dawnlovelysays.com

Please, Don’t Shoot The Messenger…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

…..Why do people always shoot the messenger???

The messengers purpose is to send a message, so why not just LISTEN and take it in? I just don’t get it! As I learn and grow older I see this more and more. It’s  frustrating and annoying because messages that should be delivered are not, due to a fear of backlash. I’ve held my tongue at times for this reason. I just didn’t want to deal with it, and I have always spoken up, but it’s a little too much to take a blow for delivering a message that needs to be delivered. The messenger has to bear the bad news in both senses of the word. If anything, they should be appreciated, not shunned.

The mainstream news on television airs all sorts of horrendous stories, and it would be silly to blame the reporters for reporting it, but people tend to attack the messenger based on “what” they are unfortunately,  I hate to say it. It’s ridiculous. If you were walking down the street and a stranger told you there was a terrible car accident a block ahead and the road was closed off, you wouldn’t automatically dismiss their message based on their outward appearance, or your perception of them, right? You’d Thank them, take the message,  and continue walking…..

But I guess it’s easier to shoot the messenger than face the truth, but doing so doesn’t change the truth in the message.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Empathy for Others Experiences…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

I’ll never forget the story a friend I met at camp told me about the manner in which she lost half of her family. She was born and raised in Spain and was of Spanish/Jamaican descent, but ended up in Canada due to losing her mother, therefore having to immigrate to Canada and live with her father. She told me that she watched helplessly as her mother and a few of her brothers drown in a flood in Spain. I listened in horror and was speechless. We were teenagers, and I couldn’t imagine losing my mother, much less half of my siblings…..I noticed the way she spoke of her fear of  water, going into lakes/swimming pools, and never learning how to swim because of it…..This made me look back at my experience with swimming, that happened to be awkward. I grew up attending summer “sleep away camp” as a child, but never fully knew how to swim. Due to moving around so much, I consistently missed some of the swimming lesson’s provided by whatever school  I was going to. There was so much going on, I never had the opportunity to fully learn. I even remember getting the chicken pox literally the FIRST day of swimming lessons once we moved to our permanent address, something always came up. Since my mother was a single mother, she couldn’t afford proper lessons for us, it wasn’t a top priority…..

At camp, I felt embarrassed having to wear the bracelet you are required you to wear that indicated you were NOT allowed in the “Deep End.” I wasn’t afraid of the water, I knew how to float, how to kick , but I still didn’t fully know how to swim…..I felt a sense of shame, watching the other children play in the water…..

I eventually  learned how to swim, very well. I was enrolled in swimming lessons and passed with flying colours, but it took time to get over that insecurity. There were a lot of bad memories, life experiences that were attached to not learning how to swim. Missing out, constantly moving from place to place, because of our father’s mistakes….My friend’s experience helped me value and appreciate my experience dealing with swimming, which can be a source of shame for those who are passed a certain age and never learned to swim. She went through WAY worse than me, losing her mother and some of her siblings, never feeling safe enough to enjoy the water, and attempt to learn to swim…..Her story became a part of my life experience…..I couldn’t empathize enough.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Part 2) A Different Conversation…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

I drank coffee tonight, I’m not a “coffee drinker” per se, but I went for a long walk, and for some reason I stopped off and grabbed a coffee…I have a lot on my mind lately and the coffee is keeping me up….

After I spoke to my father last night, I was sifting through everything he said to me…..There was so much information, so many memories that came back to me, so many questions that I finally had answers to. He was FINALLY staying on topic, addressing the issues, my complaints, my pain that I was expressing to him. I told him that I know there’s not much he can do to fix it, but I just wanted him to understand how tired I am from dealing with it alone. In my heart, I wanted him to say something, to speak up for me, defend me…..I wanted help, so I could complete the “unfinished business” that I intended on finally putting to rest years ago. My father started to open up in a way he hadn’t before and began to explain what he’s observed from afar. He told me that he’s noticed behaviour that he couldn’t understand…..He said that he knows what’s going on, although he isn’t here, his instincts are telling him. Then he surprised me by  describing his relationship my other siblings, and that he’s made much effort, even more than he’s made with me to re-build what’s been broken…..He admitted his vices, and said he was hurt by the “hot and cold” treatment that he’s been receiving since mom’s passing…..He shared details of past events and family issues that I was aware of, but never fully understood the root of…..I was surprised at his candor, yet it was familiar, because he spoke open with me when I was a child, but now I am an adult. I was connecting with him on the pain we were experiences in dealing with trying to accomplish closure, while dealing with others anger.

What really got me, was hearing his take on his relationship and love for my mother. I’ve heard stories about them growing up together, the first time she saw him, their dating years, and some nice photos, but this was different…..I was hearing my father finally admit his guilt, his conscience weighing on him because of how he treated my mother. The fact that everyone knew she was an angel, and “too good” for him. I was touched…..I was speechless as I listened to him pour his heart out and confess…..

The next day he phoned me to Thank me for reaching out to him, yet again….I told him, “No problem Dad…..” I didn’t have much to say to that. I’ve been reaching out to him for years…..I learned so much about my father from that conversation, and it made me want to meet see him in person even more. I felt proud of myself for helping him open up and connect with me as an adult, a grown woman.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

 

 

The Explosion…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

My friend called me from work to check in and see if I was okay. There has been a major explosion in the city I live in, near my area…..When I saw his number come up on my phone, I was immediately worried…..In the past, his phone calls have always seemed to bring about bad news. I answered reluctantly….When he asked me if I was okay, I was relieved because I thought something bad had happened to someone in my family, in his city.

When watching a tragedy like this on the news, it’s shocking, difficult to fathom what it would be like to be in THOSE people’s shoes. But when it happens near you,  of course, it’s different. It’s close to home, it could’ve been you…..

I told my friend that I live in a different area, that it didn’t happen near me, but it’s very close to where I live. After I found the news story on my phone, my mouth dropped….I couldn’t believe the site…..Beautiful homes now a pile of rubble in a “prominent” area…Nothing like this has ever happened in this city before….That I know of.

As I walked home from the store, I was thinking about how those people are feeling, what their going through…..We don’t experience tornadoes or earthquakes over here so this is  a rare an unusual occurrence. I thought to myself, while attempting to enjoy the remainder of the evening and nice weather. I took notice of the calm around me, folks walking their little dogs, riding their bikes, heading in and out of stores…..I thought, hmmmm this explosion happened a few blocks down from here, I wonder if anyone else is thinking what I’m thinking….It could’ve been ME…..

I haven’t been feeling well for the last few days, so I took the day off to rest. I felt renewed when I woke up. I tried to make the most of the day, and promised myself I’d get a little writing done and post a blog. I can honestly say that I count my blessings everyday, and simply feeling better today was a blessing.

I said Hi to my neighbours as I entered my place, and complimented them on how beautiful their garden is coming along. The nice, couple responded, “Thank you! We’re just trying to figure out where we should put this new plant we bought.” I looked at the little purple potted plant and smiled. My neighbours take such pride in their backyard…..I wonder if they wonder what it would be like to lose it, as the people a few blocks down from us have lost everything…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

A Different Conversation with Dad…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

I posted a blog on Father’s Day after having a brief conversation with my father. Since that day there has been a change, a shift in our relationship. I had another conversation with him since then, it was different than any other conversation we’ve had before. Because I haven’t seen him in person for so long, I try to express myself as much as I can, while taking him in and listening. It can be frustrating at times because he can not understand what it was like growing up because he was not there…..The whole time…Then he was gone for good. Letters and postcards, even “telegrams” were our connection. Phone calls can only go so far. I understand what it must be like for him to hear me say, “You don’t understand dad, you weren’t there to see…..” while trying to explain the extent to what’s been going on over here. I felt the need to share with him what HAS been going on over here lately…..I called him around 12:00am and apologized for calling so late, and he said, it’s okay, he expected a call. My father is intuitive by nature, and so am I. I tend to call him at the “right” times. I started telling him that the same fighting is starting back up again, the text message attacks, the uncouth behaviour, and craziness that never seems to end….After mom’s passing. I being the “odd man out” and choosing to go about my business, and stay as far away from it as possible have been targeted. I told him that I just want to get my closure and deal with the “unfinished business” and I can only take so much….. I WILL defend myself and I refuse to remain quiet. I’ve addressed the ROOT of the problem that has spiralled out of control and left me to fend for myself on family matters that I need and needed support to handle…..He told me to “stay strong” as he always has….I had to be honest with him…..I told him that I’m only human and there’s only so strong that I can be, there’s only so much one can take…..There was a long pause…..Then he finally began to open up, and what he said next was a BIG surprise to me…..It hit me, he is finally starting to GET it.

I just wanted to share that with you, I’ll continue in another blog.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

Adapting & Life…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

I always questioned that saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” because applying this to human beings doesn’t make sense since we are human beings, and adapting and changing is necessary for survival. Having to take on different problems and challenges in life is what makes life, life, right?

Elderly folks  fascinate me because  they have lived in times where life was very simple and  have made it through in these complicated times. They  are comfortable using technology, yet don’t allow it to “rule” them. They have adapted where they need to adapt, yet they could survive without it. That’s the best way to be in my opinion. Adapting when you need to. I remember an elderly woman from my old building that I use see often in the laundry room. We’d have a friendly chat every time I was doing laundry. She was seventy years old, but looked very youthful for her age. She told me how many major surgeries she had and how much therapy she’s gone through, which amazed me. You could never tell by her appearance. There was a new machine put in to use to load up money onto your “laundry card”  and she asked me if I could assist her with using the machine. She told me that she doesn’t use the machine. I found that amusing, considering it’s the only option available to put money on your card. As she handed me her bank card I thought to myself, she uses a bank card and there wasn’t always bank cards back in the day, yet she refuses to use this machine to load her laundry card, which is the same concept as a bank card….Well, I thought to myself, I guess she wasn’t willing to adapt to that change lol….I just wanted to share that story with you, I hope you took something out of it 😉

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

 

 

Fatherless Father’s Day…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

I called my dad today at 8:00am sharp. I didn’t want to forget to wish him a Happy Father’s day. When he answered the phone, I could sense he thought it was going to be bad news, I have a unique connection with my dad. I immediately said, “Good morning Dad, I’m just calling you to say Happy Father’s Day.” He responded graciously, and he sounded relieved as well lol. I found it amusing because he is not used to receiving a Father’s Day call from any of his children. I just started calling my father for Father’s Day last year. If you keep up with my blogs, you’ll understand that aspect of our relationship. I told him that I would’ve brought him out for lunch, or bought him a present of some sort if I was down there with him.  He said in a low voice, “Your phone call is enough……” and it made me feel good to hear that. We both laughed about the fact that “Father’s Day” is not considered as important as “Mother’s Day” and he said he almost forgot it was Father’s Day, until I called lol. We have a similar nature/sense of humour, I know I get that from him…..He told me about his plans for the day, he explained to me that his hair has been “growing out” very big, and he just might cut it today. He continued telling me that he is not used to having a beard and all of this hair, because usually he keeps a clean face. As I listened to him, I realized that I have never heard my father talk about his hair before…..I told him that I have seen photos of him when he was younger and had the big afro, I even saw the photo of him with my mother when they were in their twenties. My cousin had got a hold of some old photos of him and sent them to me years ago. As he continued speaking I listened attentively, while thinking to myself, I know this man, but don’t……He told me he was going on the road to do a few things and he may pick a mango on the way, he explained how the  mango trees are in Jamaica, and that I’d love them, the freedom to pick a ripe mango whenever you want. He was telling me that if and when I come to Jamaica, I may never want to leave, and that it was my true home, people will treat me well when I come…..I have heard him say this before, but this time it was different, because last week I had told my father that I would not be travelling to Jamaica until some “unfinished business” was handled by his  other children, and that I am tired of having to deal with  all that was put on me by my siblings since mom passed away. I meant what I said, but I also can understand and empathize with my father simply wanting to see me in person…..

I felt the need to tell him that when I was younger, I used to make him Father’s Day cards in class, just to make them…..I didn’t think about how I was going to  get the card to him, I just made it  because it was Father’s Day…..He responded by telling me that he’s kept ALL of the drawings I ever did. I don’t think he can understand what that felt like for me, he grew up with a stand-up father who took great care of his wife and children. As a child, “Father’s Day” can be awkward and kind of shameful to a Fatherless child…..

I remember that one kid in my class, who’s father passed away recently, he made a Father’s Day card along with me, and I thought to myself, he doesn’t even have a father anymore, I wonder what that feels like…..

#HappyFathersDay

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

 

 

 

A Pound of Prevention…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

Some people in my life have called me an”old soul”, some have said I “overthink”…..I had to look up the word, “overthink” to confirm if it  is a real word, well it is lol, and I’m okay with that title, but at one point I took it very personal if I was told that…..I have accepted that I have a tendency to overthink, except now, I’ve reserved it for situations that it’s needed. I found a new love and appreciation for my “overthinking” because it’s helped me navigate through challenging situations and come out okay in the end.

I feel that many “sticky” situations in life could be prevented by simply thinking twice BEFORE you do what your first instinct is. But it wasn’t always that way. I had  to train myself to balance my logic&emotions, even in times where my emotions wanted to take over…..There’s been several occasions where a bad situation didn’t turn to worse because I didn’t allow it to…..

My overthinking has helped to prevent altercations/fights from breaking out or continuing…..I didn’t get the last word when I felt I deserved to have it. I stood strong as a drunken verbal attack from a loved one almost provoked me to say words that I knew I could never take back once they left my lips…..I want you to know that in the angry moment, I felt overthinking was making me feel like a fool, because I actually wanted to go off of my first instinct, which was to defend myself without regarding the consequence. I am not perfect. The satisfaction I feel when I look back at how  a situation could’ve panned out had I not thought it through, even for a five seconds, the consequences would’ve been worse to live with. Cutting my loses and using my brain, being the one to back down, are all encompassed in my “Pound of Prevention.” I give credit to the quote that inspired my blog title. Respect to Benjamin Franklin.

I always loved that saying…..I used to wonder how that saying could be missed by many. It makes so much sense to me…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

I have been Tested…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

I have been Tested…..

An argument with my sibling almost tempted me to revert back to my angry defensive ways…Back when I didn’t know my limits, when I expected more out of people, especially those who I share the same DNA as me….Yelling in my face, threatening to “beat me up” won’t move me….I am beyond the petty immature behaviour. I wouldn’t back down from my stance. This has happened before in the past, when we were younger, but we are not little kids anymore. We are full grown adults, and I had to defend myself, without being violent. I had to remind myself that I’ve come to far to go back into that childish behaviour….I don’t even feel the need to prove myself or argue my point, however I will defend myself without hesitation. That’s the “new” me that “they” aren’t used to yet…. I know I am right, because I’ve been through it for years….All of the confrontations brought to me became easier to deal with, to get past…Like a video game that I’ve played a hundred times, and now know the levels, what to expect at each “Level”….I built courage in myself while coping mom’s passing, moving forward and building my adult path, deciding were I wanted to live, what I wanted to do with my time, what type of people I would put myself around…..Everything changed at once, all of my bonds, what I was used to,  were literally was removed from my life….I chose to accept that having stones thrown at me, was worth the pain if I was going to be true to myself…..

I have been Tested, and I’m even sharper for the next one that comes around.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂

 

 

 

 

Two Types of Tired…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 1 Comment

I haven’t posted in a while, I meant to, it’s just I haven’t had the chance to complete my thoughts. I’ve been working on this blog for a week, adding to it day by day….I was honestly too tired to complete it, and I don’t feel proud to admit that I was too tired to write…..

I’ve been working from home on my laptop for the last  three weeks attending virtual training class. I’ve been learning a lot, and although the hours are long to be sitting at a computer, I don’t mind it. I enjoy the learning process and interacting with the other students is fun as well, but sitting in front of a computer screen for seven hours plus is not easy. If your occupation requires you to sit at a computer all day, it’s difficult for the body to stay alert and concentrate. I was falling asleep the other day, but I was hearing everything going on, taking in everything that was being said. When I woke up from the minutes of slumber, I was able to apply the information and follow the instructions that were given by the teacher, so I wasn’t technically sleeping, but I wasn’t awake either…..I didn’t like the way I felt, so I decided to take a nap on my lunch break. I set my alarm for an hour, and went to sleep…..I was woken up by a text message alert from my friend, and I noticed the time on my phone and saw it was an hour past my time to wake up…..I was horrified!!! My alarm didn’t go off when it was supposed to, I had overslept and now I was going to have to explain this to my trainer. I was worried that I may possibly be kicked out of the class. I contemplated making up an excuse, lying, so I would not have to admit that I overslept. I thought about it, and then messaged my trainer and explained what happened…..He told me it was okay, and I was allowed to join the class. I was relieved, and felt silly for freaking out.

The times in my life that I felt the most tired was not from lack of sleep. It was from worrying, being hard on myself, overthinking, stressing out, and dealing with others negative energy…..Getting eight hours of sleep everyday could not cure those influences. I’ve learned that there are two types of tired; 1. Feeling emotionally tired 2. Feeling physically tired. In order for me to be able to keep myself healthy, I diagnose myself by acknowledging which type of tired I am when I am  feeling very tired. A few years ago I was seeing my doctor regularly because I was experiencing “blacking out” on a regular basis everyday after coming home from the  commute to work. The bus ride was four hours in total, and combined with working, I was left literally beat. My doctor questioned me and checked me out to find out if there may be another health issue contributing to this problem. She eventually concluded that I was simply doing “too much” and I had to change my lifestyle ASAP. I told her that I was handling many things on my own in addition to taking care of myself, but I had no other choice. I was still trying to deal with the messy aftermath of my mother’s passing…..She replied by stating to me that regardless of the reasons, I have to take care of myself and my “frame” can’t take the pressure I’m putting on myself. I 100% agreed with her and understood, yet I was apprehensive to actually follow her orders. I felt I wasn’t doing enough, and that I didn’t deserve to take it easy. I had to digest everything that was said to me and woke up the next day with a new perspective……I promised myself that I would not sacrifice sleep for anything, I will try to get at least five hours of sleep regardless of what’s going on in my life, and I will adjust everything else in my life to suit my overall health.

Sleep is more important to me for my inner and outer beauty than any outfit, make-up, jewellery….And I don’t like that tired feeling in my face when I don’t get sleep. I feel heavy and I don’t like the look in my eyes, it’s beyond beauty, I don’t like to look into my eyes and see a drained zombie looking back at me. That’s another reason why my I keep track of my “tiredness.” I know I can’t avoid being tired, but I do have the power to manage it the best way I know how.

It’s 5:00am now, I’m off to bed now, Take care and Enjoy your day 😉

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

Subscribe to Blog and it will be sent to your email, Follow button is at the bottom right of page 🙂