What Should We Expect?🙄💭❓❄🍃

So, we’ll all be staying home…. for a while. Mentally prepare yourself to be as comfortable as you can, inside. The mainstream news constantly reminds us, what trouble we may get into, if we dare break these rules. So fresh air has become it’s own currency, that’s becoming out of reach. I hate to say that, but it’s true. The weather has been amazing for this time year, no ice, sleet or snow to trudge through. Almost fall-like, ironically my favourite season extended. Unnatural man-made, affected weather, but a blessing in disguise. Going outside to run errands, while filling my lungs with fresh air, is one of the highlights of my day. Unfortunately that has become much more of a privilege, than a basic human right. It’s crazy that we must “schedule” going outside and getting fresh air. I say all this, but I am not complaining. I’m simply sharing one aspect the “triple-double-down- shutdown”, what I named it. The fact that I can be censored for sharing what I see, is very disappointing but I’m not surprised.

I took this photo weeks ago, on my walk home. It’s very close to home. I’ve taken notice of this business since March, and it’s sad to see now it looks as though it’s been robbed. If I ever break my favourite gold chain, again, the one I wear everyday, the one I’ve lost and found, the one I bought as a gift to myself in 2014 for making it out of tough times, I won’t have any place to go to and get it fixed.

I have a lot more to share, but I have to go to sleep for work. See you in my next post.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Those Holiday Expectations 🙄🎄⏳💭…

Christmas day was exactly what I expected it to be. I had worked the night before, and was exhausted the next, and slightly anxious. I wasn’t sure that I would see my family, even though my beastie cousin invited me to Christmas dinner. I assumed she would be doing the majority of the cooking, organizing the house, and dropping off/picking up family. I assumed that she would be too tired, or run out of time, by evening. I assumed she’d run out of steam, and not be able to trek all the way to midtown and pick me up. I was right. I wasn’t mad or upset about it, just a little disappointed. It was one of my only days off in a extremely grueling work week. I truly wanted to spend my off day with my extended family, I miss them more than ever.

My intuition told me that she was probably had burned out, and was exhausted. Come to find out, I was right. I went the whole day and didn’t address it, I was too tired. By night, I texted her to check in, and let her know that I wasn’t quite sure what the day would bring, because I didn’t hear from her all day. She promptly replied, in broken text, that she was out all day, didn’t sleep well, and wasn’t feeling well, but it was NOT the virus. She added “SMH” and that her “body said no mo”. I knew she was tired ASF. I hoped she would get some quality rest, and would feel better by the next time we talked.

So, Christmas was exactly what expected, but Thankfully, I don’t get caught up in holiday expectations. What are holiday expectations you ask? Well you didn’t ask, but in case you don’t know, I will explain. Holiday Expectations, are those elements that are associated with the holiday season: Putting up a Christmas tree, Christmas lights, purchasing and receiving gifts, buying fruit cake and or making rum cake, Christmas bun, gathering with all of my relatives, buying chocolate, buying candy, buying cookies, buying and/or receiving Christmas cards, time off of work/vacation time, kindness and or understanding from others, a big holiday budget…I don’t get caught up with Holiday Expectations. I stopped that way of thinking a loooong time ago.

Growing up I was blessed with having the most amazing Christmas’s, even at the worst of times. My mother (RIP)made sure to make our Christmas magical, and I truly enjoyed the time I spent with my five other siblings. I feel very, very blessed to have those memories. It’s good enough for me! I don’t need anything but food and a roof over my head, in order to enjoy my holidays. Some folks still don’t understand that about me.

This year has come with a whirlwind of unpleasant surprises, and making through is a blessing. I don’t need people to give me anything, spending money and energy they need to preserve. It always saddened me to hear about the stats of folks going through depression during winter and the holiday season. I told myself I would not allow myself to get caught up in that, regardless of what’s going on in my life.

I took this photo on my daily brisk walk home, weeks ago before the snow. I was surprised to see such a large artificial tree, put up in this little parking lot. It looked a little out of place to me. It’s cool that they put up this humongous tree in the parking lot. It’s cool they can afford the energy cost to keep it lighted, but, Aren’t we going through a pandemic??? Which business had this tree put here? Is it from the city? (Shrugs)

I will continue on this subject in another blog. In case I don’t post before then, Have a safe and blessed start to your New Year. Don’t sweat the extras, just appreciate that you made it through the holidays, to 2021.

Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.

Love and Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Daddy& Expectations(Continued)…..

What did I expect??? Have I set the bar too high???, Why is this even bothering me?? I thought I was passed this, I know how he can be…..What is going on here???

I was disappointed in myself for expecting so much out of him, even though this wasn’t much to expect. It was what I had grown accustomed to, and that was embarrassing to me. I was ashamed and embarrassed, almost felt like a child. The feeling didn’t last for long though. Within seconds I decided that I wouldn’t even warrant his message with a response, a response was not needed. I received my answer and this marked a new chapter in our relationship, and in my life. I understood so much more who he really is, and that he is much more broken than I knew. My natural intuition did not pick up on this, because I was still getting to know the “older” version of him and from a distance. The checking in texts and short phone calls could only go so far, and to top it off, I am one of six. My efforts at times are over-shadowed by whatever’s going on with them. It seems we are going backwards, and the more he punishes himself, the further he’s pushing me away. I don’t think he’s aware of it. Very sad, and is a waste of time, because we had come so far, so I thought…

The expectations I have in life, especially with men in relationships, and even friends and family, have been influenced heavily by my expectations of my father. I’m still checking myself on it. I am aware that I hope for the best, yet subconsciously expect whatever to happen, which is not cool. This situation was significant, because it reminded me that I can not expect others to grow as fast as I expect, regardless of how much I do on my part….

There’s more to share, but I gotta go to bed now, stay tuned for my next blog. Have a Good Night 🙂

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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