(Cont’d)Shame&Hunger🍞🙁 Pains…..

I remember a very important and inspiring statement said by a famous singer in an interview. I won’t quote her, but she spoke about healing from trauma brought on by her tumultuous divorce. The betrayal from her husband hurt her to a point where it was affecting her physical health. She grew up in poverty and many a time, did not have lunch to bring to school. She said dealing with being hungry as a child pales in comparison to her current pain. Her analogy touched my soul because it was true, I could relate. I’ve used it as a point of reference over the years.

Getting through the hard times is inevitable, I just need to remind myself to be easier on myself. The hunger Pains won’t last long, their only natural. Shame comes from trying to hide them, and there is no reason to feel the need to hide them. There is no shame in hunger Pains. Stay tuned for my next post.

Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

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Shame&Hunger🍞🙁 Pains…..

There’s no shame in the struggle we sometimes have to endure while going through tough times. If you are steadily working at improving yourself or living standard, difficulties will arise. It’s an important part of the struggle, that I am still learning to embrace, instead of resent. Going through “hiccups”, tough times, can take a toll on your confidence, especially if you usually have your stuff together. An unexpected change in your circumstances, or a mishap/mistake can cause you to feel a sense of shame. I’ve felt that way many times in my life, and lately I’ve been feeling that way. I will usually fall silent and stay to myself, because I am solely focused on getting myself to a comfortable position. I’ve been told by friends and family that I “disappear” or go M.I.A, and I don’t intend coming off that way. I realized the other day, that I am trying to hide the fact that I’m struggling, and feel insecure. It feels as though I am trying to hiding, the way I try to hide hunger pains, and a growling stomach. Have you ever had to hide the sound of your stomach growling because you were afraid people would hear it? Have you ever had to hide the fact that you were truly hungry and didn’t know if or when you were getting your next meal? It forces you to come up with lies to cover up that you are actually hungry, especially if you haven’t been eating.

There is no shame in hunger pains, and I have more to share, but I’ll continue in my next post.

Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

(Conclusion)It Would’ve Happened Regardless☹️…..

The news does always know the facts or post the facts. Social Media and “hear say” is where we usually get the real story when these situations occur. A social media post by family confirmed that the young man did not pass away. He is hospitalized and in critical condition. The conflict that caused the incident was unnecessary, and this is the BIGGEST problem with “us”. Apparently the suspect did not even know the victim, so it wasn’t personal.

My cousin and I had a discussion about this, as we reminisced about the time we were almost trampled in a crowd at Toronto beaches. Folks were terrified because they thought gunshots went off, but I later found out that it was actually over an altercation involving a bottle being thrown. The crowd was massive composed of Canadians and American visitors spanning across the beach sands. I only attended the festival to support my older sister who was a rap artist opening up for the famous acts. I’ll tell that story in another blog, but it was a very scary experience that changed my outlook on attending certain types of events.

Unfortunately, I am reluctant to be around the people who I am supposed to be comfortable around. I am not the only one who feels that way, and it’s a shame that I don’t think that it’s going to change.

Until next time, Good Night and Good sleep:)

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

It Would’ve Happened Regardless😒…..

I didn’t want to write about this topic because it deeply upsets me for many reasons. I am tired of the senseless violence that erupts at what are supposed to be “fun” events. If you’re from Toronto, I’m sure you heard about the tragic stabbing at Woodbine mall in Rexdale.

The so-called “ghetto” area where a young man lost his life outside at a music event, actually looks like this:

I took the first two photos yesterday, and the day before yesterday. I wanted to show the yearly circus that they are setting up, and the way the parking lot usually looks on a regular day. The last photo is of a Cuban band that comes every year and performs fantastic live music inside of the mall. I always have a chat with them, as they are very friendly.

I reside near by, so I do the majority of my shopping there. The environment can be hectic and annoying at times, because this mall is famous for the indoor “Fantasy Fair”, Ontario’s largest amusement Park. The mall is usually packed with families and small children, and you will often hear kiddie show music as you enter. On a weekend there may even be a dog or magic show. There are (cultural)music festivals/concerts held inside and outside the mall every year. I have chosen not to attend any of the events/ concerts but I do enjoy the music from afar. I’m not one for large crowds, especially at music events. I have experienced being caught up in the typical chaos that tends to happen, a fight, a stabbing, or gunshots. It’s sad to say that I’m a pretty fearless person, but I do not trust these events because I know some in attendance are not there to have fun. There will always be the ones who come to find a person they have “beef” with or to simply cause trouble. This is the norm now and it is not normal to me. I had just walked home from the mall after doing a little shopping. Hours later I received that text and wasn’t that surprised. My friend texted me that there was a “shoot out” and “I will never. Ever. In my life do that s*** again.” I was very disappointed and literally shook my head. Ironically hours before, I had just had spoke with a few girls who were going to the festival. I asked them who was playing. They said that they did not know and we all laughed because none of us did. They said that they were just “going”, and I told them to have a good time as I walked away. I guarantee they did not expect a man to die.

I read about this online, and many blame the location of this year’s festival on the violence, which is absolutely absurd. I heard the story from my friend who witnessed the whole incident, and actually saw the young man injured and bleeding out. She said that security wasn’t very good, and this would’ve happened happened regardless of the location. I agree. SMH.

I will continue in my next blog.

Good Evening 🙂

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

Boundaries🚷&Home🏘️ Life…..

When it comes to your home, having an “open door” lifestyle where everybody and anybody can walk through at their leisure, will bring you nothing but problems. Not everyone NEEDS to be in your space, especially if you have children. I appreciated that my mother didn’t allow random people to be around us, just for the sake of having company. I noticed she was constantly asked about her social life, they assumed she didn’t have one because of how quiet she was. She was a private person to a degree, but she was very social. I truly appreciated that she chose to protect us in our home environment as much as possible. As dangerous as the inner city can be for a young woman, add on a handful of small children. Why add more potential dangers to your home when the outside world is as hard as it is? Had something tragic happened to one of us, she would be the one to blame. It sucks to say, but she understood that and was sure to instill clear boundaries for herself and us kids.

The time I spent as a child in woman’s shelters, had a significant impact on me. I’ve touched on this in other blogs, but I’ll be sharing some of my experiences in detail in future blogs. I’m sure my mother never in a million years expected to have to be housed in a shelter with us. I was too young to understand at the time how bad our situation really was. The environment my mother created in the shelter made me forget where I was. Had she allowed strangers in our room, it wouldn’t have been the same. The rules and boundaries she set were the only shield we had, because shelters are “open season”. I’ll elaborate in another blog, stay tuned.

Good Night:)

Love&Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

(Cont’d)Father and Father Figures(Appreciation)❤️🧔…..

The men who gave me knowledge, wise words, and instructions for surviving in this crazy world, came in many forms. Uncles, teachers, coaches, co-workers, my God-brothers, even older school mates.

Surprisingly I had a few good older dudes in highschool who made it a point to look out for me. Some were my older sister’s friends, and the felt inclined to keep an eye on me, protecting me from the dark side of high school. My sister was VERY social, and extremely popular, so I had to take it in stride when they’d tease me, calling me baby. I used to resent being called “cute” cute like a baby! It was so annoying! Everyday they would tell me to “Go Home!” after school, even though I was going home. The “go home” thing was a light-hearted joke, like your parent l telling you to go straight home after school, and don’t get into any trouble. I used to respond, “I’m am going home!” and they’d smile and give me the thumbs up. I looked up to some of them, and I had a crushes on a few, they were the good-looking, popular, basketball player types. Majority of the girls my age in school would desire to sleep with them, but I viewed them as big brothers. They would playfully tease me about being skinny, pulling at biceps calling them “muscles” or make fun of me for my fifteen year old 90’s fashion, my double decker – soled tennis shoes. It was all innocent and I didn’t mind the attention from the cool kids. It was flattering that they appreciated my innocence and considered me a “good girl”. I was being myself never following the typical path that teenage girls peer pressure each other to follow. These young men only had a few years on me, but had a tremendous impact on my self-esteem.

I’ve crossed paths with a few after we grew up, in real life and Facebook. I remember hearing “Wow!…..You grew up!” after a compliment from one of my former teasers. I smiled and responded with a sarcastic remark, and he gave a nervous laugh.

Stay tuned for my next blog, good night:)

Love &Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

Father&Father Figures(#Happy Father’s Day)🧔…..

I dedicate this blog to my father and all the father figures that have influenced me in a positive way. Father figures have made a significant impact on my character, and I was fortunate to have many good Father figures throughout my life. I’ve touched on in a previous blog the event that lead up to my father’s incarceration. But he was absent off and on before that, and us children were used to it. There were times that I needed him, but didn’t allow myself to think about it because I was used to it. Not having him around, many lessons came through father figures or men that chose to help me “peep game”. They taught what I needed to know, some lessons unknowingly, some deliberate and blunt in their delivery. I learned life saving lessons, and was motivated by encouraging words.

I have some stories to share, and I’ll continue in my next post.

Love &Respect,

Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W