Those Holiday Expectations 🙄🎄⏳💭…

Christmas day was exactly what I expected it to be. I had worked the night before, and was exhausted the next, and slightly anxious. I wasn’t sure that I would see my family, even though my beastie cousin invited me to Christmas dinner. I assumed she would be doing the majority of the cooking, organizing the house, and dropping off/picking up family. I assumed that she would be too tired, or run out of time, by evening. I assumed she’d run out of steam, and not be able to trek all the way to midtown and pick me up. I was right. I wasn’t mad or upset about it, just a little disappointed. It was one of my only days off in a extremely grueling work week. I truly wanted to spend my off day with my extended family, I miss them more than ever.

My intuition told me that she was probably had burned out, and was exhausted. Come to find out, I was right. I went the whole day and didn’t address it, I was too tired. By night, I texted her to check in, and let her know that I wasn’t quite sure what the day would bring, because I didn’t hear from her all day. She promptly replied, in broken text, that she was out all day, didn’t sleep well, and wasn’t feeling well, but it was NOT the virus. She added “SMH” and that her “body said no mo”. I knew she was tired ASF. I hoped she would get some quality rest, and would feel better by the next time we talked.

So, Christmas was exactly what expected, but Thankfully, I don’t get caught up in holiday expectations. What are holiday expectations you ask? Well you didn’t ask, but in case you don’t know, I will explain. Holiday Expectations, are those elements that are associated with the holiday season: Putting up a Christmas tree, Christmas lights, purchasing and receiving gifts, buying fruit cake and or making rum cake, Christmas bun, gathering with all of my relatives, buying chocolate, buying candy, buying cookies, buying and/or receiving Christmas cards, time off of work/vacation time, kindness and or understanding from others, a big holiday budget…I don’t get caught up with Holiday Expectations. I stopped that way of thinking a loooong time ago.

Growing up I was blessed with having the most amazing Christmas’s, even at the worst of times. My mother (RIP)made sure to make our Christmas magical, and I truly enjoyed the time I spent with my five other siblings. I feel very, very blessed to have those memories. It’s good enough for me! I don’t need anything but food and a roof over my head, in order to enjoy my holidays. Some folks still don’t understand that about me.

This year has come with a whirlwind of unpleasant surprises, and making through is a blessing. I don’t need people to give me anything, spending money and energy they need to preserve. It always saddened me to hear about the stats of folks going through depression during winter and the holiday season. I told myself I would not allow myself to get caught up in that, regardless of what’s going on in my life.

I took this photo on my daily brisk walk home, weeks ago before the snow. I was surprised to see such a large artificial tree, put up in this little parking lot. It looked a little out of place to me. It’s cool that they put up this humongous tree in the parking lot. It’s cool they can afford the energy cost to keep it lighted, but, Aren’t we going through a pandemic??? Which business had this tree put here? Is it from the city? (Shrugs)

I will continue on this subject in another blog. In case I don’t post before then, Have a safe and blessed start to your New Year. Don’t sweat the extras, just appreciate that you made it through the holidays, to 2021.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely


More Than Memories, My Appreciation❤️🙏…….


A few days later I had a fulfilling conversation with my bestie cousin, about the good and bad. I was able to speak my true feelings, and about memories that came back to me. I was able to release pain and disappointment I still feel, about us as a family not collectively celebrating her. Listening to other people talk about her, and that they feel the same, meant a lot to me. I’m reminded that others haven’t forgotten how special she was, or what she gave to us.

I was always at peace with her departing the earth plane, I felt she deserved and needed a break. I miss her, but it was more important for me to honor who she was, than wallow in sadness. To this day I feel the same, and I’m hurt that her legacy has not been honored the way it should be.

It’s more than just the memories it was the effort she put forth, that allowed us to create them. The worst of times growing up, have a memory or two that help me appreciate those times. I have a great appreciation for nature and outdoor activities, because she took us to parks and accompanied us on Creek walks. She made sure to enroll us in a summer camp program or some type of activity, despite being a single mother. She always encouraged me to write, to draw, to express my creativity, all through my life. I appreciate her greatly for that.

Every year I wish I could sit down with her, and tell her how much I appreciate what she did for me, for US. Thank you Mom.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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August 30th 2019 R.I.P🌹🙏😔 More Than Memories…..

I took a break from posting online, but I’m back:) From the day of Mom’s passing anniversary, I’ve pretty much been ghost. Every year is different, and this year I stayed to myself and avoided frivolous conversations. I went away and put myself in a quiet space. I allowed my self to feel what I feel, and I’m glad that I did. I didn’t feel the need to post my feelings on social media on the day, or post a dedication. I didn’t receive a text or call about the day, and that was okay, but still made me ponder….I thought a lot about her, and lessons that she taught me. I thought about how actually doing as she taught me, caused others to resent me. I have a deeper appreciation for her every year, as I grow older. It hurts my heart and bothers my conscience that I still haven’t been able to properly celebrate her with the ones I grew up with….Since August 30th I think I grew a little. When it comes to my feelings, and facing more than the memories of her, I accept where I stand. There’s more to share, in my next blog. Stay tuned:)

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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The Warmth in the Bitter Cold…..

I meant to share these thoughts last week….

I was supposed to go downtown this evening to meet up with a friend from out of town, but unfortunately we are having a major windstorm in Toronto. I was forced to postpone my outing due to the dangerous weather. An extreme weather safety alert had been issued, and considering the weather we’ve been having lately, I swear by the weather warnings. I avoid putting myself in a position where I’ll be stranded or possibly may get injured. This morning, I was literally being pushed by the wind, and I had to run in the direction of wind to keep it from pushing me! I felt silly, and slightly self conscious that people were watching, but it worked! I was able to fight the wind and climb on my GoBus safely! I was releived!

Once again the unruly weather has triggered me, and got me to thinking….

I never know when I’m going to have a flash back of my childhood. I remember walking with my siblings along with my mother on the busy street in the dead of winter. She always made sure we had proper winter gear, and she made us hot chocolate or tea when we arrived home. My mother made winter feel pleasant to me. I looked forward to tobogganing, ice skating and playing in the snow because she never scorned winter. That was cool, considering she was born and raised in Jamaica. Some of my fondest memories of her are from winter. Constantly commuting all around the city has put me back in places that I haven’t been since I was a little girl. As the seasons change I notice the difference in my feelings on the road. Even with the pushy congested traffic and people, I feel at peace daydreaming looking out the window. I spend a lot of time on the road, more than I would like, but it has an upside. Every morning on my commute to work, I gaze out of the window and this feeling comes over me. I pass by one of the largest most popular malls in the city, on the street we used to live. I feel safe when I see that mall, every time the bus turns into the terminal….

I realized the other day even in -20 degree weather those warm thought can take me to a safe place, temporarily, and I appreciate that.

RIP Annette, Miss you mommy.

Have a good night, and good sleep:)


~Dawn Lovely

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Memories of Remembrance Day…..

Back in primary school/junior high, Remembrance Day was treated with high importance and incorporated into the curriculum, and I’m Thankful for that. I asked questions  and participated in class discussions…I enjoyed learning about what the day represents and it put my mind in a different era a place and time. Had I been born in this skin, in that time, life would’ve been different of course, but I found a way to relate. That was my favourite part of learning in history class. Imagining what life would’ve been like, and watching the black and white footage documentary videos…My favourite era…It was distressing to find out the reason for the War… The soldiers and their families experiences hit close to home, and I couldn’t believe how young they were.I found it shocking that men that young were sent off to fight, leaving their families behind…..

For a class project, I created a mock diary written from the point of view of a young soldier. It required research and facts to be included and I put my all into it. Receiving a high grade wasn’t my only goal, I wanted to impress my teacher…I made sure it looked “vintage” with a “sepia” finish, I was satisfied with the finished product. I ended up getting a grade close to what I truly wanted, which was disappointing, however I loved my work. My teacher praised the quality. I took that diary very seriously, the character felt real to me…..That project was a pleasure to do.

I didn’t  wear a poppy every year, but as I grew into my adult years, I began to stop off when I see the veterans in the mall and stores. I stop off and donate, get my poppy, and make sure to Thank them. I feel it’s necessary to tell them that my generation learned about them in school…I have to tell them my age range, so they understand lol, and they show their appreciation by sharing with me their age too. I had a nice chat with a veteran at the gas station a few days a go, and he told me that there’s not that much of them left. People walking by were looking at us chatting, I could feel their curious gaze…I assume they were probably wondering, what are they discussing…..


~Dawn Lovely

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