What did I expect??? Have I set the bar too high???, Why is this even bothering me?? I thought I was passed this, I know how he can be…..What is going on here???
I was disappointed in myself for expecting so much out of him, even though this wasn’t much to expect. It was what I had grown accustomed to, and that was embarrassing to me. I was ashamed and embarrassed, almost felt like a child. The feeling didn’t last for long though. Within seconds I decided that I wouldn’t even warrant his message with a response, a response was not needed. I received my answer and this marked a new chapter in our relationship, and in my life. I understood so much more who he really is, and that he is much more broken than I knew. My natural intuition did not pick up on this, because I was still getting to know the “older” version of him and from a distance. The checking in texts and short phone calls could only go so far, and to top it off, I am one of six. My efforts at times are over-shadowed by whatever’s going on with them. It seems we are going backwards, and the more he punishes himself, the further he’s pushing me away. I don’t think he’s aware of it. Very sad, and is a waste of time, because we had come so far, so I thought…
The expectations I have in life, especially with men in relationships, and even friends and family, have been influenced heavily by my expectations of my father. I’m still checking myself on it. I am aware that I hope for the best, yet subconsciously expect whatever to happen, which is not cool. This situation was significant, because it reminded me that I can not expect others to grow as fast as I expect, regardless of how much I do on my part….
There’s more to share, but I gotta go to bed now, stay tuned for my next blog. Have a Good Night 🙂
Follow me @:https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely