More Than Memories, My Appreciation❤️🙏…….

Continuing…..

A few days later I had a fulfilling conversation with my bestie cousin, about the good and bad. I was able to speak my true feelings, and about memories that came back to me. I was able to release pain and disappointment I still feel, about us as a family not collectively celebrating her. Listening to other people talk about her, and that they feel the same, meant a lot to me. I’m reminded that others haven’t forgotten how special she was, or what she gave to us.

I was always at peace with her departing the earth plane, I felt she deserved and needed a break. I miss her, but it was more important for me to honor who she was, than wallow in sadness. To this day I feel the same, and I’m hurt that her legacy has not been honored the way it should be.

It’s more than just the memories it was the effort she put forth, that allowed us to create them. The worst of times growing up, have a memory or two that help me appreciate those times. I have a great appreciation for nature and outdoor activities, because she took us to parks and accompanied us on Creek walks. She made sure to enroll us in a summer camp program or some type of activity, despite being a single mother. She always encouraged me to write, to draw, to express my creativity, all through my life. I appreciate her greatly for that.

Every year I wish I could sit down with her, and tell her how much I appreciate what she did for me, for US. Thank you Mom.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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August 30th 2019 R.I.P🌹🙏😔 More Than Memories…..

I took a break from posting online, but I’m back:) From the day of Mom’s passing anniversary, I’ve pretty much been ghost. Every year is different, and this year I stayed to myself and avoided frivolous conversations. I went away and put myself in a quiet space. I allowed my self to feel what I feel, and I’m glad that I did. I didn’t feel the need to post my feelings on social media on the day, or post a dedication. I didn’t receive a text or call about the day, and that was okay, but still made me ponder….I thought a lot about her, and lessons that she taught me. I thought about how actually doing as she taught me, caused others to resent me. I have a deeper appreciation for her every year, as I grow older. It hurts my heart and bothers my conscience that I still haven’t been able to properly celebrate her with the ones I grew up with….Since August 30th I think I grew a little. When it comes to my feelings, and facing more than the memories of her, I accept where I stand. There’s more to share, in my next blog. Stay tuned:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Just Some Thoughts🤔:It Shouldn’t Hurt To Be Tolerated…..

We tolerate strangers on a daily basis and don’t do them any harm, but one who is close to you, feels entitled to get at you.

This is one of the worst truths I was forced to learn in my life so far. I don’t enjoy writing about it, but it actually has helped me to feel more safe in the world. This has helped me to became more brave and free. I started to put myself out there, without a fear of being harmed. A stranger can not hurt me, or my feelings any worse than a loved could.

We tolerate strangers on a daily basis, no matter how unbearable, but we don’t do them any harm. The smelly dude on the subway, who plops himself down next to you in the corner two seater, and falls asleep on your shoulder, doesn’t get an elbow to the eye?!! Of course not, he gets a gentle nudge to wake him up, and an apology for bothering him. Unless you are a very rude and ignorant individual, you will naturally be more cautious while dealing with strangers. I always try to tread lightly and carefully when it comes to total strangers in public. I expect not to have to get into a confrontation with them in an awkward situation. The upside of it, is that folks appreciative it, and Thank me for it, most of the time.

As I said in my previous blog, the ones closest to you feel entitled to “get at you” and mistreat you, because they know you. They feel the liberty to treat you worse than a stranger, instead of quietly simply tolerating you. If you are able to stomach the mistreatment, you have the choice to quietly tolerate them, or not. I hope this post helps you, if you are currently or have had this problem.

Even with the most love in your heart, and good intentions, “they” still may not like or know how to tolerate you. Always protect your energy, don’t sacrifice it just to be around them.

Stay tuned for my next post, Goodnight 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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(Cont’d) Just Some Thoughts🤔:They Don’t Like You, They’re Just “Used” To You…..

The folks you think should care the most about you, because you were born into a group with them, simply may not like you. They are just used to knowing you, which means they are tolerating you. I know this sounds very negative, but it’s the truth. For self preservation it’s best to keep your distance.

It’s best to keep your distance, you have to protect yourself, physically and emotionally. Self preservation is the most important reason, risking offending them is not even relevant. The beauty of growing up, into adulthood, is that you can make this decision before a problem arises. Believe you me, something will always happen, to remind you how they feel. They will feed off of your energy whether you give it to them intentionally or not. Their goal is to hurt you and to see you squirm. Tolerating a person should not bring them any harm. We tolerate strangers on a daily basis and don’t do them any harm, but one who is close to you feels entitled to get at you. I hope that makes sense to you, it’s a terrible thought to share, but it’s the truth. Stay tuned for my next post, Good Morning or Good Night 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Paying Attention To Distractions🙄, What Is Going On?🤷…..

Sometimes I feel as though I am a human video camera…observing, documenting, and recording us humans in these times. If these are supposed to be the last days, I guess that explains why our priorities as humans are completely out of whack.

It’s difficult for me to watch adults pay more attention to their cell phones than their own children. If it’s not a cell phone it’s something else distracting them from keeping at least one eye on their child/children. I can’t count how many times I have seen little children, babies, toddlers running around the mall by unaccompanied. I have actually witnessed little ones close to the size of a doll, alone in the halls, no adult in sight. A few times I had to approach an aloof security guard and bring him to a child that may be lost. I think to myself, does anybody else notice these children??? Why does it always seem to be me who sees them, all the while people walk by not noticing. A few of my friends who work in the mall, complained about this too. When they see these children in their stores, they are reluctant and fearful to approach a nearby adult who they think is the parent. They, as I, worry that they may be yelled at or treated with disrespect. We are in a PC culture where accidentally offending a parent could result in a confrontation. Sometimes this is due to a culture and language barrier, folks may react different than expected. They may not appreciate being approached or questioned about their child.

Back in the day, you could approach a stranger with ease and ask them if a wandering child belongs to them. Even if they were offended in some way, they showed their appreciation by keeping their feelings to them self. They were thankful that somebody cared enough to ask about their child. It seemed to be a priority, for all of us….Or maybe it’s just me?

Take Care until my next post.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Just Some Thoughts🤔:They Don’t Like You, They’re Just “Used” To You…..

Had I went with your agenda, maybe you wouldn’t have attacked me, or “came for me” and maybe we’d be hanging out right now. Maybe you would still “like” me and would call me, just to talk about nothing. Had I not listened to my gut, Lord knows you could have baited me into a fight. I would’ve ended up blaming myself for putting myself in a vulnerable position, because simply being around you is a hazard for me. I know you don’t really like me, and I really don’t know why, but it really is not my problem. I don’t say much to you, I don’t put you down or judge you. I’ve never laid a hand on you. I never had a desire to fight you, I would agree with you just to keep the peace. Some people have told me that you are jealous of me, but I never thought that. They told me that I can not see it, but they can, from the outside looking in. That thought never crossed my mind, especially because I looked up to you. I admired you and I learned a lot from you, I looked to you as a role model. It confused me that you could not, or did not want to see that. You can give your best and try to do your best by those you love or claim to love you, but it doesn’t guarantee that they will reciprocate. I can’t help but express my disappointment. Now that I am older, I exercise my right to keep my distance from anyone that my instincts tell me is no good for me. They say you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends and people you choose to associate with.

The folks you think should care the most about you, because you were born into a group with them, simply may not like you. They are just used to knowing you, which means they are tolerating you. I know this sounds very negative, but it’s the truth. For self preservation it’s best to keep your distance. That’s all for now, stay tuned for my next post.

Good Morning or Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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Boundaries&🚷🙅Protecting Yourself…..

Continuing from Boundaries and Home Life…..

The time I spent as a child in woman’s shelters had a significant impact on me, both good and bad. I’m sure my mother never expected to have to be housed in a shelter with all of us. I was too young to understand how bad our situation really was. My innocence was protected as much as possible and I will forever be Thankful to my Mother(RIP) for that. The rules and boundaries she set were the only shield we had. Shelters are “open season”, you do not know exactly who or what you are dealing with. I never considered myself any different than the people around us. That could have been attributed to my innocence and upbringing, I was never taught to discriminate based on appearances. I didn’t fear the ladies with the hard exteriors or needle hole scars all over their arms. I was that child who was quiet and shy, people would pinch my cheeks and st me on their lap. I would sit with them as they had adult discussions, trying not to squirm. I was trying to be polite. One day my Mother explained the dangers of our new environment after she noticed me sitting with the ladies. I’ll never forget what she said, she told me that I must be careful when I’m around these ladies because they are not “like us”. She didn’t get into detail, but she did inform me that they were still strangers who could possibly hurt me. When I grew up I realized what she was trying to relay to me. Some of the women were from and still involved in the dangerous street life, some of them were criminals, some not mentally stable or on drugs.

She was trying to protect me, without putting other people down, I understand why she chose to explain that way. I listened to her, and held that lesson close to me throughout my life…..

I’ll continue in my next blog.

Good Morning or Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W