In The Meantime:🙄Prepare To💝 Share&👀Look Out…..

I’ve been working on this blog for about a week, before my birthday that just passed on November 15th. I intended on posting some of my thoughts, but I was busy and my heart was too heavy on that day. So I will share about the significance of my 2020 birthday in another blog.

Let’s go back in time to before that week…..

“Have a good night buddy! And stay warm!”, I heard a dude tell another dude as I turned the corner to go home. They were sitting outside eating at the restaurant on the corner, the one with the lovely fire lamps. Hearing those words bothered me, because we had just come out of a 20 degree weather week! The unseasonably warm weather has reverted back to regular autumn weather. So now we’re in that borderline “winter-ish” part of autumn, the anticipation of real winter is kicking in. NOT Good. Folks are literally being left out OUT IN THE COLD. No more indoor dining allowed, and awkward lines on the streets again. More businesses closing, and the open ones have twice the restrictions. I was pleasantly surprised to see the larger local gym open last night, with a sprinkle of people in it. Now the second lock down has been announced, and it’s confirmed, for Monday.

There’s no more time to figure out what we should all already know. Conspiracy theories aside, as I’ve said before, a lot about this situation doesn’t make sense. My heart hurts for the locals who have been forced to shut down, yet again. They were following the rules perfectly and so were we. As annoying as this all has been since March, I felt more of a connection in the community since the first shutdown. People going out of their way to respect each other’s space, as much as possible, doubly distancing. Now, (allegedly) over one hundred restaurants have been forced to close, and it’s not even December. We are all shaking our heads and asking questions, while complying.

Last week, a gentleman and I had a five minute conversation, debating if we should go inside the restaurant and who should go first. As I saw him approach the door, I let him go first, but he stopped and told me to go first. There was about a line of five people inside and I thought that was way too many. I didn’t want to risk getting kicked out by an employee, so I decided to wait outside. I was not in a rush. As I waited outside the door, customers quickly exited, so the wait wasn’t that long. That same gentleman spoke kindly and made a few jokes with the employees behind the glass. He even made a joke about him being an “old man” and them being young, and not to worry about rushing his order. We all agreed that he was not at all an “old man”, and he chuckled and said, “That’s a good thing” about the mask. It hides my face/my age!

His lighthearted attitude was much appreciated. He was sure to Thank the employees, and even Thanked me, for allowing him to go first in the door. A little thing, simply Torontonian manners, but for some reason it meant more.

That was just a week or so ago, but now things have changed drastically…..again. We had our first major snow fall, one day after the second major shutdown was announced. I will continue in another blog.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Care For The Fragile…..

I had strange dream last night. The dream felt real. I was conscious of my thoughts and actions. Touch felt real. If you follow my blog, then you know how important dreams are to me. I don’t remember them every night, but when I do, it’s for a reason. I haven’t had a nightmare in while, and this shook me to the core…..

I saw a newborn baby laying on a bench, and nobody was around. It was a ghost town not a person in sight. As I approached, he began to fall though the cracks of the bench! I was horrified! I quickly slipped my hand under the baby’s back, attempting to stabilize him. I was concerned I might hurt him because he was fragile, a preemie. He squirmed in my hand and began to cry. I was relieved because he was responsive, but distraught because I couldn’t hold him. I couldn’t pat his back or gently rock him…I stared down at him in despair. Where were the parents???Why didn’t they care???

I couldn’t find a solution to the problem at hand. I felt I failed him, felt like a failure, very sorry for this child…..

As I awoke the dream stayed with me. I reminded myself that it wasn’t real, but the baby’s image was in my eyes. He was weak and fragile and needed protection, but was abandon. He was given up on, left to fend for himself. I guess he was too much of a burden? Maybe I couldn’t save him, but it was worth a try.

I realized what the dream meant after hearing tragic news about a loved one. This dream to me, represented the fragile and delicate, of mind. The people who suffer from mental issues, anxiety, depression, etc. They may need a little support to get by. Doing what you can, and not casting them off could help prevent them from falling through the cracks…
I have more to say on this topic, but I’ll save it for another blog.


~Dawn Lovely

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The Value of Friendship….How much do you care?

I was thrown off by some very unsettling news recently, so I had to put my writing on hold. I received a very upsetting phone call the other night, It was my ex, we have been in contact for years,  and have remained friends from afar. Every so often he will  phone me, or vise versa,  just to say hi, we call it, “Just, calling to see if your alive.”

Before I start, I would like you to know that I told him that I would be writing about him, and sharing this experience. I’ve known him for over 15 years, he’s been a friend/friend of the family, and has been a long time supporter of my writing, so he didn’t mind. He was the first person to purchase my self-published book that I wrote years ago, and has always encouraged me to express myself through my writing.

I remember in high school, I always looked up to him, I considered him to be very funny, intelligent, charismatic….. His wit, and high energy drew people to him. I failed to notice the fact that most of the times that I saw him or was around him, he was drinking alcohol. At that time in my life everyone around me smoke and drank to some degree, so it wasn’t unusual, however I found out very quickly that there was more reasons for his drinking than meets the eye……He was alienated in his household because he was “different” from the rest. He didn’t believe in the religion he was raised in,  and he chose to question everything, this was one of the things that made him the “black sheep” of the family. He was also  labelled a “nerd” for his avid reading,  interest in books, and constant quest to seek knowledge.

One night he took off his glasses, looked me in the eye, and told me that he felt out-of-place in this world. That nobody understands him, that he feels like an “alien,” and that he only feels “safe” or “comfortable” when he’s drinking. He confessed that he was drinking to cover up his pain. Now it all made sense to me……

As the years went by his drinking problem became worse, and I would constantly confront him about it. I tried to be as understanding as possible, and suggested things he could do to help him “cut down” on the liquor. There were a few people around him, who would try to talk to him about it, but he would dismiss them, as he did me. We grew further and further apart. I noticed the changes in his personality, the moodiness, the change in temperament, but I would still visit from time to time. I tried to help him in any way I could. I would even be an “ear” for him if he wanted to talk. I never referred to him as an “alcoholic” but everybody else did. My eyes finally opened up to the reality that he had a substance abuse problem, that is causing irreversible damage, and that could eventually end his life………

I made one last attempt at helping him, we discussed options, possible doctor/specialist visits, me accompanying him for support, even meetings, whatever would help him pass the first steps of recovery. He said he tried already and refused my help and I realized there’s nothing more I can do….I told him that I fear for his health being damaged to a point of no return by his late thirty’s. My influence didn’t seem to mean much, we were getting into arguments and I found myself saying very harsh things to him out of frustration and anger. I felt unappreciated and insignificant, so I made a conscious decision to separate myself from him in life. Not to call or speak to him ever again. I stuck by that decision, until I answered a call from an unusual phone number, it was him….He proceeded to tell me that he wants me to know that he went through a traumatizing incident recently, he was rushed to the hospital emergency unit due to a severe anxiety attack,  his heart was beating DOUBLE times it’s normal rate. After being checked out, the doctor informed him that he has two blood clots, one on his lung, that almost went undetected had he not been rushed to the emergency room. He spared me the details, and I didn’t want to pry, but he summed it up as “being close to death,” he’s taking medication, and he’s “okay.” Of course when I said I was worried, he told me “Not to worry.”

In conclusion, I was disappointed that it took this incident to wake him up. I could tell he was reluctant to tell me the details.  I had said this was my biggest concern and maybe he thought I’d say, “I told you so.” I did not say that. As a matter of fact, I asked him what he needs from me at this point. There is no sense in being “friends” with a person if you are going to throw their hardships in their face. I do not know if we will maintain contact at this point, but I’m 100% sure he learned his lesson, and for that I am Thankful. I hope he monitors his health and I wish him the best.


~Dawn Lovely

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