Fatherless Father’s Day…..

I called my dad today at 8:00am sharp. I didn’t want to forget to wish him a Happy Father’s day. When he answered the phone, I could sense he thought it was going to be bad news, I have a unique connection with my dad. I immediately said, “Good morning Dad, I’m just calling you to say Happy Father’s Day.” He responded graciously, and he sounded relieved as well lol. I found it amusing because he is not used to receiving a Father’s Day call from any of his children. I just started calling my father for Father’s Day last year. If you keep up with my blogs, you’ll understand that aspect of our relationship. I told him that I would’ve brought him out for lunch, or bought him a present of some sort if I was down there with him.  He said in a low voice, “Your phone call is enough……” and it made me feel good to hear that. We both laughed about the fact that “Father’s Day” is not considered as important as “Mother’s Day” and he said he almost forgot it was Father’s Day, until I called lol. We have a similar nature/sense of humour, I know I get that from him…..He told me about his plans for the day, he explained to me that his hair has been “growing out” very big, and he just might cut it today. He continued telling me that he is not used to having a beard and all of this hair, because usually he keeps a clean face. As I listened to him, I realized that I have never heard my father talk about his hair before…..I told him that I have seen photos of him when he was younger and had the big afro, I even saw the photo of him with my mother when they were in their twenties. My cousin had got a hold of some old photos of him and sent them to me years ago. As he continued speaking I listened attentively, while thinking to myself, I know this man, but don’t……He told me he was going on the road to do a few things and he may pick a mango on the way, he explained how the  mango trees are in Jamaica, and that I’d love them, the freedom to pick a ripe mango whenever you want. He was telling me that if and when I come to Jamaica, I may never want to leave, and that it was my true home, people will treat me well when I come…..I have heard him say this before, but this time it was different, because last week I had told my father that I would not be travelling to Jamaica until some “unfinished business” was handled by his  other children, and that I am tired of having to deal with  all that was put on me by my siblings since mom passed away. I meant what I said, but I also can understand and empathize with my father simply wanting to see me in person…..

I felt the need to tell him that when I was younger, I used to make him Father’s Day cards in class, just to make them…..I didn’t think about how I was going to  get the card to him, I just made it  because it was Father’s Day…..He responded by telling me that he’s kept ALL of the drawings I ever did. I don’t think he can understand what that felt like for me, he grew up with a stand-up father who took great care of his wife and children. As a child, “Father’s Day” can be awkward and kind of shameful to a Fatherless child…..

I remember that one kid in my class, who’s father passed away recently, he made a Father’s Day card along with me, and I thought to myself, he doesn’t even have a father anymore, I wonder what that feels like…..



~Dawn Lovely

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