dawnlovely

Stress & Selflessness…..(Part 1)

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Being that I was raised by a single mother who always put her children before herself, there were times I’d feel guilty when I had to ask her for something simple that most children wouldn’t think twice about asking for. I would even hesitate to knock on her bedroom door to ask if she could sign my permission slip for school, I didn’t want to disrupt her because I knew she was exhausted from a long day of taking care of  all of us. I wondered how one person could do so much in their day, and still be available to help everyone around her. I couldn’t fathom  how one little 5’4 lady  had so much energy to share, and I used to jokingly ask her if she was really human, she seemed unreal to me…..My mother’s example taught me what selflessness was, and it set the bar high for what I expected out of others. I thought this is how all people are, but that notion dissolved quickly as I grew up…..

In a society that teaches “Me” and “I” comes first, putting your time and energy into another without expecting anything in return, in my opinion, is rare. But now that I’m grown, I do see why it’s a rarity, because one can only take so  much and give so much…Unfortunately people who constantly give, have higher expectations put on them from others. As the anniversary of my mother’s passing approaches, every year since her passing I reminisce about the “little” things she did for us, and the kind, giving spirit she had. She never complained or showed any signs of discontent through all the years, but obviously she was under immense amounts of stress and pressure, and that’s what eventually contributed to her untimely death…..

I’m going to dig deeper into this topic in my next blog, stay tuned.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Missed Communication&Technology…..

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My email was hacked a day ago, and if you’ve ever been hacked before you know how annoying it is to have to clean up the mess that ensues. My contacts received a very brief email stating that I needed help, and had an attached letter stating that I was in a foreign country stranded. Getting hacked really sucks. You have to cover all bases to ensure there’s no more damage done. On top of that, respond to ALL  the messages and phone calls you receive.

Eventually I was able to see what the actual email looked like. It was very funny to me because although the email was very brief, it wasn’t written in my style. Some friends and family members were unsure if it was really me, which I found disappointing. I thought they’d assume it wasn’t me, just from the way the “subject line” was written. Ironically the people who did notice said that was the first thing they found fishy, they told me that it didn’t “sound” like me. Some friends directly contacted me asking if I was okay but didn’t mention the email, which proved to me that they wouldn’t take an email seriously before they asked me what was going on. It warmed my heart that one of my famous friends from the USA offered to send me money and help me, I texted him and confirmed that it wasn’t me, it was a hacker, I’m okay!. I heard from a relative who I haven’t received a call from in a year……It was strange to me because she chose this time to call me, stating that she was a little worried by the email. I expressed to her  that it shouldn’t take an incident like this to see if I was okay…..The call was awkward but I think she got my point.

The weird part about all of this was that those who I thought truly know me, really couldn’t decipher the real ME from an obvious hacker…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Closing Doors…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

I had a small case of writers block the last few days,  it’s taken me a few times to come back and complete this blog. I’ve been feeling slightly agitated and anxious, so it’s been difficult for me to write…..

I’ve been feeling incredibly frustrated due to family/personal issues, which almost caused me  to close up and go into my “shell” so to say. This was a habit I used to have, and I’ve tried my best not to revert back to it.

Years ago my friend told me that I’m “closing doors” on people who care about me. Hearing this hurt me, because I didn’t think I was doing that…..I was keeping to myself, trying to protect myself. I was still dealing with the crazy aftermath of mom’s sudden passing, I felt alone and exhausted. I attempted to explain this to my friend but my reason didn’t hold up, so I listened….

He told me that I’m closing doors for myself, and closing doors on people who actually care about me. I was thinking, do I really?? He said, ” You need to forget those people who are not supporting you. F em! We’re all here waiting for you, there’s doors open for you, people willing to help and support you, but you’re turning your back on us.” I thought to myself, I am doing that. He’s right…..

The only reason I closed up is because  felt I wasn’t being heard, and that wasn’t fair on my part, because the friends and family who were hearing me were being locked out. I almost allowed my other relationships to suffer or possibly disintegrate for people who are simply not worth my time…..Closing doors may happen by accident, it’s unintentional, but the time wasted worrying about the wrong people may cost you, those doors may close on you,  and when  you  try to open them, they may be locked for good.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Please, Don’t Shoot The Messenger…..

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…..Why do people always shoot the messenger???

The messengers purpose is to send a message, so why not just LISTEN and take it in? I just don’t get it! As I learn and grow older I see this more and more. It’s  frustrating and annoying because messages that should be delivered are not, due to a fear of backlash. I’ve held my tongue at times for this reason. I just didn’t want to deal with it, and I have always spoken up, but it’s a little too much to take a blow for delivering a message that needs to be delivered. The messenger has to bear the bad news in both senses of the word. If anything, they should be appreciated, not shunned.

The mainstream news on television airs all sorts of horrendous stories, and it would be silly to blame the reporters for reporting it, but people tend to attack the messenger based on “what” they are unfortunately,  I hate to say it. It’s ridiculous. If you were walking down the street and a stranger told you there was a terrible car accident a block ahead and the road was closed off, you wouldn’t automatically dismiss their message based on their outward appearance, or your perception of them, right? You’d Thank them, take the message,  and continue walking…..

But I guess it’s easier to shoot the messenger than face the truth, but doing so doesn’t change the truth in the message.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Empathy for Others Experiences…..

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I’ll never forget the story a friend I met at camp told me about the manner in which she lost half of her family. She was born and raised in Spain and was of Spanish/Jamaican descent, but ended up in Canada due to losing her mother, therefore having to immigrate to Canada and live with her father. She told me that she watched helplessly as her mother and a few of her brothers drown in a flood in Spain. I listened in horror and was speechless. We were teenagers, and I couldn’t imagine losing my mother, much less half of my siblings…..I noticed the way she spoke of her fear of  water, going into lakes/swimming pools, and never learning how to swim because of it…..This made me look back at my experience with swimming, that happened to be awkward. I grew up attending summer “sleep away camp” as a child, but never fully knew how to swim. Due to moving around so much, I consistently missed some of the swimming lesson’s provided by whatever school  I was going to. There was so much going on, I never had the opportunity to fully learn. I even remember getting the chicken pox literally the FIRST day of swimming lessons once we moved to our permanent address, something always came up. Since my mother was a single mother, she couldn’t afford proper lessons for us, it wasn’t a top priority…..

At camp, I felt embarrassed having to wear the bracelet you are required you to wear that indicated you were NOT allowed in the “Deep End.” I wasn’t afraid of the water, I knew how to float, how to kick , but I still didn’t fully know how to swim…..I felt a sense of shame, watching the other children play in the water…..

I eventually  learned how to swim, very well. I was enrolled in swimming lessons and passed with flying colours, but it took time to get over that insecurity. There were a lot of bad memories, life experiences that were attached to not learning how to swim. Missing out, constantly moving from place to place, because of our father’s mistakes….My friend’s experience helped me value and appreciate my experience dealing with swimming, which can be a source of shame for those who are passed a certain age and never learned to swim. She went through WAY worse than me, losing her mother and some of her siblings, never feeling safe enough to enjoy the water, and attempt to learn to swim…..Her story became a part of my life experience…..I couldn’t empathize enough.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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A “Little” Dehumanization, Part 2

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

On a daily basis I take notice of the “little” ways we humans dehumanize one another in this modern society that we live in. In the News we watch other countries deal with war, genocide, famine etc. and that has desensitized us to the way we dehumanize each other in “little” ways daily.

I’m very sensitive to others pain, and I don’t consider my pain to be more important than somebody else’s. This has been a blessing and a curse at the same time, and I knew this at a very young age. My parents always told me this as well. It’s a natural part of my nature, as natural as breathing, but sometimes in this society it’s viewed as a weakness. I accept this fact, and I’ve figured out ways to deal with it, and of course, I’m still working on it. That being said, I feel the need to address the recent events in the media, and how WE as people, are contributing to dehumanizing one another by disregarding each other’s experiences. Social media has given us a platform to say whatever we want, whenever we want. It’s brought out the worst in people because they are untouchable, behind a screen, unknown, without a face and no consequences. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and it irks me when I see people hop onto another’s page, and argue with them on who has it the worst…..You have the right to FEEL you have it the worst, but who are you to fight, slander, attack another because they are detailing their own experience dealing with social injustices? This is a very disturbing trend, and when I see it, I try to stay clear of it…..

 

 

I have more to say, but I’m going to try and catch a few hours sleep before I start work. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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The Explosion…..

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My friend called me from work to check in and see if I was okay. There has been a major explosion in the city I live in, near my area…..When I saw his number come up on my phone, I was immediately worried…..In the past, his phone calls have always seemed to bring about bad news. I answered reluctantly….When he asked me if I was okay, I was relieved because I thought something bad had happened to someone in my family, in his city.

When watching a tragedy like this on the news, it’s shocking, difficult to fathom what it would be like to be in THOSE people’s shoes. But when it happens near you,  of course, it’s different. It’s close to home, it could’ve been you…..

I told my friend that I live in a different area, that it didn’t happen near me, but it’s very close to where I live. After I found the news story on my phone, my mouth dropped….I couldn’t believe the site…..Beautiful homes now a pile of rubble in a “prominent” area…Nothing like this has ever happened in this city before….That I know of.

As I walked home from the store, I was thinking about how those people are feeling, what their going through…..We don’t experience tornadoes or earthquakes over here so this is  a rare an unusual occurrence. I thought to myself, while attempting to enjoy the remainder of the evening and nice weather. I took notice of the calm around me, folks walking their little dogs, riding their bikes, heading in and out of stores…..I thought, hmmmm this explosion happened a few blocks down from here, I wonder if anyone else is thinking what I’m thinking….It could’ve been ME…..

I haven’t been feeling well for the last few days, so I took the day off to rest. I felt renewed when I woke up. I tried to make the most of the day, and promised myself I’d get a little writing done and post a blog. I can honestly say that I count my blessings everyday, and simply feeling better today was a blessing.

I said Hi to my neighbours as I entered my place, and complimented them on how beautiful their garden is coming along. The nice, couple responded, “Thank you! We’re just trying to figure out where we should put this new plant we bought.” I looked at the little purple potted plant and smiled. My neighbours take such pride in their backyard…..I wonder if they wonder what it would be like to lose it, as the people a few blocks down from us have lost everything…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Adapting & Life…..

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I always questioned that saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” because applying this to human beings doesn’t make sense since we are human beings, and adapting and changing is necessary for survival. Having to take on different problems and challenges in life is what makes life, life, right?

Elderly folks  fascinate me because  they have lived in times where life was very simple and  have made it through in these complicated times. They  are comfortable using technology, yet don’t allow it to “rule” them. They have adapted where they need to adapt, yet they could survive without it. That’s the best way to be in my opinion. Adapting when you need to. I remember an elderly woman from my old building that I use see often in the laundry room. We’d have a friendly chat every time I was doing laundry. She was seventy years old, but looked very youthful for her age. She told me how many major surgeries she had and how much therapy she’s gone through, which amazed me. You could never tell by her appearance. There was a new machine put in to use to load up money onto your “laundry card”  and she asked me if I could assist her with using the machine. She told me that she doesn’t use the machine. I found that amusing, considering it’s the only option available to put money on your card. As she handed me her bank card I thought to myself, she uses a bank card and there wasn’t always bank cards back in the day, yet she refuses to use this machine to load her laundry card, which is the same concept as a bank card….Well, I thought to myself, I guess she wasn’t willing to adapt to that change lol….I just wanted to share that story with you, I hope you took something out of it 😉

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Fatherless Father’s Day…..

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I called my dad today at 8:00am sharp. I didn’t want to forget to wish him a Happy Father’s day. When he answered the phone, I could sense he thought it was going to be bad news, I have a unique connection with my dad. I immediately said, “Good morning Dad, I’m just calling you to say Happy Father’s Day.” He responded graciously, and he sounded relieved as well lol. I found it amusing because he is not used to receiving a Father’s Day call from any of his children. I just started calling my father for Father’s Day last year. If you keep up with my blogs, you’ll understand that aspect of our relationship. I told him that I would’ve brought him out for lunch, or bought him a present of some sort if I was down there with him.  He said in a low voice, “Your phone call is enough……” and it made me feel good to hear that. We both laughed about the fact that “Father’s Day” is not considered as important as “Mother’s Day” and he said he almost forgot it was Father’s Day, until I called lol. We have a similar nature/sense of humour, I know I get that from him…..He told me about his plans for the day, he explained to me that his hair has been “growing out” very big, and he just might cut it today. He continued telling me that he is not used to having a beard and all of this hair, because usually he keeps a clean face. As I listened to him, I realized that I have never heard my father talk about his hair before…..I told him that I have seen photos of him when he was younger and had the big afro, I even saw the photo of him with my mother when they were in their twenties. My cousin had got a hold of some old photos of him and sent them to me years ago. As he continued speaking I listened attentively, while thinking to myself, I know this man, but don’t……He told me he was going on the road to do a few things and he may pick a mango on the way, he explained how the  mango trees are in Jamaica, and that I’d love them, the freedom to pick a ripe mango whenever you want. He was telling me that if and when I come to Jamaica, I may never want to leave, and that it was my true home, people will treat me well when I come…..I have heard him say this before, but this time it was different, because last week I had told my father that I would not be travelling to Jamaica until some “unfinished business” was handled by his  other children, and that I am tired of having to deal with  all that was put on me by my siblings since mom passed away. I meant what I said, but I also can understand and empathize with my father simply wanting to see me in person…..

I felt the need to tell him that when I was younger, I used to make him Father’s Day cards in class, just to make them…..I didn’t think about how I was going to  get the card to him, I just made it  because it was Father’s Day…..He responded by telling me that he’s kept ALL of the drawings I ever did. I don’t think he can understand what that felt like for me, he grew up with a stand-up father who took great care of his wife and children. As a child, “Father’s Day” can be awkward and kind of shameful to a Fatherless child…..

I remember that one kid in my class, who’s father passed away recently, he made a Father’s Day card along with me, and I thought to myself, he doesn’t even have a father anymore, I wonder what that feels like…..

#HappyFathersDay

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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A Pound of Prevention…..

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Some people in my life have called me an”old soul”, some have said I “overthink”…..I had to look up the word, “overthink” to confirm if it  is a real word, well it is lol, and I’m okay with that title, but at one point I took it very personal if I was told that…..I have accepted that I have a tendency to overthink, except now, I’ve reserved it for situations that it’s needed. I found a new love and appreciation for my “overthinking” because it’s helped me navigate through challenging situations and come out okay in the end.

I feel that many “sticky” situations in life could be prevented by simply thinking twice BEFORE you do what your first instinct is. But it wasn’t always that way. I had  to train myself to balance my logic&emotions, even in times where my emotions wanted to take over…..There’s been several occasions where a bad situation didn’t turn to worse because I didn’t allow it to…..

My overthinking has helped to prevent altercations/fights from breaking out or continuing…..I didn’t get the last word when I felt I deserved to have it. I stood strong as a drunken verbal attack from a loved one almost provoked me to say words that I knew I could never take back once they left my lips…..I want you to know that in the angry moment, I felt overthinking was making me feel like a fool, because I actually wanted to go off of my first instinct, which was to defend myself without regarding the consequence. I am not perfect. The satisfaction I feel when I look back at how  a situation could’ve panned out had I not thought it through, even for a five seconds, the consequences would’ve been worse to live with. Cutting my loses and using my brain, being the one to back down, are all encompassed in my “Pound of Prevention.” I give credit to the quote that inspired my blog title. Respect to Benjamin Franklin.

I always loved that saying…..I used to wonder how that saying could be missed by many. It makes so much sense to me…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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