Conclusion

Shutdown Stress: The Conclusion, The Bakery Battle 🍪😬….

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

Sorry for the delay! I’m continuing from where I left off, and I also have something else to say:

Coupled with shutdown and virus fears, I’ve become even more understanding. I’ve had customers attempt to go to battle with me over the phone, before I explain the refund or freebies I’m about to give them. It feels like folks have more pent up energy to battle over nothing, due to-quadruple-shutdown fatigue. My patience has been tested on a daily basis by defensive customers. Their worry and fear causes them to act up, when they have received a promo deal late, or they think they’ve missed a potential deal. They panic and fret over the money they think they’ve lost, or money they hoped they would not have to spend. I totally understand, and am very empathetic towards them. The problem is, they act as though it’s a conspiracy against them! It can be very difficult to communicate when they are all riled up. I remind myself, that this may be their biggest problem of the week. I always keep in mind that everybody’s problems are different, and the pandemic has introduced many brand new problems to many folks. Problems that they never could imagine having to deal with. We all have our problems they say, and I try not to judge who has it the worst, but I find myself doing so. Every time I walk past a homeless person, who’s crouched down with a mug in hand hoping for change, I know that I don’t have it the worst…

As I exited with her bread, she Thanked me again, and continued to chat. I was actually ready to walk away, and go about my business, but she continued asking questions. She was curious about where I came from, and where I lived before moving here. I assumed she was curious because our short convo earlier. My perspective on this neighbourhood was pretty solid, and I told her that it was “different” when I was younger. She proceeded to explain the differences from her day on to now. I spoke freely about my family being one of the only black families on our block, but we were very comfortable. She shared with me that there was only a few on her street, back in the day. I could tell she was trying to choose her words wisely, which I found amusing. She told me that she’s been living in this neighbourhood for forty years, and that she was seventy years old! I never would have guessed that, she looked amazing for her age! She had a lot of spunk and spirit. I thought it was super cool that she cared to hear my opinion, and have a genuine conversation. As we walked towards our destination, she Thanked me again for getting her bread. I said, You’re Welcome, and it was nice speaking with you, feel free to say Hi if you see me around. She responded the same.

Although the bakery battle did not result in a verbal or physical altercation, it still had an affect on me. The last thing she said to me was in reference to that same rude lady, “I guess it’s the type of customers that frequent that place…..” I found that very interesting for a few reasons. One, she wasn’t talking about colour, race or creed. She was talking about BAD MANNERS ATTITUDE, and SNOBBERY!

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me@:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

(Conclusion) Am I The Right Fit🤨???…..

~ dawnlovely

Continuing….

I’m kinda over this….maybe I’m not fit for this anymore?? I sighed inside and listened attentively to her next question. They became easier to respond to, because I couldn’t give a “wrong” answer. I immediately became more relaxed, and began to recite responses that I usually give. I put a different spin on them, and thought, damn I’m sick of telling these stories….I always feel the need to make them “sound” interesting, so I don’t bore myself while talking. I also want to make sure they remain interested and the stories are memorable. I figure, the ten people before me may have gave a boring forgettable answer, and mine will be the best. I felt a surge of energy and I was able to answer her questions with enthusiasm. I thought to myself, this feels like an audition, they always do….

It doesn’t matter the type of work I will be doing, it doesn’t matter if the office is nicer looking than the previous. It doesn’t matter if I’ll be making a few dollars an hour more, it feels the same, and I think it’s time to stop lying to myself. The moment I knew my body had enough, my health has been affected, I’m not learning anything new, it was time to go! I’ve known this for a long enough time to allow myself to accept the truth. Sitting in that suffocating office was the slap in the face that I needed.

Back in the day I was thrilled to get a job that I thought I was more “upper class” because I considered it an improvement. I considered all the other types of work I did kind of “juvenile”. I felt as though I needed a change in pace so I’d be taken seriously as I grew older. But, when I look back at the positions I’ve held since I was fifteen, they actually did me well. I was given more responsibility, was paid better and was happier doing that type of work. I even had a few managers/supervisors give me a few raises within a short time period. They told me my positive attitude and dedication was appreciated. That made me feel good, proud and important. I even had a supervisor tell me, he knows he can leave the place in my hands because, “I won’t let the f****** place burn down”.

It’s cool to be appreciated and compensated for your genuine efforts at work. Regardless of your field, age or salary, your time is the most valuable. When I hear stories about folks who work in “high paying” positions throwing it all away due to being unhappy, I now 100% get it. I understand they accepted their true purpose instead of making excuses to remain unhappy.

I am able to adapt and learn, and fit in these new environments. Now I am taking a leap of faith and trusting my gut. I am NOT the right fit, and that’s not a bad thing.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely, https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W

That “Home” Feeling (Conclusion)…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

(Continuing……….)

From that point on we were homeless. We ended up moving  around from place to place, hotels, motels, and shelters for a looong time….It became normal and I forgot how life used to be. Being that my mother was always a quiet, poker-faced woman who rarely complained or talked a lot, I had no idea how serious our situation was, being young and innocent too…..

I have vivid memories about each place we stayed, schools I attended, fascinating/broken  people I met, and being exposed to shady characters, and the”dark side” of life….At one point, we were literally “on the run” with our father, and stayed at a beach side motels in Toronto…It was just life. I didn’t feel in danger, or afraid…I felt protected and safe. I was happy being with my mother, father and siblings…..I felt at home throughout those times and I have a warm feeling in my heart when I reminisce…..Those are the stories I used to love to talk with my siblings about…We had fun most of the time, and we found ways to entertain ourselves and made it a group effort. That was the beauty of it all…..

Those times are more precious than gold to me. I learned  and saw a lot, good and bad, but I can honestly say that I felt more at home then, than I do now in my current situation. The beauty of this town, the suburban comfort, the beauty and unique design of my surroundings, can not replace or fill the void of  feeling at home. I know for a fact that material items, a pretty picture, doesn’t do it for me. I wouldn’t understand how valuable it is to build a home for yourself, the physical and spiritual aspects of it all, if I didn’t have to grow these experiences….

We eventually left the last women’s shelter with our mother and my mother was able to move us into a townhouse in a town in the GTA. We moved into a house again, and I remember running around the fresh, new, carpeted place thinking…Okay this is HOME! Plus I had my own bedroom that I was going to be sharing with my twin sister…I felt a deep sense of pride…..We resided there from then on, no more homelessness…..

So now as my birthday approaches and I’m waiting patiently to find out the status of my place, living day to day out of rubbermaid bins, and luggage, I tell myself that I will be home soon…..I’ve seen the worst it could be, and I’ve fortunately never had to live on the streets. I’m warm and safe, and focusing on what I DO have but I can not fake the fact that I don’t feel at home in this large, lovely, vacant space…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

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