gift bags with tissue, or even a large gift box, to make it fun for children. They will enjoy unwrapping these mystery presents. They will view these items as special, and important, which they are!

That’s all for now. I hope at least one of these tips are useful in some way. See you next post:)

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me@:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

In The Meantime: Continue Cutting Back โœ‚๐Ÿ›๐Ÿซ ๐Ÿ’ต ๐Ÿ’ญ…..

Investing in your peace of mind, in the meantime, doesn’t take much, time, or energy. It’s very easy to do, and the rewards lasts a lifetime. You just need to prioritize and continue to cut back, as you would on unnecessary unhealthy foods. The more you cut back, the more you’ll realize you don’t need many extra things. The fact that the economy is going through major changes, it’s the perfect time to implement changes. I haven’t posted a food related blog in a while, but I have some good news! I no longer have need for a piece of chocolate, or anything chocolate everyday. I also have a large bag of chocolate that has lasted for months. I haven’t had the need to add chocolate to my grocery list. I don’t need it, and my cravings have decreased tremendously. Through these stressful times where I have more excuse to eat more chocolate, plus we’re forced to stay inside, by law. I’m proud of myself! That money I haven’t had to spend on chocolate has been going towards healthier food that sustains me.

Another way that I have helped satisfy my need for sweets, is by burning sweet scented candles. I never thought that I’d be a fan of them, compared to my usual favs. Sweet, flavourful, rich, candle scents make up for the sweets that I cut back on. I love pumpkin pie, but since I’ve cut back, the pumpkin pie candle is the best substitute. I haven’t been buying cookies, pastries, or pies as a need any more. I still like them, and crave them, but they are a special treat once a month or so.

I have more to say on this topic, but I’ll continue in another blog.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me@:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

What Should We Expect?๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ’ญโ“โ„๐Ÿƒ

So, we’ll all be staying home…. for a while. Mentally prepare yourself to be as comfortable as you can, inside. The mainstream news constantly reminds us, what trouble we may get into, if we dare break these rules. So fresh air has become it’s own currency, that’s becoming out of reach. I hate to say that, but it’s true. The weather has been amazing for this time year, no ice, sleet or snow to trudge through. Almost fall-like, ironically my favourite season extended. Unnatural man-made, affected weather, but a blessing in disguise. Going outside to run errands, while filling my lungs with fresh air, is one of the highlights of my day. Unfortunately that has become much more of a privilege, than a basic human right. It’s crazy that we must “schedule” going outside and getting fresh air. I say all this, but I am not complaining. I’m simply sharing one aspect the “triple-double-down- shutdown”, what I named it. The fact that I can be censored for sharing what I see, is very disappointing but I’m not surprised.

I took this photo weeks ago, on my walk home. It’s very close to home. I’ve taken notice of this business since March, and it’s sad to see now it looks as though it’s been robbed. If I ever break my favourite gold chain, again, the one I wear everyday, the one I’ve lost and found, the one I bought as a gift to myself in 2014 for making it out of tough times, I won’t have any place to go to and get it fixed.

I have a lot more to share, but I have to go to sleep for work. See you in my next post.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

โ„๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ“œWelcome To 2021๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿฝ…..

It never feels different from the day before, but hey we’re here. I’m happy and feeling blessed that I made it through 2020. I’m happy that you made it through too, Happy New Year!

This has been one of the only business that has maintained and stayed open during this pandemic. A good handful have closed for good, or have closed and are being replaced by a franchise, or are now closed until further government announcements. It’s a shame. The mainstream news continues to emphasize our more on our troubles to come, but not on what we should do to cope. No “expert” guests or doctors, providing tips on how to eat healthier, or tips to improve our immune system. I will be sharing my own personal eating healthier/how to cut back tips in another blog. This year I’ll be sharing more in general, and I’m excited to do so!

Salute to all the local markets who have made it to 2021, despite the shutdown. As more and more of the city seems to perish, I must express my gratitude. They’ve been a life saver for me, and of course a money saver! I wouldn’t have been able to make it residing in this area without them. I took this photo outside of the produce market, while shopping on the evening of Jan 1st. It was in the midst of blowing snow, but you could never tell by the picture. I don’t mind trekking out in the windy snow to run some errands, I need the exercise and the weather has been very reasonable. No crazy snowfalls, we’ve been blessed considering the current climate. Ironic the weather is good, and we’re not supposed to go outside.

I’d like to share a little story about how much the new norm has had an affect on me, more than realized:

I went on road earlier than usual, before my shift, because I was in desperate need of a portable heater. As I walked quickly, weaving in and out of the crowd, I came face to face with an elderly woman, with a walker. As I tried to quickly pivot around her, I thought she was trying to social distance. I notice many elderly folks have an air of worry, which is understandable. I felt guilty that maybe I had tripped her up, so I stepped aside of the crowd. The lady rolled up to me, keeping her distance, and politely asked me for the time. I felt very silly, because I didn’t realize that she was actually trying to approach me the whole time! I assumed that I was in her way, and also was trying not to make her uncomfortable, by keeping my distance! As she said Thank you, I told her have a nice day. I walked away feeling odd, I realized how this social distancing thing has really got to me!

This year is definitely going to full of new “New Norms”, and I’m doing my best to prepare.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Those Holiday Expectations ๐Ÿ™„๐ŸŽ„โณ๐Ÿ’ญ…

Christmas day was exactly what I expected it to be. I had worked the night before, and was exhausted the next, and slightly anxious. I wasn’t sure that I would see my family, even though my beastie cousin invited me to Christmas dinner. I assumed she would be doing the majority of the cooking, organizing the house, and dropping off/picking up family. I assumed that she would be too tired, or run out of time, by evening. I assumed she’d run out of steam, and not be able to trek all the way to midtown and pick me up. I was right. I wasn’t mad or upset about it, just a little disappointed. It was one of my only days off in a extremely grueling work week. I truly wanted to spend my off day with my extended family, I miss them more than ever.

My intuition told me that she was probably had burned out, and was exhausted. Come to find out, I was right. I went the whole day and didn’t address it, I was too tired. By night, I texted her to check in, and let her know that I wasn’t quite sure what the day would bring, because I didn’t hear from her all day. She promptly replied, in broken text, that she was out all day, didn’t sleep well, and wasn’t feeling well, but it was NOT the virus. She added “SMH” and that her “body said no mo”. I knew she was tired ASF. I hoped she would get some quality rest, and would feel better by the next time we talked.

So, Christmas was exactly what expected, but Thankfully, I don’t get caught up in holiday expectations. What are holiday expectations you ask? Well you didn’t ask, but in case you don’t know, I will explain. Holiday Expectations, are those elements that are associated with the holiday season: Putting up a Christmas tree, Christmas lights, purchasing and receiving gifts, buying fruit cake and or making rum cake, Christmas bun, gathering with all of my relatives, buying chocolate, buying candy, buying cookies, buying and/or receiving Christmas cards, time off of work/vacation time, kindness and or understanding from others, a big holiday budget…I don’t get caught up with Holiday Expectations. I stopped that way of thinking a loooong time ago.

Growing up I was blessed with having the most amazing Christmas’s, even at the worst of times. My mother (RIP)made sure to make our Christmas magical, and I truly enjoyed the time I spent with my five other siblings. I feel very, very blessed to have those memories. It’s good enough for me! I don’t need anything but food and a roof over my head, in order to enjoy my holidays. Some folks still don’t understand that about me.

This year has come with a whirlwind of unpleasant surprises, and making through is a blessing. I don’t need people to give me anything, spending money and energy they need to preserve. It always saddened me to hear about the stats of folks going through depression during winter and the holiday season. I told myself I would not allow myself to get caught up in that, regardless of what’s going on in my life.

I took this photo on my daily brisk walk home, weeks ago before the snow. I was surprised to see such a large artificial tree, put up in this little parking lot. It looked a little out of place to me. It’s cool that they put up this humongous tree in the parking lot. It’s cool they can afford the energy cost to keep it lighted, but, Aren’t we going through a pandemic??? Which business had this tree put here? Is it from the city? (Shrugs)

I will continue on this subject in another blog. In case I don’t post before then, Have a safe and blessed start to your New Year. Don’t sweat the extras, just appreciate that you made it through the holidays, to 2021.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely