Please forgive me for posting this blog late. #HappyMothersDay to all the mothers out there and RIP momma, I’m missing you today.
I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve been writing, and I’ve been meaning to share. Since the time I told my father why I don’t trust him and after I posted my blog, I didn’t hear from him for a few months. That is the reason I was reluctant to post my blog. I thought maybe I was exposing too much, although I didn’t say anything disparaging about him. I actually felt “guilty”……By the time I posted, I decided to delete it, because I felt as though I was betraying my father. Fortunately one of my loyal subscribers noticed, and asked me why I did that. I felt embarrassed because I didn’t think anybody read it. She left me a heart-felt comment, commending me on my honesty and transparency. She told me that my blog is important, and it may help others. I came to my senses and re-posted, her comment helped me realize that I shouldn’t feel ashamed for sharing my story. Many people have broken relationships with their parents for various reasons. I’ve come across many people who don’t talk to their father, who lives in close proximity to them. It’s difficult trying to build a solid foundation with a parent who hasn’t parented you for the majority of your life. The scattered memories may be all you have to remember them by, and as you grow older, many of those memories may be repressed, or dissolved. It’s almost as though you have to create a foundation to re-start from, and hope you both can come to a mutual understanding. Establishing a common ground that you’re both comfortable moving forward on, and communicate as much as possible. I’ve had to get used to speaking my mind with no filter, and letting my guard down when I feel it coming back up.
The last conversation I had with my father was liberating. I told him that he was a priority to me, and this time, the silence was not awkward, but reassuring. He was truly listening to me! Not just to my voice, but to my heart and soul.
Something has changed, and I’m not worried about whether or not it will go away, I’m more focused on nurturing it, and watching it grow.
~Dawn Lovely Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely ,https://t.co/wfctLWHJ1W
I’m sure you’ve heard before that it is healthy to forgive in order to move forward in life. Holding a grudge wastes a lot of energy, it’s emotionally draining. I used to be a champ at holding a grudge. I didn’t realize that by holding a grudge, I was feeding that grudge, which in turn was eating away at my soul…..
The part of the forgiveness that I’ve struggled with is, letting go. It was difficult for me, especially in my teenage years. I felt if I let go, then I would be forgetting what was done to me, and why it hurt me…..in a way, I held on in defence. I was very, very wrong. You can forgive, but you don’t have to forget, and you don’t have to dwell or hold a grudge either. I wish I would’ve exercised this earlier on in my life. I wasted years being angry inside that anger was affecting me in various ways, it was stifling me…..
Years ago I watched a TV program where a family of a relative who was a murder victim of a senseless act of violence, publicly forgave the criminal convicted of taking the life of their loved one. A mother who lost her son due to a robbery that turned violent, chose to confront and speak to the convicted young man doing life in prison. I found this compelling. Listening to the mother stirred up all types of thoughts and emotions in me. Her words struck a chord in me. I couldn’t imagine speaking face to face with the one who took my loved one, and forgiving them face to face for that matter…..
I will never forget that program because it showed me another level of forgiveness that I had never thought about. It caused me to question myself on why I still had issues with releasing the last traces of anger left in me so I could at least speak to a person, to tell them, “I forgive you.” Forgiving a person who you know, who is close to you, can be difficult to do because seeing their face on a daily basis can be a constant reminder of disappointment. It would be impossible to completely forget what was done to you. The memory may never leave you. That being said, drawing up a new set of boundaries, and maintaining them, will help you move forward. Forgiving a person does not guarantee they will appreciate your forgiveness or even treat you better. Boundaries protect you from any further damage or disappointment. I will forgive and proceed with caution…..
Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely
Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂