Weeping(Just Some Thoughts) 😢😪…..

I need my tears, I love my tears, I don’t know what I would do if I could no longer cry. My tears are as important to my eyes as sight. I feel relief after a good long cry. I try not to cry in front of others, because I know it will upset them. People have told me that they don’t feel comfortable seeing me cry. I have heard this throughout my life. I have shared in previous blogs, even during baby ages, choosing not to cry when in need. Adults, relatives who knew me since I was a baby can tell you the same, this is no lie. I’ve chosen to withhold my tears in many situations when I shouldn’t have. I sacrificed my inner peace to protect others from the pain of my tears.

Once on a dark rainy day, a stranger walked passed me on the street and said, “You made it rain!….. “ I wasn’t even offended by his random and uncalled for comment.
My energy was off, and I was crying, lightly but I didn’t think anybody noticed. I was trying to literally walk it OFF. I knew the man’s comment was said for a good reason. I felt that it was a message from the Most High, reminding me of what my tears represent. I know my tears hold power and beauty at the same time. I make a conscious effort not to waste them.
I remember as a child, my Mother (RIP) thanking me for not crying and being extra after I hurt myself. She didn’t mind me crying, but appreciated that I made it easier for her to deal with the situation.

Lately, I find myself shedding light tears at times when I think about certain things.
The tears slide down my cheek and are even a surprise to me, because I don’t feel so sad to cry. The tears aren’t always about me, they could be for anyone, even those I do not know….. I more to say, but it’s time to get ready for bed.
Stay tuned for my next post. Have a safe and productive Sunday.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

Oh and Btw🤔…..

There are a few points I want to add to the story from my last blog, it’s 2:25 in the morning but I had to release these thoughts. I hope they help you put public confrontation in perspective.

Immediately after I was accosted by the belligerent stranger, a younger looking gentleman approached me approx five minutes later. He approached me, and actually said the EXACT same thing with the exact same actions as the previous man. I wasn’t surprised by that, however I was surprised at how fast he left me alone. I responded to him pretty much the same way that I did the other man, except I said less words.

I was pretty calm already, so when he quickly walked away, I was relieved and happy. I was happy that I didn’t take any frustration out on him. I noticed his calm, humble energy, I felt he knew he was interrupting me, I think he mumbled “sorry” or “okay”. I appreciated his manners.

When in defense mode, you may assume the next person, may go too far. It’s only natural to assume, but you can not. I believe I manage to be cool and calm in public because I don’t hold the actions of one stranger against the next. I will still hold the door for next person, even though the previous did not say “Thank You”. If you’ve worked any Customer Service positions where you are dealing with the public you’ll understand what I mean. While on the job you are not allowed to mistreat a customer or client because the previous person was rude to you.

As you navigate 2020, remember, don’t let other people’s actions affect the way that you react. In these times it’s not worth it, and you’ll regret acting the fool! If I happen to slip up, I’ll be sure to tell you.

Exercising these lessons into your daily routine will only help your days run smoother.

Good Morning or Good Night:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

PT2 The Belligerent😡 Stranger,(It’s 2020)Pick Your🤜🏼 Battles!…..

Continuing…..

I knew at that point, there was no need for me to attempt to speak or argue back. I was relieved however, because he stepped several steps AWAY from me before going off……Had he moved towards me yelling, I would have reacted differently. I wasn’t scared at all, I was more concerned about MY anger. I wasn’t trying to get riled up, or even engage in an argument with anybody. I felt he didn’t deserve my energy. He wasn’t worth my time. For all I know, he could be a murderer or psychopath. I just wanted him out of my face, out of my personal space. The fact that he was moving away from me showed me that he understood that I did not want him near me. I don’t think he knew though, that I am actually of the same ethnicity as he, and understood his patios and attitude very clearly. I allowed my logic to lead me and put my anger on the back burner. My calm disposition bothered him, he seemed offended. I couldn’t help but say something to him, as I shook my head. Words slipped out of my mouth after he said, “This is a PUBLIC PLACE, I can do what want!!!” I responded in a low calm voice, “And you’re still here talking…..” (meaning, YOU ARE FREE TO WALK AWAY, AND GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!!!) I truly did not intend on saying anything but hey, my personality slipped out. He finally completed his rant, walking away in the direction from which he came, mumbling something sarcastic. I didn’t give a damn what he said, I was just happy he walked away and didn’t come close me. I felt irritated and shooken up by the abrubtness of the whole encounter, but also proud of myself. I passed the confrontation test, I felt as though he knew how silly he looked.

The moral and lesson of this story is, your anger is YOURS to control. I was so relaxed and in my zone before this man approached me. I made a vow to myself not to let anybody or any occurrence take me out of my character. It was as though I was outside of myself looking in, and acting up would be a betrayal to myself. Thinking that way, really helped remind me not to let anger get the best of me! I knew this was a test, because I had not been yelled at by anybody in a looong time until this happened.

Although I am not an angry person, I do have deep rooted anger that comes out in the worst ways at times. I have shared some experiences and stories in my blogs but there’s so much more I’m going to share with you. My personal demons are rooted in anger and control, over circumstances in my past that were beyond my control. I truly hope if you have similar issues, that my blogs help you navigate through them. I know the results are working through me, and even loved ones tell me they see the difference.

Stay tuned for my next post and Happy #2020! 🙂

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

The Belligerent😡 Stranger,(It’s 2020)Pick Your🤜🏼 Battles!…..

I didn’t write New Years Resolutions, but I have made necessary changes to my self that started last year. The changes are imperative to my health and well being. One of them are to improve on controlling my anger inside my body, and controlling the words that leave my mouth in anger. It is a skill I am trying to perfect, and been working on as long as I have been aware of it. My loved ones have addressed it as well, called me out, checked me, and tried to help as well.

An unprovoked confrontation with a very large man in a public place, a belligerent stranger, put me to the test the other day. I was completely caught off guard but 100% maintained my cool inside which took the most effort! I know how to maintain my cool in public places with rude folks, however, yelling, swearing and aggression can really cause my anger to skyrocket. If it does not come out, it still does damage on the inside, regardless. The very large man approached me, leaned over on the chair beside me perching his face on the ledge, and said Hello. I said Hi back, because I have manners, but he was looking at me as though he expected me to proceed to talk to him. I already knew this, because I spotted him before he came towards me. I was chill, in a very chill mood, but I didn’t feel like having a conversation with this man. He had an energy that made me uncomfortable, and he had possibly been drinking. I didn’t feel like talking to anybody, and I felt he was a little too close for comfort. He yelled a very derogatory curse word in patois, because I told him veeeery politely that I did not wish to speak, and I was busy. Which I actually was! I try very hard in my daily life outside, not to offend or disrespect men in public. I am by no means the snobby type, who takes pride in being rude to people, especially men who approach me for ANY reason. It’s crazy these days, that anything and everything can be taken the wrong way when dealing with the opposite sex. I was very, very annoyed, and slightly shook up. I had the option of calling security to intervene and remove the enraged man, but I didn’t. He was already causing a scene, and I wanted NO parts of it. My bestie cousin also works there, she’s actually a head supervisor in charge of the floor. I knew she would take this matter on if she found out, I didn’t want to involve or upset her. Plus, she’s very protective of me. I didn’t want things to escalate, so I watched him with the corner of my eye…..quietly. I trusted my gut, and let the man continue to go off. Ironically he stated, “This is a PUBLIC PLACE!!!” I knew at that point, there was no need for me to attempt to speak or argue back. I was relieved however, because he stepped several steps AWAY from me before going off……

I will continue in my next blog, stay tuned. Good Morning or Goodnight:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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I’m Here&Clear, Happy New Year!🎉🙏❤️…..

This time of year I reflect on what I am most thankful for, everyday things that most take for granted. A clean safe space, a warm bed, and a full stomach are more important than celebration or parties. The weather has been decent, bearable and NO heavy snow! First off, I am very Thankful for that. We’ve been having above zero temperatures, which is amazing for this time of year. Being able to navigate the city on foot, without the worry of catching frostbite, is a relief. The temperature will drop indeed, but I appreciate what it’s been thus far.

It’s been over a month since I posted on social media, and I didn’t exactly celebrate the holidays, but took the time to reflect. I’ve been in a quiet space with minimal noise or distraction, it’s the medicine I needed after November’s events. I do enjoy the company of family during the holidays, but I needed solo time. The holiday season going into the New Year is the best time to reflect. I always keep in mind that there are many out there who barely have the basics. I have been one of those children who grew up at one point having a TV style perfect Christmas. I have also spent Christmas in a completely different situation. I remember as a little girl our God mother bringing us professionally wrapped presents. They were placed under the tree in the Women’s shelter we lived in. This tree that had a minimal amount of gifts under it. Looking back, I question if that tree was only put up for decorative purposes. The only gifts I remember seeing under it were ours. I felt a little sad and a sense of guilt knowing the other children who resided there would probably not receive anything.

I understood that we were blessed, regardless of our misfortunes. Moving forward into 2020, I walk with that thought. There is so much more I plan on sharing with you this year. Thank you for taking me in:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Nov 15th(RIP “Daddy”)My Birthday🎂 Was Bittersweet…

I’ve been meaning to post for days now, but I couldn’t focus, my thoughts were all over the place. I was thinking about my grandpa in the hospital, in a coma. I was thinking about about how much I wanted to fly down to Miami and visit him, just so he could hear my voice. I wasn’t able to go. As my birthday approached, I wasn’t feeling good about that, but I was optimistic that he’d wake up. He was starting to exhibit signs that he would but some folks around him were already writing him off. I was upset and angry that they weren’t giving Daddy the energy he deserved. I tried to keep my composure and keep my thoughts positive. I’ve always known Daddy to be a positive man, and a fighter who bounces back from anything. I was prepared for the worst, but hoped for the best as I waited to hear an update. My Auntie G and the fam around were very optimistic about Daddy bouncing back as well.

In the wee hours of my birthday morning I texted my twin sister wishing her a Happy Birthday. I also praised us for making it this far. I’m proud of myself for making it through another year in one piece. That is most important to me every year, but I do love birthday cake, and presents. Anybody who knows me, knows that!

In the afternoon, I was informed that my grandfather was no longer with us. I knew there was something off, just by the manner in which my Auntie told me. A decision was made and we were not informed. I knew his passing wasn’t natural, I could feel it. I didn’t ask any questions, it wasn’t the right time for that. It was my birthday and I most definitely did not feel like seeing anyone or celebrating. I was just going to stay in my room, quiet to myself. My fam didn’t want that though, they wanted us to all come together, and celebrate the way Daddy would’ve wanted. I felt as though Daddy’s comforting energy was present. Auntie hugged me saying it’s my day and we will be celebrating with cake. I felt a little better hearing that, I had no excuse to go and hide away. My cousin texted me telling me she’s on her way.

This is a birthday I will never forget. RIP Daddy.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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The🦋Butterfly Dream…..

Day by day I practice telling my mind, to instruct my body to let the stress go. To simply release the negative thought or feeling and put it out, not let it manifest for more than thirty seconds. I remind myself that I do not have control over everything, and in time it’ll work out.

When I’m feeling unsure or insecure about a change, my dreams will often reflect those feelings. The other night I had a short dream about a colourful butterfly that was flying all around the house. It was actually the fam’s new pet, an exotic pet a strange but pleasant surprise. In the last scene the butterfly became injured some way. I told my family, and the called a vet to the house who mended the wound. I was relieved as I watched the beautiful butterfly get back to flying again. When I awoke I felt calm and satisfied. I felt a sense of peace and reassurance remembering my dream. I looked up the symbol of a butterfly in the dream dictionary, and it all made sense. There has been a string of misfortunes we’ve all been affected by, so I shared my dream with my family. I told them that the dream was a little strange, but was good for us all. I’m headed in the right direction, better yet we’re headed in the right direction!

Good Night and Good Sleep:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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