Asking for Help, Part 2…..

(Continuing)

…..I know it’s unwarranted that I feel ashamed to ask for help when I really need it, and that familiar fear of being judged creeps up and then I’m back to that place, sinking into quick sand…..

I plan ahead waaaaay too much, because I want to make sure that I’ll never be in a position where I’ll have to ask for help…..I know that’s illogical, but it’s the easiest way for me to feel I have control, which of course I don’t…..If I prepare myself as much as possible for NOTHING to go wrong, nothing will, right? That is what I tell myself but when life happens, I’m brought back to reality very quickly, that I do NOT have control over everything around me, things WILL happen…..

I was rudely awakened by a flood in my apartment a few days ago. It was midnight when I felt a pool of water under my feet as I sat down in my living room. I was alarmed when  more and more water was spilling out quickly from an unknown place…..I discovered where it was coming from and phoned my landlord to report the problem. The water heater had a leak or something, we weren’t 100 percent sure, but I followed instructions, shut off whatever valve etc. I was  calm, cool and collected as I watched the water flood out into my living room and beyond…..There wasn’t much more I could do than attempt to soak it up with whatever I had…There wasn’t much we could do until morning, business hours…I wasn’t going to panic and make the situation any worse for my landlord as well, and she thanked me for that. I tend to be calmer than usual through emergency situations…In my mind I was picturing people who’ve suffered flooding, the aftermath of  hurricanes…But I was relieved the water was somewhat contained….Ironically my father called me from Jamaica and informed me that he was preparing for hurricane, so it was on heart….I thought WOW, this really sucks, but it could be WORSE…..

I barely slept and by the wee hours of morning around 5am, the water had reached further throughout my apartment, creeping underneath my bedroom door. It was very bad, and I decided to inform my upstairs neighbours by text, telling them what about the flooding/water heater issue. I felt they had the right to know, since it will affect them too, but  I didn’t want to burden them or make them worry about a problem that they couldn’t solve. They came downstairs ASAP to assist me with trying to contain the water, and we worked tirelessly for 3 hours with all types of supplies to soak up/drain as much water as we could until technicians arrived. We had a great conversation about life situations, and the irony that it happened to be their day off , and they had other plans, but their top priority was to help me…..We worked as a team, harmoniously and managed to clean up ALL of the water which looked like a MIRACLE!

I  expressed to my neighbours, while I thanked them, that I was very apprehensive to ask for help when I initially saw the flooding. They said they’d feel the same way if they were in my shoes. They appreciated the fact that I promptly  informed them of the problem, especially for safety reasons…..I felt extra blessed  that I received the help I needed, and didn’t expect, in one of the WORST predicaments I’ve ever been in by myself…..

At this point, I’m dealing with the aftermath of the flood which is taxing, but I feel that I’m almost over my fear of asking for help….I’m still working on it 😉

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Asking for Help, Part 1…..

I try to be open and available to my family and friends, if and when they need me for anything, anytime, anywhere. I would never want them to feel uncomfortable coming to me for help, regardless of what type of help they need. I had an urgent situation come up a few days ago and I needed help, but didn’t know how/who to ask …..I don’t have t0o much pride to ask, it’s just that I feel very uncomfortable having to say that I’m having a problem, that I can not handle myself…..The fear of not being in control is one of my biggest fears, biggest vices, it’s like a demon that haunts me. I also fear being judged, since I’ve overcame so much over the past five years. I feel as though they might assume I don’t really need the help, that I can handle it on my own. I have a fear of not being considered a “priority” which stems from my upbringing, trying to stay out of the way and not be a burden…..

So many scenarios run through my mind, and I anticipate who wouldn’t be able to help me, and how they’d possibly react to me even asking, before I made any phone calls at all…..I felt vulnerable and insecure, not because I thought they wouldn’t want to help, but because I didn’t want them to worry about me, or add any more stress to their lives than they are already going through….Everyone seems to be struggling through their worst times, at the same time, when it rains it POURS…..

I think to myself, “You’re on your own” that’s it. Deal with it….But that doesn’t solve the problem, and I feel like I’m sinking in quick sand and want somebody to voluntarily pull me out, without me asking…..There shouldn’t be shame in asking for help, and feeling that way is the bigger problem……

I will continue on this topic in another blog. Stay tuned…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂