I Can’t Help But Think💭🙄😥…..

The very unfortunate, heart-wrenching, senseless murder of  George Floyd(RIP) captured on camera by a bystander has shook the world. I tried to avoid watching the footage, because I didn’t need the picture in my head. I ended up watching one of my favourite YouTube journalists covering the story, and the clip was included.

The footage of him, terrified, fighting for his life, laying on the ground with a cop’s knee digging into his neck deeply upset my spirit. I felt an erie vibe, seeing George “passing out”, I was very upset, and the stress started getting to my head. I pictured myself standing there, and then becoming very agitated, watching the policeman kneel on this grown man. I pictured myself running up, attempting to pull the cop off of him, and then being manhandled by the other cop who stood guard. I witnessed my father be brutalized by a gang of  police right in front of me, outside my house at I five years old. I think I told that story in a previous blog. This situation brought back that helpless feeling…

I rarely post on world trending topics, because I feel there are so many people repeating the same words, that my words will hold no power online. As a writer, I try to be sincere and write from a pure place, and if I’m unable to, I simply don’t. I want you to know that keep I up with the news, all current events and trending topics in Canada, and worldwide. I try to keep up with the real people, the independent journalist online who speak the truth that the news will not.
The aftermath has been truly disturbing to watch. Since it is all being livestreamed across the internet, my eyes have been glued to the screen.
I am very aware, and completely understand the reasons behind the actions of the people, however I’m flabbergasted and deeply saddened by it all. I have shed many tears, since this pandemic hit, and these recent events have had me weeping. Some tears shed on others behalf, not all for me.


My spirit, my intuition has been telling me that we all will be left stranded in the same boat when this insane chaos is put to an end. There will be immense, irreparable damage that will have a trickle down effect to the majority of the population. You don’t have to be “woke” to see that the rules will shift very quickly and the new virus rules will look like a cakewalk in comparison. I’m going to leave it at that for now. I’ll continue in my next post.


Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.


Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

(Part 3) Do You Really Need🍫🍫It?…..

Chocolate is my weakness when it comes to sweets. I always crave a little bit of chocolate throughout the day. I am trying to cut back though, and I must say, I’ve cut back tremendously from the start of the year.
I have tried to eat only certain forms of dark chocolate, for a healthier choice, or specially made chocolate with less additives and sugar. That hasn’t worked to curb my craving, I end up craving the good stuff.
I used to feel the need to always have some sort of chocolate on deck, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate candy bars, chocolate covered raisins, brownies, you name it. So, I decided to use hot chocolate to satisfy that daily craving, which has has helped curb that craving. I limit myself to one mug, and I don’t heap 2-3 tablespoons into the mug like I used to. A little almond milk is nice to add sometimes, and one mug leaves me satisfied for the day.

I don’t know if I’ll ever not like chocolate, and it’s hard not to glimpse at the chocolate candy isle when I am shopping. Force of habit. When I do catch myself looking off towards that isle, I tell myself that I don’t need it, and I already have some at home.
I don’t know if I’ll ever reach a point where I won’t
like chocolate.

I am weaning myself off of chocolate because I know that it is the sugar that I’m craving. The less of it I eat everyday, the more I realize that the need to eat it, is more in my head! And by the way, I did eat a little chocolate today, but it was just a little, for flavour. That’s all I really needed.

I have more to say on this sweet topic but I will continue in another blog!

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.


Love and Respect,


~Dawn Lovely

(PT 2)Do You Really Need🍬It?…..

Continuing…


I’ve improved since last month by a long shot, I find myself not craving candy as much, but my sweet tooth is still well and very active. I know that I will continue to crave sweets, but it’s just about sticking to a good substitute. Over the years I have tried many different healthier/natural foods to ease my cravings which has helped. Dried fruits like, prunes, apricots, and raisins are a good substitute for candy. They are very sweet, and jammed packed with nutrients as well.


Regardless of your financial situation, we are in the best time to  moderate our diets. We all know that there is some form of sugar in practically everything we eat. Now is the time to make room for the foods that do your body good, that help to strengthen your immune system. You will be amazed at how much money you save once your try cutting out what is not really needed.
The money that you save by cutting back, you can put towards the “marked up” prices to purchase fruits like strawberries, blueberries, avocados, pineapples etc. Those fruits tend to be pricey, compared to a large pack of skittles. You can also consider supporting your local fruit markets in your neighborhood, to help them stay open.

Regardless of how healthy I try to keep my diet, I still feel it necessary to indulge in a daily snack or dessert.

I am now focusing on what types of sugar I choose to eat through the day, and the times of day I crave sugar.

I’m glad that I am able to walk past the candy section without feeling the need to grab a box. The artificial glucose syrup candies are not as appetizing to me now, but I’ve had to fill the void with something.

As much as I love fruits, I still need something different as a substitute when the usual won’t do.

One of the reasons that I adore living in the city is, even during this shut down I’m  still able to find one of my all time favorites. I finally found one of my carribbean favourites at a local fruit market, tamarind balls. They are made from natural tamarind, but processed with some sugar, and chilli. There are different types of these candies some are spicy and hot, some made to be more sweet. They definitely satisfy my sweet tooth. I don’t find myself feeling a “sugar high” after eating a few. That is the beauty of them filling in  for my candy cravings.

I hope this post helped in some way! I’m going to grab a fruit before I start getting ready for bed.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.


Love and Respect,


~Dawn Lovely
Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

Those Quarantine Dreams🌛💭…..

I was meaning to continue on from my last blog, but I felt the need to share this with you, regarding dreams. Since the beginning of this quarantine, I have been having short weird dreams. Sometimes during a quick unexpected, drop asleep type nap. Sometimes after a long much needed proper sleep. My body clock has been off it’s usual schedule for obvious reasons, and the weather isn’t helping.
I know these dreams are coming from a lack of  consistency, but I still want to understand what it is I’m seeing. These dreams are more difficult than usual for me to read, because they are so short and random. I have to think a little deeper to figure where the ideas came from, and why they suddenly showed up.


Have you ever fallen asleep with the TV on and had influences from the program playing, enter into your dream? We’ve all been there, and sighed in relief when realizing it was just the TV, not actually ME.
Well, these dreams are ALL me. The other day it hit me that the scenery, and the atmosphere outside has brought many of my actual dreams to life.

I have had this reoccurring dream of walking around in a large spacious vacant store. I am usually all alone, and there are barely any products on the shelves. Sometimes the stores look abandon, with old broken or used products on the shelves. Sometimes the store has everything, but what I really need.
The worst is when I awake, upset and afraid of what I couldn’t find in the dream.


I have dreamt those “Bargain Harold’s” warehouse stores, that you will only know if you are from a certain era in old school Toronto. I used to love walking around with my mother and siblings in that store. 

In real life, the streets are vacant and quiet, some stores have been boarded up, and through the windows some are a literal mess. I feel uneasy seeing this, but there isn’t anything that I can do.
My dreams draw upon these feelings that I need to feel, and now I have no choice but to accept what’s going on outside.
I don’t think I’ll be having those type of  dreams anymore.


Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.


Love and Respect,


~Dawn Lovely


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(PT 1)Do You Really Need🍭It?…..

On a tight budget, time limit, and limited stock, simplicity is the key to grocery shopping in these times. You may have to wait outside an hour longer than you anticipated.

There’s no telling what tomorrow will bring regarding rules and regulations for essential stores. Shop as though your life depended on it, without the stress. Pick up the essentials first, the basic staples, the most nutritious foods the body needs. Consider the rest extras, to supplement your pantry, or add-ons you could live without.

This thought process used to be challenging for me, when I used to rely more on snacks. You will improve over time, and there’s no better time than now.

There are many items in the grocery store that you just don’t need, omitting them from your list is a good start. Bunkers all over the store are packed with boxed snacks, full of sugar, salt, and preservatives. I haven’t seen a shortage of boxed snacks in a grocery store yet, and the prices are pretty good on those items. I don’t forsee an upcoming shortage of those packaged foods anytime soon. The news has yet to report on any possible shortages on chips and cookies.

If you have a favourite not so healthy snack, pick it, choose one and buy it in bulk. Ration it, create portions for the week, and have it as your main “guilty snack”. I eat pretty healthy on a daily basis, but I can admit to my borderline sinful sweet tooth, that I’m still working on curbing.

This quarantine time has put my sweet tooth to the ultimate test, for obvious reasons. I have found myself buying my favourite candy of all time, “hot tamales” to carry me through. As of now I haven’t felt the need to buy them, my cravings have subsided with work! I will share more of my tips in my next post.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

We’ll Have To Adapt🙄☝🏼🍞….

Continuing…

We have no choice but to adapt, because we don’t know how long this will last. What used to be a simple trip to the grocery store, is now a trip you really have to prepare for.

Yesterday was the first time in almost two weeks that I was out and about in the morning to shop. I was taken aback by the long line outside of the store, especially at that time of day. I hadn’t seen this outside of a store around here, and the gaps in between made it even longer. The “social distancing” and monitoring of the line is different in the busy daytime hours. That’s why I’ve been trying to avoid the crowded stores, and was only going out after dark right before closing. I need to get fresh air and sunlight, and I used to love to do my errands in the daytime. Standing in that line, I heard many people’s worries. I could’ve put on my headphones and plugged into my google play list, but no. I find it’s best to listen and take in the vibes of what’s going on around you. I felt sorry for the senior citizen who asked the grocery line security, “Are there senior citizen hours??” The reply was, “Yes, Monday and Wednesday.” I could hear the slight desperation in his voice, and I felt kind of bad for him. Some of the older folks don’t have any help, and have to shop amongst the general public. Another man ahead of me had to step out of the line to use the payphone that was two steps away. In typical “Canadian Manners” fashion, he turned around and told the man behind him, sounding slightly worried. He didn’t want to lose his place in line, even though we tend to be very understanding and polite. I usually would have offered him my cell phone to use, but I couldn’t, due to the virus situation. I barely touch my phone in public.

When it comes to hunger and food folks tend to act impatient, regardless of the circumstance. Folks are generally worried, in the span of weeks, how to access basic needs, has changed tremendously.

We have to adapt, and help each other through this, by polishing up on our newly learned outside etiquette.

I am Thankful for the caring, polite, aware folks of Toronto. I will continue in my next post.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

The “Right” To Eat🍞🥑🍗…..

My perspective on food has changed since the virus pandemic hit, I will never look at food the same. I couldn’t picture not having access to certain foods, since I’ve only lived in Western society. Looking at bare shelves for weeks, and not seeing the basics like rice available in a mega grocery store, hit me hard. I could only imagine this, or dream it, which I have.

I have always believed that everyone has the “right” to eat. There is enough food available on the planet for all of us, and I don’t need research or stats to confirm this. I think I’m mentally and physically prepared to go without, if a food shortage did hit. Preparation is the key, training your mind and body while you have the time should be top priority. If you have issues with eating a healthy diet, now is the best time to practice better daily eating habits. Eating what you need to eat, not what you want to eat is a good start to change your attitude about food.

I have never taken food for granted, I’ve talked about growing up in poverty at times in past blogs. I’d be okay living on rice and beans, if need be, my life experiences have prepared me for that. There is not a day where I am not Thankful for the food that I put in my stomach.

Back in high school days when I worked at the grocery store deli, I learned how much food grocery stores throw away. I was appalled and felt very uncomfortable having to throw away recently cooked whole roasted chickens that I prepared. I witnessed the bakery clerks throwing all of the days left over buns and bread into large black trash bags. There were so many buns, three to five trash bags full. I thought they would at least sell some of them as “day olds” at a discount price. I inquired about the possibility of giving them away to a local shelter, or even to the last shoppers in store before closing. I never received a clear answer, as to why we couldn’t look into it. This bothered my conscience, I hated that part of my job. I know that if I was in a poor country, maybe there would have been arrangements made.

Everyone has the right to eat, and in these times take note of your attitude towards food. You may have no choice but to adapt to a new way of life due to the current climate. I have more to say on this topic, I’ll continue in my next post.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

(PT2)I’m😞Worried Too,☝🏼BUT…..

Continuing…

Before I left, I imparted words of encouragement on him, words that I had been telling myself:

Things may get WORSE, and very soon, but for now, these are just changes. It’s going to be different around here, but not completely. There will be some stores open to buy basic needs, even if it’s only two or three. It’s going to be okay, all you can do is stay aware, watch the news and relax.

This was all my intuition and common sense speaking, I have to protect my health from more than this virus. I was starting to get migraines that come when I worry, at the thought of figuring out what more to do. That was my warning to sign to relax.

I’m worried too but, I love the lessons that I’ve learned thus far. I am so blessed to have the food and I shelter I have as of now. All the food in this area is not going to run out over night. Folks are just in a panic and frenzy, I can’t let them throw me off my game. I’ve been through it before, fear can not take over my faith now.

All the while I am still worried, just eighty percent less than usual. That’s good enough for now, until the next step is announced.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

I’m😞Worried Too, BUT….

The first day of the store shut downs, I had a deep conversation with a local produce market owner about the pandemic. He was expressing how worried he was about the government enforced shut downs and how it’s going to affect his business. He explained that the border shut down puts his shop in jeapordy, and if things don’t change in a week, he’s in big trouble. He said, “What are we going to do??? All the stores are closed. How are we going to feed our families??? After next week if this doesn’t change, I don’t know what I’m going to do…” He was very emotional as he spoke of the street, which is most popular for it’s restaurants and shops. His eyes were full of fear, and I felt his pain.

It was five o’clock in the evening, and the lights were out for majority of the stores and restaurants on the street. It looked very weird, I had never seen this time of day so dead outside in my life. It felt unreal. I was worried too, as I carefully picked out my items, overthinking my tight budget. I chose to buy many bags of rice from him instead of the franchise store. I like to support small businesses, especially in these times. I visit his shop at least once a week, and I told him that I appreciate his store and his prices. His care for his customers, and fair prices is better than a franchise grocery store. I told him that as well and he smiled as he thanked me.

Although everything seems to be going haywire, I know I will be okay, because of what I have already overcame in my life. But I am still worried, I will admit.

I left him with some wise words of encouragement, that came from my intuition. I will continue in my next blog.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

Just Some Thoughts🤔:While We Keep Our😷Distance…..

There’s no way I could be bored in admist of the quarantine/chaos/calm this virus has brought to Toronto. Simply observing what’s been going with my fellow man amazes me. I feel as though I am in a movie, not reality. As I woke up this morning I forgot all about it, but after a few seconds passed, It hit me, Oh yaaaa thaaat! Then I sighed, feeling irritable.

Back in high school, I used imagine how it would be to live through a pandemic or plague of the past. Watching documentaries in history class had me fascinated. I couldn’t believe how they adapted to the situation, and they didn’t have the technology and freedoms that we have.

Last week in No Frills, a professionally dressed lady approached me asking if there actually was NO more toilet paper. We were standing in front of bare shelves. I understood her shock, but it surprised me that she looked so puzzled as to what to do next. I proceeded to let her know that a few dollar stores and markets up the road probably had some in stock. I knew that most folks in that area were only going to No Frills, which puzzled me. I was right, the few stores I went in had lots of toilet paper. The prices and sizes were actually fair, and no lines to stand in. Since we are supposed to be practicing social distancing, it was a safer way to go.

People were crammed in those long lines at No Frills like a can of sardines. I decided to take a risk and try a few independent stores. I assumed more people would do the same but, nope!

There was an influx of people headed towards the busy No Frills, I had a feeling majority were going in for bulk toilet paper at a “fair” price. I thought to myself, I guess people can’t get used to not buying certain products from different stores???

I don’t know what it is, but I feel fear is taking over basic common sense, and it’s bigger than toilet paper.

Take Care and Stay Safe, and Stay Tuned 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Times of Panic and An Act of Kindness🙏🏼☺️…..

The other night I had a pleasant, quiet walk to the store last night, a perfect relaxed night for thinking. The weather was surprisingly not chilly, it was quite mild, almost warm enough to go without gloves. I felt at ease, relieved, and very enthusiastic to go for a walk. The streets were quieter than usual on a weekday night in this area. I felt slightly nervous because it felt looked more vacant than usual, but I liked it.

I was looking to purchase a few items, basic products that I assumed would be in stock. I’ve seen on the news that folks are stocking up on certain items, but I was in awe to see the shelves bare. This was one of several big franchise stores in this area, I had already visited one that was the same. I was flabbergasted. As I moved around the store quickly in search of the not-so-urgent items, I noticed a very elderly man laughing out loud, shaking his head. He was looking down at the dairy cooler very perturbed. I caught his eye walking by and he said, “There’s only ONE left!…. Do you want it?You can have it if you like ” I wasn’t sure what sure what item he was talking about about. I looked at the bottom shelf and it was pretty much bare, then I noticed one bag of two percent milk at the back. I don’t drink two percent dairy milk, that’s one item I actually did not need. I am an almond milk drinking gal, but the gesture of offering was very kind. For all we know they may be no milk ins rock for weeks. The elderly man, looked clearly over sixty- five, the age that is said to be most at risk still cared about my well-being. He displayed a certain politeness and old school chivalry, anyone could see he is from a different generation of values. I kindly Thanked him and jokingly responded that everything that I needed was out of stock, and fortunately milk was not one of those items.

I left the store feeling slightly annoyed, but had a sense of warmth and relief. The man’s kind gesture gave me a little more faith in humanity. As I briskly walked home, I thought about how important an act of fairness or kindness is, in times of fear or uncertainty.

The night was very calm, but I felt the frantic energy that was coming within the week. Most people will not be offering the last bag of ANYTHING, even if they truly want to share.

Take Care and please be safe.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Sorry, No Negotiations🤐:I Know🧐Better!…..

I’m going to share a personal story with a very valuable lesson regarding protecting yourself. I have written about self preservation and boundaries in the past, it all ties into maintaining your mental health.

Years ago after my mother’s passing, I was forced to make a decision that I wish I didn’t have to make. I decided to stay away from people that I considered my loved ones. The last straw was an unprovoked confrontation that was literally brought to my door. It left me feeling violated, betrayed and dirty. I cried to my Aunt that I had NEVER in my life felt so disrespected. My uncle called it an “ambush” and told me there was no excuse for it, it was wrong PERIOD. He advised me to stay away, and added that we are in the “last days”….

I had a quick dream several months before the incident, but I kept it in my mind archives. I filed it away, like I do with any dreams that may be important. I dreamt that I looked out my door peep hole, and there I saw them standing. They came out of nowhere, giving no heads up, no phone call, no text no email. I knew this wasn’t good, they did not come with good intentions. I didn’t answer the door, then I woke up.

I didn’t need a dream to warn me though, I felt the malice from kilometers away. I made a very conscious decision to stay as far away from them as possible. I already made several attempts to have a rational conversation. Both sides had already said negative things about each other. We both felt we were in the right, but dealing with my mother’s passing in a healthy way was top priority. My feelings about them, or fighting was not important to me.

The evening that they showed up at my front door unannounced, I went against my basic common sense, my instincts, and my intuition. They don’t travel all the way down to my place just for the sake of a visit, but all of a sudden here you are.

I always trust my intuition, but this time I went against myself, to appease the group. It’s very difficult being a part of a group, a family that you didn’t sign up to be in. Your rank in the group has already been created for you, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. The best you can do is contribute what you can to the group, and try not to step on any toes. I felt I owed it to them to let them in my space. I felt that since we’re related, it would be rude and disrespectful to leave them in the hallway.

They really didn’t deserve to come in my house, they did not deserve for me to waste my breath talking to them. They came for a fight, simple as that, and I saw and felt the evil intent. I only knew they were angry and bothered, because they made it a point to confront me. They used the guise of a “family intervention”(to question what was MY problem) but it was actually an ambush. Many of my relatives told me that I was ambushed and it was extremely wrong and uncalled for. They were upset about this, and I felt extremely hurt, betrayed and violated. The fact that I was accosted in my own space, by my own, changed my trust and expectations of people from then on.

I heard through the grapevine that they want to attempt to have a “meet up” to talk. My answer is, NO. There are no negotiations when it comes to my safety. If you will get in my face, threaten me or try to put your hands on me simply because I don’t agree with your actions, I don’t need to be around you!!! I don’t care if we are related or not. Some people are simply, who they are. They only need you around to feed off your energy, or to validate them. By validate, I mean helping them feel like they are not that bad. I never stated anybody was bad, but by me choosing to consistently keep my distance, made them feel bad.

It’s been about seven years since this happened, the incident scarred me, but I understand why it happened. I still feel uncomfortable writing about this, and I have been vague with some details out of respect for them.

I have more to share, stay tuned for my next post.

Good night:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Just Some Thoughts:About That Dream&Time🤔💭⌛…..

I woke up from a long dream that seemed to not have much importance, until the very end. I can’t even recall the exact details, but before I awoke, my mother was telling me to do something important. I can’t remember what it was, but I forgot to do it, and she was reminding me. I was very attentive and focused on her words, but unfortunately, I woke up and it was over.

A feeling of loss and confusion hits me like a ton of bricks. I can’t move, I can’t get up until my mind clears, then there’s a moment of despair. I’m not there, and she’s not here, I even forget where I am. I tried so hard to remember what she was telling me to do, I was straining my mind to remember. I felt sad and disappointed, as though I had failed her or myself…..

When I wake up from random dreams about my mother, it always takes some time to snap back into reality. I know many people can relate after the loss of a loved one. No matter how many years have gone by, I wonder what it would be like to do the simplest things with her. I never had the chance to take her out to lunch, on me. I never had the chance to make her a cup of tea in my own apartment. The dream reminded me that time, the time I yearn for, will never happen, and that’s okay.

I must admit that I’m working through my issues with time. It’s a battle within myself, always feeling rushed or behind. What I think I’ve missed out on, wasn’t meant to be, and that’s okay too.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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(Weeping PT 2) 😢😞He Told Me That He Couldn’t Cry…..

One of the most sad and troubling statements I have ever heard, is when he told me that he couldn’t cry…..

It was a long time ago, and we had just started getting to know each other. I will never forget the day, we had our first conversation about our childhoods and pain. He told me that he doesn’t have the ability to cry anymore. He told me that when feels to cry, he feels sad, but tears don’t come out… I couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. I was looking him directly in his eyes, analyzing him. I immediately looked at him differently after hearing that, I understood him more. The look in his eyes made sense to me now. He looked defeated by his true feelings, as if he had given up. I knew I wouldn’t be able to repair him, but I also knew he truly trusted me.

I had never been to a funeral, and never experienced a close friend or family death. When he spoke about losing his father so suddenly and abruptly, it truly touched me soul. One of my biggest fears in life. I could not imagine losing a parent, especially at that age for them and I. He felt that he had to be strong for his mother, and his siblings, as though it was his responsibility. He showed me a few photos of him after his father’s death, he looked sullen, thin, and extremely stressed out. In a moment, I 100 percent understood his place in his family, and the damage that his mother inflicted on his spirit.

I thought, WOW. I thought I was damaged..I guess I wasn’t as damaged as him, I could still cry…my tears were able to flow effortlessly.

I felt sorry for him. It’s one of the most heartbreaking things I had ever heard. We bonded over our pain in a moment, which is sad in itself but beautiful at the same time.

Stay tuned for my next post.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Weeping(Just Some Thoughts) 😢😪…..

I need my tears, I love my tears, I don’t know what I would do if I could no longer cry. My tears are as important to my eyes as sight. I feel relief after a good long cry. I try not to cry in front of others, because I know it will upset them. People have told me that they don’t feel comfortable seeing me cry. I have heard this throughout my life. I have shared in previous blogs, even during baby ages, choosing not to cry when in need. Adults, relatives who knew me since I was a baby can tell you the same, this is no lie. I’ve chosen to withhold my tears in many situations when I shouldn’t have. I sacrificed my inner peace to protect others from the pain of my tears.

Once on a dark rainy day, a stranger walked passed me on the street and said, “You made it rain!….. “ I wasn’t even offended by his random and uncalled for comment.
My energy was off, and I was crying, lightly but I didn’t think anybody noticed. I was trying to literally walk it OFF. I knew the man’s comment was said for a good reason. I felt that it was a message from the Most High, reminding me of what my tears represent. I know my tears hold power and beauty at the same time. I make a conscious effort not to waste them.
I remember as a child, my Mother (RIP) thanking me for not crying and being extra after I hurt myself. She didn’t mind me crying, but appreciated that I made it easier for her to deal with the situation.

Lately, I find myself shedding light tears at times when I think about certain things.
The tears slide down my cheek and are even a surprise to me, because I don’t feel so sad to cry. The tears aren’t always about me, they could be for anyone, even those I do not know….. I more to say, but it’s time to get ready for bed.
Stay tuned for my next post. Have a safe and productive Sunday.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

Oh and Btw🤔…..

There are a few points I want to add to the story from my last blog, it’s 2:25 in the morning but I had to release these thoughts. I hope they help you put public confrontation in perspective.

Immediately after I was accosted by the belligerent stranger, a younger looking gentleman approached me approx five minutes later. He approached me, and actually said the EXACT same thing with the exact same actions as the previous man. I wasn’t surprised by that, however I was surprised at how fast he left me alone. I responded to him pretty much the same way that I did the other man, except I said less words.

I was pretty calm already, so when he quickly walked away, I was relieved and happy. I was happy that I didn’t take any frustration out on him. I noticed his calm, humble energy, I felt he knew he was interrupting me, I think he mumbled “sorry” or “okay”. I appreciated his manners.

When in defense mode, you may assume the next person, may go too far. It’s only natural to assume, but you can not. I believe I manage to be cool and calm in public because I don’t hold the actions of one stranger against the next. I will still hold the door for next person, even though the previous did not say “Thank You”. If you’ve worked any Customer Service positions where you are dealing with the public you’ll understand what I mean. While on the job you are not allowed to mistreat a customer or client because the previous person was rude to you.

As you navigate 2020, remember, don’t let other people’s actions affect the way that you react. In these times it’s not worth it, and you’ll regret acting the fool! If I happen to slip up, I’ll be sure to tell you.

Exercising these lessons into your daily routine will only help your days run smoother.

Good Morning or Good Night:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

PT2 The Belligerent😡 Stranger,(It’s 2020)Pick Your🤜🏼 Battles!…..

Continuing…..

I knew at that point, there was no need for me to attempt to speak or argue back. I was relieved however, because he stepped several steps AWAY from me before going off……Had he moved towards me yelling, I would have reacted differently. I wasn’t scared at all, I was more concerned about MY anger. I wasn’t trying to get riled up, or even engage in an argument with anybody. I felt he didn’t deserve my energy. He wasn’t worth my time. For all I know, he could be a murderer or psychopath. I just wanted him out of my face, out of my personal space. The fact that he was moving away from me showed me that he understood that I did not want him near me. I don’t think he knew though, that I am actually of the same ethnicity as he, and understood his patios and attitude very clearly. I allowed my logic to lead me and put my anger on the back burner. My calm disposition bothered him, he seemed offended. I couldn’t help but say something to him, as I shook my head. Words slipped out of my mouth after he said, “This is a PUBLIC PLACE, I can do what want!!!” I responded in a low calm voice, “And you’re still here talking…..” (meaning, YOU ARE FREE TO WALK AWAY, AND GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!!!) I truly did not intend on saying anything but hey, my personality slipped out. He finally completed his rant, walking away in the direction from which he came, mumbling something sarcastic. I didn’t give a damn what he said, I was just happy he walked away and didn’t come close me. I felt irritated and shooken up by the abrubtness of the whole encounter, but also proud of myself. I passed the confrontation test, I felt as though he knew how silly he looked.

The moral and lesson of this story is, your anger is YOURS to control. I was so relaxed and in my zone before this man approached me. I made a vow to myself not to let anybody or any occurrence take me out of my character. It was as though I was outside of myself looking in, and acting up would be a betrayal to myself. Thinking that way, really helped remind me not to let anger get the best of me! I knew this was a test, because I had not been yelled at by anybody in a looong time until this happened.

Although I am not an angry person, I do have deep rooted anger that comes out in the worst ways at times. I have shared some experiences and stories in my blogs but there’s so much more I’m going to share with you. My personal demons are rooted in anger and control, over circumstances in my past that were beyond my control. I truly hope if you have similar issues, that my blogs help you navigate through them. I know the results are working through me, and even loved ones tell me they see the difference.

Stay tuned for my next post and Happy #2020! 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

The Belligerent😡 Stranger,(It’s 2020)Pick Your🤜🏼 Battles!…..

I didn’t write New Years Resolutions, but I have made necessary changes to my self that started last year. The changes are imperative to my health and well being. One of them are to improve on controlling my anger inside my body, and controlling the words that leave my mouth in anger. It is a skill I am trying to perfect, and been working on as long as I have been aware of it. My loved ones have addressed it as well, called me out, checked me, and tried to help as well.

An unprovoked confrontation with a very large man in a public place, a belligerent stranger, put me to the test the other day. I was completely caught off guard but 100% maintained my cool inside which took the most effort! I know how to maintain my cool in public places with rude folks, however, yelling, swearing and aggression can really cause my anger to skyrocket. If it does not come out, it still does damage on the inside, regardless. The very large man approached me, leaned over on the chair beside me perching his face on the ledge, and said Hello. I said Hi back, because I have manners, but he was looking at me as though he expected me to proceed to talk to him. I already knew this, because I spotted him before he came towards me. I was chill, in a very chill mood, but I didn’t feel like having a conversation with this man. He had an energy that made me uncomfortable, and he had possibly been drinking. I didn’t feel like talking to anybody, and I felt he was a little too close for comfort. He yelled a very derogatory curse word in patois, because I told him veeeery politely that I did not wish to speak, and I was busy. Which I actually was! I try very hard in my daily life outside, not to offend or disrespect men in public. I am by no means the snobby type, who takes pride in being rude to people, especially men who approach me for ANY reason. It’s crazy these days, that anything and everything can be taken the wrong way when dealing with the opposite sex. I was very, very annoyed, and slightly shook up. I had the option of calling security to intervene and remove the enraged man, but I didn’t. He was already causing a scene, and I wanted NO parts of it. My bestie cousin also works there, she’s actually a head supervisor in charge of the floor. I knew she would take this matter on if she found out, I didn’t want to involve or upset her. Plus, she’s very protective of me. I didn’t want things to escalate, so I watched him with the corner of my eye…..quietly. I trusted my gut, and let the man continue to go off. Ironically he stated, “This is a PUBLIC PLACE!!!” I knew at that point, there was no need for me to attempt to speak or argue back. I was relieved however, because he stepped several steps AWAY from me before going off……

I will continue in my next blog, stay tuned. Good Morning or Goodnight:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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I’m Here&Clear, Happy New Year!🎉🙏❤️…..

This time of year I reflect on what I am most thankful for, everyday things that most take for granted. A clean safe space, a warm bed, and a full stomach are more important than celebration or parties. The weather has been decent, bearable and NO heavy snow! First off, I am very Thankful for that. We’ve been having above zero temperatures, which is amazing for this time of year. Being able to navigate the city on foot, without the worry of catching frostbite, is a relief. The temperature will drop indeed, but I appreciate what it’s been thus far.

It’s been over a month since I posted on social media, and I didn’t exactly celebrate the holidays, but took the time to reflect. I’ve been in a quiet space with minimal noise or distraction, it’s the medicine I needed after November’s events. I do enjoy the company of family during the holidays, but I needed solo time. The holiday season going into the New Year is the best time to reflect. I always keep in mind that there are many out there who barely have the basics. I have been one of those children who grew up at one point having a TV style perfect Christmas. I have also spent Christmas in a completely different situation. I remember as a little girl our God mother bringing us professionally wrapped presents. They were placed under the tree in the Women’s shelter we lived in. This tree that had a minimal amount of gifts under it. Looking back, I question if that tree was only put up for decorative purposes. The only gifts I remember seeing under it were ours. I felt a little sad and a sense of guilt knowing the other children who resided there would probably not receive anything.

I understood that we were blessed, regardless of our misfortunes. Moving forward into 2020, I walk with that thought. There is so much more I plan on sharing with you this year. Thank you for taking me in:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Nov 15th(RIP “Daddy”)My Birthday🎂 Was Bittersweet…

I’ve been meaning to post for days now, but I couldn’t focus, my thoughts were all over the place. I was thinking about my grandpa in the hospital, in a coma. I was thinking about about how much I wanted to fly down to Miami and visit him, just so he could hear my voice. I wasn’t able to go. As my birthday approached, I wasn’t feeling good about that, but I was optimistic that he’d wake up. He was starting to exhibit signs that he would but some folks around him were already writing him off. I was upset and angry that they weren’t giving Daddy the energy he deserved. I tried to keep my composure and keep my thoughts positive. I’ve always known Daddy to be a positive man, and a fighter who bounces back from anything. I was prepared for the worst, but hoped for the best as I waited to hear an update. My Auntie G and the fam around were very optimistic about Daddy bouncing back as well.

In the wee hours of my birthday morning I texted my twin sister wishing her a Happy Birthday. I also praised us for making it this far. I’m proud of myself for making it through another year in one piece. That is most important to me every year, but I do love birthday cake, and presents. Anybody who knows me, knows that!

In the afternoon, I was informed that my grandfather was no longer with us. I knew there was something off, just by the manner in which my Auntie told me. A decision was made and we were not informed. I knew his passing wasn’t natural, I could feel it. I didn’t ask any questions, it wasn’t the right time for that. It was my birthday and I most definitely did not feel like seeing anyone or celebrating. I was just going to stay in my room, quiet to myself. My fam didn’t want that though, they wanted us to all come together, and celebrate the way Daddy would’ve wanted. I felt as though Daddy’s comforting energy was present. Auntie hugged me saying it’s my day and we will be celebrating with cake. I felt a little better hearing that, I had no excuse to go and hide away. My cousin texted me telling me she’s on her way.

This is a birthday I will never forget. RIP Daddy.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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The🦋Butterfly Dream…..

Day by day I practice telling my mind, to instruct my body to let the stress go. To simply release the negative thought or feeling and put it out, not let it manifest for more than thirty seconds. I remind myself that I do not have control over everything, and in time it’ll work out.

When I’m feeling unsure or insecure about a change, my dreams will often reflect those feelings. The other night I had a short dream about a colourful butterfly that was flying all around the house. It was actually the fam’s new pet, an exotic pet a strange but pleasant surprise. In the last scene the butterfly became injured some way. I told my family, and the called a vet to the house who mended the wound. I was relieved as I watched the beautiful butterfly get back to flying again. When I awoke I felt calm and satisfied. I felt a sense of peace and reassurance remembering my dream. I looked up the symbol of a butterfly in the dream dictionary, and it all made sense. There has been a string of misfortunes we’ve all been affected by, so I shared my dream with my family. I told them that the dream was a little strange, but was good for us all. I’m headed in the right direction, better yet we’re headed in the right direction!

Good Night and Good Sleep:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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🙄A Friend Request…..

You were never the shy type, always outspoken, never mincing words when speaking your mind. I admired that about you. I actually thought you were a meaner dude, until I got the chance to get to know you. You were definitely not who they say you were. Throughout your personal struggles, your words mattered to me more than their opinions about you. I had your back through it all even though I didn’t understand your addiction. I was a trooper through it all, until I had to let go. I accepted that you were not ready to accept help and support, even from me. I had to let go, you weren’t the same person anymore, you told me. I finally accepted the truth.

Last year when you called me, I answered. We always had a genuine connection, and I dreamt you the night before out of the blue, so I knew I was going to hear from you. I could only say so much about myself, but I was delighted to tell you about the dream I had about you, it was positive. You looked healthy and happier.

I’m not sure if you got what you wanted out of our awkward conversation. I did sense that you didn’t expect me to be different. You seemed to be stuck on who you used to know.

I wasn’t bothered after hanging up, I guess because I no longer had expectations of you. It took me years and years to come to peace with who you became, and I did miss the old you.

I happened to check my Facebook and your “friend” request took me by surprise. A friend request does not change where we stand in reality but sure, I’ll add you…..

Stay tuned for my next post, Good night and Good sleep:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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It Shouldn’t Take a Tragedy😔💔😒…..

I won’t tell you that everything will be okay, because I know that life will never be the same for us if we lose him. I’m not that person who simply says to “pray” and posts prayer hands emojis all over my social media. I try not to say, “I’m sorry to hear that” because it sounds insincere, and generic. Actions speak louder than words, and what I do, what WE do collectively, can do more than you think.

As I write this, I’m laying down, fighting to keep my eyes open. I should be sleeping, but I need to share these thoughts. I recently heard disturbing news about my grandfather from my mother’s side. He’s the only grandfather that I’ve known, and we all affectionately call him “Daddy”. He is one of the only caring, consistent male figures that I’ve ever known. He actually is my step – grandpa, and I was very surprised when I found this out growing up. It didn’t matter that we aren’t blood related, but it amazed and shocked me because of the way he cared for my mother and her sisters. It was as though they were his own, and he even went the extra mile for them, helping them. He always made me feel important, even though he has tons of grandchildren. He never mixed me up with my twin sister, addressing me by my actual name.

They say, you never know when you’re gonna go, so don’t forget to tell the people around you that you love them. I’ve always agreed with this, and try to live by it. Witnessing a handful of loved ones pass away suddenly, has reinforced this reminder. Showing my appreciation on a daily basis is a daily priority in my life. It’s better than saying “I love you”, because memories of you is all they’ll have when you’re not in their presence.

I think it’s weird and wrong, that it takes a tragedy, an unfortunate occurrence to bring us together. We shouldn’t wait until a person is sick or passed on, to do for them what they’ve done for us.

I will continue in my next post. Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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(Conclusion) Am I The Right Fit🤨???…..

Continuing….

I’m kinda over this….maybe I’m not fit for this anymore?? I sighed inside and listened attentively to her next question. They became easier to respond to, because I couldn’t give a “wrong” answer. I immediately became more relaxed, and began to recite responses that I usually give. I put a different spin on them, and thought, damn I’m sick of telling these stories….I always feel the need to make them “sound” interesting, so I don’t bore myself while talking. I also want to make sure they remain interested and the stories are memorable. I figure, the ten people before me may have gave a boring forgettable answer, and mine will be the best. I felt a surge of energy and I was able to answer her questions with enthusiasm. I thought to myself, this feels like an audition, they always do….

It doesn’t matter the type of work I will be doing, it doesn’t matter if the office is nicer looking than the previous. It doesn’t matter if I’ll be making a few dollars an hour more, it feels the same, and I think it’s time to stop lying to myself. The moment I knew my body had enough, my health has been affected, I’m not learning anything new, it was time to go! I’ve known this for a long enough time to allow myself to accept the truth. Sitting in that suffocating office was the slap in the face that I needed.

Back in the day I was thrilled to get a job that I thought I was more “upper class” because I considered it an improvement. I considered all the other types of work I did kind of “juvenile”. I felt as though I needed a change in pace so I’d be taken seriously as I grew older. But, when I look back at the positions I’ve held since I was fifteen, they actually did me well. I was given more responsibility, was paid better and was happier doing that type of work. I even had a few managers/supervisors give me a few raises within a short time period. They told me my positive attitude and dedication was appreciated. That made me feel good, proud and important. I even had a supervisor tell me, he knows he can leave the place in my hands because, “I won’t let the f****** place burn down”.

It’s cool to be appreciated and compensated for your genuine efforts at work. Regardless of your field, age or salary, your time is the most valuable. When I hear stories about folks who work in “high paying” positions throwing it all away due to being unhappy, I now 100% get it. I understand they accepted their true purpose instead of making excuses to remain unhappy.

I am able to adapt and learn, and fit in these new environments. Now I am taking a leap of faith and trusting my gut. I am NOT the right fit, and that’s not a bad thing.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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(Part 3)Am I The🤨 Right Fit???….

Continuing…..

We’ll see how this goes!

I was not on my A-game, but I always go in with a positive attitude and calm disposition. I don’t get nervous, It’s just a conversation, but one that I hope will not last long. For some reason I was feeling claustrophobic, I felt caged in, and I wanted leave!! I wasn’t sure why…perhaps it was the size of the office, the colours or the dim lighting. All I know is that I wanted to get out of there ASAP! I tried to focus on what she was saying, and my mind scrambled for a second after her first question. This rarely happens to me! I had an answer, I did a little research, but for some reason I doubted myself. I thought that I was mixing up this place with another. I felt my words fumbled coming out of my mouth, but I heard my words clear. I was worried that I may sound unsure of myself, that’s not a good look. I tried to read her facial expression in order to determine if I was doing okay. A part of me wanted to not do well, a part of me was hoping that she thought I wasn’t “it”. I felt as though I didn’t want the position, I had a revelation at that moment. I’m kinda over this….maybe I’m not fit for this anymore?? I sighed inside and listened attentively…..

Stay tuned for my next post, and Good evening:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

(Cont’d)Am I The Right Fit🤨???….

Continuing…..

Damn, I know I’m qualified but I’m most likely not going to be the right fit…..I dunno …..I hope I’m on time!

Okay, I’m not late, I got about ten minutes. Thanks bus driver, for actually answering my question, and dropping me off at the exact street. That saved me time, I know where I am now… there it is!

This place definitely looks different than I expected. I didn’t see anybody as I walked in, there was a long lunch table and no receptionist. So, this place isn’t as posh as I assumed it would be, the decor was dated. The contrast compared to my old office was night and day. I turned the corner to a wide open space and a handful of women sitting at desks spread out. I waved and said Hello to the group, as a friendly young woman approached me and introduced herself. She was the person who interviewed and had been corresponding with me. She was pleasant, and not in a fake way, which was a relief. Whew. The vibe is okay, but I try to be as low key as possible when entering a new work environment. I didn’t look too hard at anything or anybody, then I heard somebody yell out, “She’s wearing stir ups!!! Remember those!!? Don’t those bring you back to high school days?!!” I looked down at my pants feeling slightly shy, I didn’t want the unnecessary attention being that I am brand new. The dress pants I was wearing, were actually dress pants, but had the “foot band” elastic thingy. The style is 80’s inspired, and other women have pointed them out before asking where I purchased them. It was a compliment, and that’s cool, but I was definitely not trying to have my clothes be the focus. In a casual dress code office environment, I make a conscious effort to be covered and not “flashy”. Opinions about appearance are not important to me, but it can be very annoying when others focus on it more than I do. I was trying to lay as low as possible until everyone was introduced. Maybe I’m thinking too much??? Or maybe I’m at a point in my life where fitting in at work truly means absolutely nothing to me. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that no amount of money can replace the time that I may have to waste pretending.

Okay, I was just called in, it’s time to meet the Director of Operations. I’m ready, not nervous, and I’m going to be myself. Within five minutes I will know if I am meant to continue the conversation. We’ll see how this goes!

Stay tuned for the conclusion. Good night & Good Sleep!

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Am I The Right Fit🤨???….

I thought I was going to be late as I walked briskly to the bus stop in the heavy pouring rain. I checked the weather report before I left, and I didn’t expect it to be so windy and cold! My flats were soaked within seconds, and I did not want to catch a cold. I guess summer is officially over, OH NO! That’s what I thought as scurried across the street, feeling like I was barefoot, water splashing under me feet. I couldn’t turn around and go home to change, and I was not going to wear anything fancier than flats. These places usually have a casual dress code, and fancy shoes are out of the question for me. I find it’s best not to over dress for these type of environments, not that I really worry about these things. It just goes along with the territory of entering a new office environment. Thinking about these details is one reason why I’m not into the office environment.

I was going to get wet regardless, and I didn’t care. I didn’t care if my curls were wider and I didn’t look perfect. I just wanted to be on time, and get to the right place. As I waited for the bus I contemplated canceling, although I wasn’t quite late yet. The down pour would probably affect my arrival time, and I hate to be late, it gives a bad first impression. I’d rather not go if I’m going to be late. I sent a courtesy email to inform them that I may be late, but they didn’t mind. They simply replied, “We’ll be waiting patiently.” I knew I had to go at that point, and I really didnt feel like it. The bus finally pulled up and folks started to rush to the curb, ugh, that really annoys me…..

I hope I feel okay with the vibe of this place, or this is a waste of my time? I’m gonna probably get sick by the time I arrive home. Should I even bother going?? I don’t know how I feel about the possible hours. Based on our communication thus far, they probably assumed….. I’m not what they’re going to expect. Damn, I know I’m qualified but I’m most likely not going to be the right fit…..I dunno know…..I hope I’m on time!

I will continue in my next blog, enjoy your night 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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More Than Memories, My Appreciation❤️🙏…….

Continuing…..

A few days later I had a fulfilling conversation with my bestie cousin, about the good and bad. I was able to speak my true feelings, and about memories that came back to me. I was able to release pain and disappointment I still feel, about us as a family not collectively celebrating her. Listening to other people talk about her, and that they feel the same, meant a lot to me. I’m reminded that others haven’t forgotten how special she was, or what she gave to us.

I was always at peace with her departing the earth plane, I felt she deserved and needed a break. I miss her, but it was more important for me to honor who she was, than wallow in sadness. To this day I feel the same, and I’m hurt that her legacy has not been honored the way it should be.

It’s more than just the memories it was the effort she put forth, that allowed us to create them. The worst of times growing up, have a memory or two that help me appreciate those times. I have a great appreciation for nature and outdoor activities, because she took us to parks and accompanied us on Creek walks. She made sure to enroll us in a summer camp program or some type of activity, despite being a single mother. She always encouraged me to write, to draw, to express my creativity, all through my life. I appreciate her greatly for that.

Every year I wish I could sit down with her, and tell her how much I appreciate what she did for me, for US. Thank you Mom.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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August 30th 2019 R.I.P🌹🙏😔 More Than Memories…..

I took a break from posting online, but I’m back:) From the day of Mom’s passing anniversary, I’ve pretty much been ghost. Every year is different, and this year I stayed to myself and avoided frivolous conversations. I went away and put myself in a quiet space. I allowed my self to feel what I feel, and I’m glad that I did. I didn’t feel the need to post my feelings on social media on the day, or post a dedication. I didn’t receive a text or call about the day, and that was okay, but still made me ponder….I thought a lot about her, and lessons that she taught me. I thought about how actually doing as she taught me, caused others to resent me. I have a deeper appreciation for her every year, as I grow older. It hurts my heart and bothers my conscience that I still haven’t been able to properly celebrate her with the ones I grew up with….Since August 30th I think I grew a little. When it comes to my feelings, and facing more than the memories of her, I accept where I stand. There’s more to share, in my next blog. Stay tuned:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Just Some Thoughts🤔:It Shouldn’t Hurt To Be Tolerated…..

We tolerate strangers on a daily basis and don’t do them any harm, but one who is close to you, feels entitled to get at you.

This is one of the worst truths I was forced to learn in my life so far. I don’t enjoy writing about it, but it actually has helped me to feel more safe in the world. This has helped me to became more brave and free. I started to put myself out there, without a fear of being harmed. A stranger can not hurt me, or my feelings any worse than a loved could.

We tolerate strangers on a daily basis, no matter how unbearable, but we don’t do them any harm. The smelly dude on the subway, who plops himself down next to you in the corner two seater, and falls asleep on your shoulder, doesn’t get an elbow to the eye?!! Of course not, he gets a gentle nudge to wake him up, and an apology for bothering him. Unless you are a very rude and ignorant individual, you will naturally be more cautious while dealing with strangers. I always try to tread lightly and carefully when it comes to total strangers in public. I expect not to have to get into a confrontation with them in an awkward situation. The upside of it, is that folks appreciative it, and Thank me for it, most of the time.

As I said in my previous blog, the ones closest to you feel entitled to “get at you” and mistreat you, because they know you. They feel the liberty to treat you worse than a stranger, instead of quietly simply tolerating you. If you are able to stomach the mistreatment, you have the choice to quietly tolerate them, or not. I hope this post helps you, if you are currently or have had this problem.

Even with the most love in your heart, and good intentions, “they” still may not like or know how to tolerate you. Always protect your energy, don’t sacrifice it just to be around them.

Stay tuned for my next post, Goodnight 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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(Cont’d) Just Some Thoughts🤔:They Don’t Like You, They’re Just “Used” To You…..

The folks you think should care the most about you, because you were born into a group with them, simply may not like you. They are just used to knowing you, which means they are tolerating you. I know this sounds very negative, but it’s the truth. For self preservation it’s best to keep your distance.

It’s best to keep your distance, you have to protect yourself, physically and emotionally. Self preservation is the most important reason, risking offending them is not even relevant. The beauty of growing up, into adulthood, is that you can make this decision before a problem arises. Believe you me, something will always happen, to remind you how they feel. They will feed off of your energy whether you give it to them intentionally or not. Their goal is to hurt you and to see you squirm. Tolerating a person should not bring them any harm. We tolerate strangers on a daily basis and don’t do them any harm, but one who is close to you feels entitled to get at you. I hope that makes sense to you, it’s a terrible thought to share, but it’s the truth. Stay tuned for my next post, Good Morning or Good Night 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Paying Attention To Distractions🙄, What Is Going On?🤷…..

Sometimes I feel as though I am a human video camera…observing, documenting, and recording us humans in these times. If these are supposed to be the last days, I guess that explains why our priorities as humans are completely out of whack.

It’s difficult for me to watch adults pay more attention to their cell phones than their own children. If it’s not a cell phone it’s something else distracting them from keeping at least one eye on their child/children. I can’t count how many times I have seen little children, babies, toddlers running around the mall by unaccompanied. I have actually witnessed little ones close to the size of a doll, alone in the halls, no adult in sight. A few times I had to approach an aloof security guard and bring him to a child that may be lost. I think to myself, does anybody else notice these children??? Why does it always seem to be me who sees them, all the while people walk by not noticing. A few of my friends who work in the mall, complained about this too. When they see these children in their stores, they are reluctant and fearful to approach a nearby adult who they think is the parent. They, as I, worry that they may be yelled at or treated with disrespect. We are in a PC culture where accidentally offending a parent could result in a confrontation. Sometimes this is due to a culture and language barrier, folks may react different than expected. They may not appreciate being approached or questioned about their child.

Back in the day, you could approach a stranger with ease and ask them if a wandering child belongs to them. Even if they were offended in some way, they showed their appreciation by keeping their feelings to them self. They were thankful that somebody cared enough to ask about their child. It seemed to be a priority, for all of us….Or maybe it’s just me?

Take Care until my next post.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Just Some Thoughts🤔:They Don’t Like You, They’re Just “Used” To You…..

Had I went with your agenda, maybe you wouldn’t have attacked me, or “came for me” and maybe we’d be hanging out right now. Maybe you would still “like” me and would call me, just to talk about nothing. Had I not listened to my gut, Lord knows you could have baited me into a fight. I would’ve ended up blaming myself for putting myself in a vulnerable position, because simply being around you is a hazard for me. I know you don’t really like me, and I really don’t know why, but it really is not my problem. I don’t say much to you, I don’t put you down or judge you. I’ve never laid a hand on you. I never had a desire to fight you, I would agree with you just to keep the peace. Some people have told me that you are jealous of me, but I never thought that. They told me that I can not see it, but they can, from the outside looking in. That thought never crossed my mind, especially because I looked up to you. I admired you and I learned a lot from you, I looked to you as a role model. It confused me that you could not, or did not want to see that. You can give your best and try to do your best by those you love or claim to love you, but it doesn’t guarantee that they will reciprocate. I can’t help but express my disappointment. Now that I am older, I exercise my right to keep my distance from anyone that my instincts tell me is no good for me. They say you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends and people you choose to associate with.

The folks you think should care the most about you, because you were born into a group with them, simply may not like you. They are just used to knowing you, which means they are tolerating you. I know this sounds very negative, but it’s the truth. For self preservation it’s best to keep your distance. That’s all for now, stay tuned for my next post.

Good Morning or Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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Boundaries&🚷🙅Protecting Yourself…..

Continuing from Boundaries and Home Life…..

The time I spent as a child in woman’s shelters had a significant impact on me, both good and bad. I’m sure my mother never expected to have to be housed in a shelter with all of us. I was too young to understand how bad our situation really was. My innocence was protected as much as possible and I will forever be Thankful to my Mother(RIP) for that. The rules and boundaries she set were the only shield we had. Shelters are “open season”, you do not know exactly who or what you are dealing with. I never considered myself any different than the people around us. That could have been attributed to my innocence and upbringing, I was never taught to discriminate based on appearances. I didn’t fear the ladies with the hard exteriors or needle hole scars all over their arms. I was that child who was quiet and shy, people would pinch my cheeks and st me on their lap. I would sit with them as they had adult discussions, trying not to squirm. I was trying to be polite. One day my Mother explained the dangers of our new environment after she noticed me sitting with the ladies. I’ll never forget what she said, she told me that I must be careful when I’m around these ladies because they are not “like us”. She didn’t get into detail, but she did inform me that they were still strangers who could possibly hurt me. When I grew up I realized what she was trying to relay to me. Some of the women were from and still involved in the dangerous street life, some of them were criminals, some not mentally stable or on drugs.

She was trying to protect me, without putting other people down, I understand why she chose to explain that way. I listened to her, and held that lesson close to me throughout my life…..

I’ll continue in my next blog.

Good Morning or Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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(Cont’d)Shame&Hunger🍞🙁 Pains…..

I remember a very important and inspiring statement said by a famous singer in an interview. I won’t quote her, but she spoke about healing from trauma brought on by her tumultuous divorce. The betrayal from her husband hurt her to a point where it was affecting her physical health. She grew up in poverty and many a time, did not have lunch to bring to school. She said dealing with being hungry as a child pales in comparison to her current pain. Her analogy touched my soul because it was true, I could relate. I’ve used it as a point of reference over the years.

Getting through the hard times is inevitable, I just need to remind myself to be easier on myself. The hunger Pains won’t last long, their only natural. Shame comes from trying to hide them, and there is no reason to feel the need to hide them. There is no shame in hunger Pains. Stay tuned for my next post.

Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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Shame&Hunger🍞🙁 Pains…..

There’s no shame in the struggle we sometimes have to endure while going through tough times. If you are steadily working at improving yourself or living standard, difficulties will arise. It’s an important part of the struggle, that I am still learning to embrace, instead of resent. Going through “hiccups”, tough times, can take a toll on your confidence, especially if you usually have your stuff together. An unexpected change in your circumstances, or a mishap/mistake can cause you to feel a sense of shame. I’ve felt that way many times in my life, and lately I’ve been feeling that way. I will usually fall silent and stay to myself, because I am solely focused on getting myself to a comfortable position. I’ve been told by friends and family that I “disappear” or go M.I.A, and I don’t intend coming off that way. I realized the other day, that I am trying to hide the fact that I’m struggling, and feel insecure. It feels as though I am trying to hiding, the way I try to hide hunger pains, and a growling stomach. Have you ever had to hide the sound of your stomach growling because you were afraid people would hear it? Have you ever had to hide the fact that you were truly hungry and didn’t know if or when you were getting your next meal? It forces you to come up with lies to cover up that you are actually hungry, especially if you haven’t been eating.

There is no shame in hunger pains, and I have more to share, but I’ll continue in my next post.

Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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(Conclusion)It Would’ve Happened Regardless☹️…..

The news does always know the facts or post the facts. Social Media and “hear say” is where we usually get the real story when these situations occur. A social media post by family confirmed that the young man did not pass away. He is hospitalized and in critical condition. The conflict that caused the incident was unnecessary, and this is the BIGGEST problem with “us”. Apparently the suspect did not even know the victim, so it wasn’t personal.

My cousin and I had a discussion about this, as we reminisced about the time we were almost trampled in a crowd at Toronto beaches. Folks were terrified because they thought gunshots went off, but I later found out that it was actually over an altercation involving a bottle being thrown. The crowd was massive composed of Canadians and American visitors spanning across the beach sands. I only attended the festival to support my older sister who was a rap artist opening up for the famous acts. I’ll tell that story in another blog, but it was a very scary experience that changed my outlook on attending certain types of events.

Unfortunately, I am reluctant to be around the people who I am supposed to be comfortable around. I am not the only one who feels that way, and it’s a shame that I don’t think that it’s going to change.

Until next time, Good Night and Good sleep:)

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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It Would’ve Happened Regardless😒…..

I didn’t want to write about this topic because it deeply upsets me for many reasons. I am tired of the senseless violence that erupts at what are supposed to be “fun” events. If you’re from Toronto, I’m sure you heard about the tragic stabbing at Woodbine mall in Rexdale.

The so-called “ghetto” area where a young man lost his life outside at a music event, actually looks like this:

I took the first two photos yesterday, and the day before yesterday. I wanted to show the yearly circus that they are setting up, and the way the parking lot usually looks on a regular day. The last photo is of a Cuban band that comes every year and performs fantastic live music inside of the mall. I always have a chat with them, as they are very friendly.

I reside near by, so I do the majority of my shopping there. The environment can be hectic and annoying at times, because this mall is famous for the indoor “Fantasy Fair”, Ontario’s largest amusement Park. The mall is usually packed with families and small children, and you will often hear kiddie show music as you enter. On a weekend there may even be a dog or magic show. There are (cultural)music festivals/concerts held inside and outside the mall every year. I have chosen not to attend any of the events/ concerts but I do enjoy the music from afar. I’m not one for large crowds, especially at music events. I have experienced being caught up in the typical chaos that tends to happen, a fight, a stabbing, or gunshots. It’s sad to say that I’m a pretty fearless person, but I do not trust these events because I know some in attendance are not there to have fun. There will always be the ones who come to find a person they have “beef” with or to simply cause trouble. This is the norm now and it is not normal to me. I had just walked home from the mall after doing a little shopping. Hours later I received that text and wasn’t that surprised. My friend texted me that there was a “shoot out” and “I will never. Ever. In my life do that s*** again.” I was very disappointed and literally shook my head. Ironically hours before, I had just had spoke with a few girls who were going to the festival. I asked them who was playing. They said that they did not know and we all laughed because none of us did. They said that they were just “going”, and I told them to have a good time as I walked away. I guarantee they did not expect a man to die.

I read about this online, and many blame the location of this year’s festival on the violence, which is absolutely absurd. I heard the story from my friend who witnessed the whole incident, and actually saw the young man injured and bleeding out. She said that security wasn’t very good, and this would’ve happened happened regardless of the location. I agree. SMH.

I will continue in my next blog.

Good Evening 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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Boundaries🚷&Home🏘️ Life…..

When it comes to your home, having an “open door” lifestyle where everybody and anybody can walk through at their leisure, will bring you nothing but problems. Not everyone NEEDS to be in your space, especially if you have children. I appreciated that my mother didn’t allow random people to be around us, just for the sake of having company. I noticed she was constantly asked about her social life, they assumed she didn’t have one because of how quiet she was. She was a private person to a degree, but she was very social. I truly appreciated that she chose to protect us in our home environment as much as possible. As dangerous as the inner city can be for a young woman, add on a handful of small children. Why add more potential dangers to your home when the outside world is as hard as it is? Had something tragic happened to one of us, she would be the one to blame. It sucks to say, but she understood that and was sure to instill clear boundaries for herself and us kids.

The time I spent as a child in woman’s shelters, had a significant impact on me. I’ve touched on this in other blogs, but I’ll be sharing some of my experiences in detail in future blogs. I’m sure my mother never in a million years expected to have to be housed in a shelter with us. I was too young to understand at the time how bad our situation really was. The environment my mother created in the shelter made me forget where I was. Had she allowed strangers in our room, it wouldn’t have been the same. The rules and boundaries she set were the only shield we had, because shelters are “open season”. I’ll elaborate in another blog, stay tuned.

Good Night:)

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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(Cont’d)Father and Father Figures(Appreciation)❤️🧔…..

The men who gave me knowledge, wise words, and instructions for surviving in this crazy world, came in many forms. Uncles, teachers, coaches, co-workers, my God-brothers, even older school mates.

Surprisingly I had a few good older dudes in highschool who made it a point to look out for me. Some were my older sister’s friends, and the felt inclined to keep an eye on me, protecting me from the dark side of high school. My sister was VERY social, and extremely popular, so I had to take it in stride when they’d tease me, calling me baby. I used to resent being called “cute” cute like a baby! It was so annoying! Everyday they would tell me to “Go Home!” after school, even though I was going home. The “go home” thing was a light-hearted joke, like your parent l telling you to go straight home after school, and don’t get into any trouble. I used to respond, “I’m am going home!” and they’d smile and give me the thumbs up. I looked up to some of them, and I had a crushes on a few, they were the good-looking, popular, basketball player types. Majority of the girls my age in school would desire to sleep with them, but I viewed them as big brothers. They would playfully tease me about being skinny, pulling at biceps calling them “muscles” or make fun of me for my fifteen year old 90’s fashion, my double decker – soled tennis shoes. It was all innocent and I didn’t mind the attention from the cool kids. It was flattering that they appreciated my innocence and considered me a “good girl”. I was being myself never following the typical path that teenage girls peer pressure each other to follow. These young men only had a few years on me, but had a tremendous impact on my self-esteem.

I’ve crossed paths with a few after we grew up, in real life and Facebook. I remember hearing “Wow!…..You grew up!” after a compliment from one of my former teasers. I smiled and responded with a sarcastic remark, and he gave a nervous laugh.

Stay tuned for my next blog, good night:)

Love &Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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Father&Father Figures(#Happy Father’s Day)🧔…..

I dedicate this blog to my father and all the father figures that have influenced me in a positive way. Father figures have made a significant impact on my character, and I was fortunate to have many good Father figures throughout my life. I’ve touched on in a previous blog the event that lead up to my father’s incarceration. But he was absent off and on before that, and us children were used to it. There were times that I needed him, but didn’t allow myself to think about it because I was used to it. Not having him around, many lessons came through father figures or men that chose to help me “peep game”. They taught what I needed to know, some lessons unknowingly, some deliberate and blunt in their delivery. I learned life saving lessons, and was motivated by encouraging words.

I have some stories to share, and I’ll continue in my next post.

Love &Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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The Importance of Structure & Daily Priorities📝…..

Continuing from my last blog…

I was saying that one of the most important life lessons that my mother instilled in me, is to live by a daily with a structure, and to have boundaries. My mother lead by example, and showed me how daily priorities are always the TOP priority, no matter what. She woke up early every morning to cook us breakfast and to prepare tea, or some type of hot drink. Even when food was short, she would prepare us dumplings (that tasted awesome with margarine and jam) and make enough to feed a village. Socializing, watching TV, and idle time comes second. Have you ever heard that saying, “Idle dog worry sheep” it’s an old saying that Jamaican’s say. There is too much to do in a day to be idle, wasting time wandering around can only lead to problems. I couldn’t blurt out “I’m bored….” because I may get the unasked for response, “Go read a book!”

Daily priorities aren’t “chores”, they are as important as breathing or walking. Without them, a normal day could become the most chaotic day of your life. I came up with the anology that they are simply equivalent to a VIP guest, that you must tend to everyday.

Your space should be your sanctuary, regardless of how big or small it is, or what you have. Growing up with many siblings and being a twin, I didn’t have much control over my home environment, and it really frustrated me at times. I shared a room with my twin for many years, and as different as we were, we agreed on how our room should function. We rearranged our room every so often, and we treated it as though we were interior designers. We kept our room clean and organized, and took pride in our space. I enjoyed sharing my space with my sister, but it was cool when I finally had my own room. Creating my own sense of comfort in my own space was liberating, that’s why I didn’t mind moving out alone on my own. I’m a “home body” and I enjoy the comfort of being in my own space. I enjoy my privacy, I protect my privacy essentially to protect my health, and of course my mental health. That is what it all boils down to.

Stay tuned for my next blog, good night:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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🌹The Day After Mother’s Day…..

Forgive me, for this post is delayed….

I intended on posting this the day after Mother’s Day, but I didn’t, because my heart was too full in a good and sad way.

Every year is different, and I didn’t know how I’d feel this year. I try not to take holidays seriously in general, so I didn’t think I’d be affected. I chose not to participate in the family’s Mother’s Day gathering because I felt as though I had no reason to be there. As negative as that sounds, I truly felt that way. My closest bestie cousin told me that everyone missed me, and was asking about me. That was surprising, because I’m always around, I just wasn’t up for it. They couldn’t understand how I feel, and I expect that, it’s been this way since she passed away. I admitted to myself that the things that haven’ t been settled or completed yet, make me feel sad and disappointed. It takes away from the comforting memories that float through my mind. I thought about what the most important lessons I learned from her, and how much I miss having a regular conversation with her. I thought about how much I’ve grown and I understand even more the reasons behind certain lessons. Her strict methods and explanations have never left me.

One of her most important lessons, if not thee most important lesson that she taught by example, is establishing a daily routine, having structure and boundaries. It has helped me navigate through rough and trying times. It has protected me from the stresses of this world, like a shield. I don’t know where I’d be without it, I wouldn’t have made it this far.

I have much more to say RE routine, structure and boundaries in life, but I have to go sleep now. Good night and Good morning😊, catch you in my next blog!

Love &Respect,

Dawn Lovely

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We Have What We Need(Part 2)…..

Last year I watched a few documentaries regarding the crisis in Venezuela. I was aware of what was going on over there, but seeing it was another story. Watching footage of the grocery stores empty, a low toilet paper supply was a big wake up call. Some of the people stated, They never expected that it would come to this” they were not expecting to have to leave their home, and live on the streets with their children. They didn’t expect to only have enough to feed their toddler once a day. Their access to the basics changed, items like milk, eggs and bread no longer available. Their environment became chaotic, and unlivable. At this point in time, for many, obtaining basic needs rules their daily existence.

We’ve all been guilty of taking our daily bread for granted. I grew up and have only lived in Toronto and the”GTA” so I am accustomed to certain standard of living. Whether you are penny pinching or thriving in this economy, you expect to wake up and be able to purchase the basics from your neighborhood corner store.

I am relieved every time I step out of the shower after a long day. My stress and troubles are eased away in addition to being clean. I couldn’t imagine not having that luxury, and I do not take it for granted. If tomorrow you woke up without access to clean running water, you would think about yesterday when you had that water. If you didn’t mop your floor or wash your dishes, you would be yearning for that water to flow from your faucet.

We have what we need to live, life is simpler once you realize that. We have what we need to live, so use what you have now to do what you’re supposed to do.

Have a safe and productive Saturday:)

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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We Have What We Need…..

Why can’t people simply put their garbage down the garbage chute, instead of leaving it on the floor???I take a big breath and give myself ten seconds, to help prevent me from becoming angry. I am easily triggered by unnecessary mess, especially when it’s in a common, public space that everyone needs to use. I’m very disgusted and disappointed each and every time I see it. We are a “civilized” society with a very advanced waste disposal system. Even with all of the building notices, and hand written notices by tenants and superintendent warnings posted, folks still don’t do what is required of them. We don’t have much work to do expect bagging and putting out the garbage, according to basic guidelines. It never seizes to amaze me, that regardless of the “type” of building, I see the same laziness. The chute is very easy to use, and very convenient, even a four year old can use it with ease. My four year old nephew loves to help me throw the garbage down the chute. I don’t want him to turn the handle by himself, but he always goes on ahead and tries to do it on his own. He finds it fun, as little children find learning to do chores fun. So I allow him to help, because it encourages good habits he’ll need when he’s older. Even he understands that there should not be any bags of garbage on the floor, and helps me push them down the chute without hesitation. I laugh at his enthusiasm and innocence, because he takes it very seriously as though it was his job. Four year olds are awesome, but I digress….

So, as a civilization, we have what we need to live, so it baffles me that the more advanced we become, the lazier we allow ourselves to become. Maybe I’m wrong, this is just an observation, and the garbage chute is only one example. Have you ever seen trash thrown on the ground outside, literally ONE foot away from the trash can? Or trash thrown directly beside the trash can?? I find that absolutely ridiculous, unless the wind blew it there, how come they didn’t simply drop it in? Here in Toronto, we even have trash cans that have a valve that you can step on, to avoid touching the flap with your hands. Very, very convenient! I just noticed that the other day, now I use that valve all of the time. I have more to say on this topic, to be continued…

Rest well and have a good night,

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Under The Weather…..

I was under the weather for a week or so, and I lost my voice due to the very harsh wind and cold. I’ve never had laryngitis in my life, and it came at the worst time ever. I had to postpone a few things, including singing, which was sad. I’m preparing to record but my vocals chords couldn’t do it. This was a sign that my body needed rest, and I need to preserve what was left, I barely had a whisper.

I was trying not to write about weather, but the state of the weather is very relevant, especially lately. It has been up and down on a daily basis, extreme highs and lows. What used to be 10 degrees, the start of spring, a relief from the long winter season, now feels equivalent to -10 degrees. No weather report can prepare you for the unpredictable and powerful winds. This weather truly blows my mind, and if you reside in Toronto Canada, you know exactly what I’m talking about…

It started to rain on my way home from the grocery store today, and on my way there it was a lot warmer than expected. I wanted to take off my jacket, but I was worried the wind would get me. I feared that l would catch a cold again, or something even worse. So much thought put out into a simple walk to the store. There was absolutely no sign of rain to come, and I’m usually in tune with the weather.

Whether or not the weather (no pun intended) is natural or influenced by man, we still are at it’s mercy. There is only so much that we can do to bear with it. I’m less interested in all the theories/conspiracy theories that I used to ponder regarding the weather and “Who” controls it. If pollution and our abuse of this planet has contributed to damaging our weather pattern, we really can’t complain.

In my opinion the weather represents the fact that we truly are under it, the weather RULES. If it happens to snow “out of the blue” again I will not be surprised, nor will I be angry at the weather.

Rest well and have a good night

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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(Continued)It’s Bigger Than Teeth…..

I felt ashamed for needing my mother at this point in my life, I felt extremely vulnerable….My tooth pain brought me back to a different place. As I tossed and turned trying my best to fall asleep. I tried to bear the sensation that I can best describe as knives stabbing me repeatedly. I reluctantly took an advil, and tried to distract myself by listening to a program, then I felt to call out for my mother for help. At that moment I felt that I needed to hear her voice, to have her reassure me that the pain was only temporary. I felt she was the only person who could understand.

I remember after I moved out on my own, one night I slept over at the mom’s house and wasn’t feeling well. I was coming down with the early stages of a cold, coughing, curled up on the couch with a blanket. I fell asleep, and as I awoke, my mother was standing in front of me with a glass of fresh orange juice mixed with garlic. This was her amazing, quick fix remedy to cure a cold, and I was very happy to drink it. It warmed my heart that she took the time to do that because although that was her way, I forgot about the benefits of coming back home. I would usually have to get up and make my own concoction for a cold, and it was very nice having it done for me.

So the night I felt I truly needed her, I actually felt guilty for needing her, because she already gave so much of herself while she was here. She took care of me, of us, and didn’t hesitate to go the extra mile. She literally put my pain, her children’s pain ahead of hers all the time, one hundred percent. When she passed away, I felt and thought that she deserves a rest, a break from this earth plane. I replayed all the times that I was sick, it hurt or needed her to assist me with treating an illness. I thought about how much she did for me multiplayed time six, plus the other children she helped who were not hers. My gratitude and appreciation has grown more for her the older I grow. I am flattered when I am compared to her, but also saddened when reminded of her leaving…..

It’s difficult for me to witness so much lack of appreciation and willingness to carry on what the “good” people do when they are here. That is why I chose to share these thoughts. It’s bigger than teeth.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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It’s Bigger Than Teeth…..

I’ve been meaning to post since my last blog, but have been distracted, because I am in pain. I’ve been enduring tooth pain for the past weeks due to an issue with a wisdom tooth that hasn’t grown out, but is right beneath the surface wreaking havoc on the tooth beside it. It’s starting to worsen, which unfortunately is affecting my daily life, and I’ve even had to miss work.

Growing up I experienced a lot of pain due to my crooked front teeth. My mother had to bring me for x-rays often. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I constantly had headaches and pain due to my jaw alignment. My mother didn’t promote unnatural medicine, but there wasn’t much else she could do but give me aspirin to relieve it. I hated taking it. I avoided these type of medicines because of this.

Over the years I had many dentist and orthodontic appointments because of my teeth issues, and I actually enjoyed going to those appointments with my mother. It was time that I rarely got to spend with her alone, attention that I needed. I enjoyed the bus ride and going to the store without a bunch of other kids around. My mother always made sure that I was comfortable and aware of what my appointment would entail. She warned me of the possible pain I would have to endure and I appreciated that.

By looking at me know you’d never know that I wore a head-gear and braces for years. I often receive compliments for my teeth and smile. People don’t believe that I actually used to get made fun of for my severely crooked front teeth, which I will talk about in another blog.

I’ve taken the best care of my teeth as I can, even spent hundreds and hundreds due to having no dental insurance. I made sure to get those yearly check ups and keep my oral health in tact. My mother’s influence set that example. When she passed away, I thought about how much time, effort, and money that she specifically put into my teeth. She helped grow my self-esteem, a beautiful smile can go a long way in life. She invested in my teeth as a single mother struggling at times to ensure our basic needs were met.

The other night I found myself wanting to cry out for my mother. I was tossing and turning in my bed, trying to fall asleep and block out the excruciating pain I was in. I haven’t had that feeling since I was a child, and I wasn’t the type of child who cried for my mom when I was in pain. I didn’t want to stress her out, I didn’t want her to worry about me.

I felt ashamed for needing my mother at this point in my life, I felt extremely vulnerable….My tooth pain brought me back to a different place.

I will continue in my next blog, it’s bigger than teeth.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

So…..WHY Do We Do This???

I thought it was a rumor, I didn’t look long enough to confirm if it was. I googled his name and nothing significant came up, so I left my computer and went about my business. As I walked up the stairs to leave, my aunt yelled to me, that he had been shot AND killed…

The internet is odd to me when it comes to violent acts, people lying and making up stories for attention is a norm nowadays. I don’t believe everything I hear, so I didn’t believe that anything really happened to this young man until it was confirmed. I was very upset and and felt drained at that moment. I felt sorrow, disappointment, and anger. The first thought that came to my mind was, he is so young, and didn’t get to finish his course, and what are the people going to do without him?!! What are his children and woman going to do without him?? More children left without a father, who was ACTUALLY taking care of them, AND his community. Who else has the strength and courage to build and help others the way he did???

The reason I originally started following him and taking in his music, was because of his attitude and build- it-on- your own mentality. As I received text messages about it, I couldn’t express how annoyed I was. Although I do not know him, and know he was not perfect, I still felt he deserved to at least live until forty. Who knows how much more he could’ve done and learned…

There’s something else I need to add, that’s been bothering me RE death and the internet’s manner of dealing with it. Celebrity or not, if we claim to love and admire this person so much, why would you post such a gruesome scene of their last living moments??? Do you think that HE would post the same of you if the roles were reversed??! If your relative died in violent manner caught on camera, would you want to see a video of them layed out on the ground, fighting for their life??? Of course not!!! Getting over the initial shock of them dying is difficult enough, so is a visual necessary??? Do we need to see everything?!! NO. OF COURSE NOT!

But I guess that comes along with the price of fame, everything is open for the public. I feel as though we the people, need not want to see all the details, it’s unnecessary. Famous or not, we can help with “well wishes and prayers” or just do the fair thing, that you’d want done for you or your family if you were in that tragic situation.

I don’t feel the need to post the name of who I’m talking about, I’m sure the majority of you figured it out.

I hope you get the rest you need, you accomplished much in your thirty-three years. I appreciate your lessons and encouragement and of course, your quality music.

Good Night.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

Daddy& Expectations(Continued)…..

What did I expect??? Have I set the bar too high???, Why is this even bothering me?? I thought I was passed this, I know how he can be…..What is going on here???

I was disappointed in myself for expecting so much out of him, even though this wasn’t much to expect. It was what I had grown accustomed to, and that was embarrassing to me. I was ashamed and embarrassed, almost felt like a child. The feeling didn’t last for long though. Within seconds I decided that I wouldn’t even warrant his message with a response, a response was not needed. I received my answer and this marked a new chapter in our relationship, and in my life. I understood so much more who he really is, and that he is much more broken than I knew. My natural intuition did not pick up on this, because I was still getting to know the “older” version of him and from a distance. The checking in texts and short phone calls could only go so far, and to top it off, I am one of six. My efforts at times are over-shadowed by whatever’s going on with them. It seems we are going backwards, and the more he punishes himself, the further he’s pushing me away. I don’t think he’s aware of it. Very sad, and is a waste of time, because we had come so far, so I thought…

The expectations I have in life, especially with men in relationships, and even friends and family, have been influenced heavily by my expectations of my father. I’m still checking myself on it. I am aware that I hope for the best, yet subconsciously expect whatever to happen, which is not cool. This situation was significant, because it reminded me that I can not expect others to grow as fast as I expect, regardless of how much I do on my part….

There’s more to share, but I gotta go to bed now, stay tuned for my next blog. Have a Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely