I posted a blog on Father’s Day after having a brief conversation with my father. Since that day there has been a change, a shift in our relationship. I had another conversation with him since then, it was different than any other conversation we’ve had before. Because I haven’t seen him in person for so long, I try to express myself as much as I can, while taking him in and listening. It can be frustrating at times because he can not understand what it was like growing up because he was not there…..The whole time…Then he was gone for good. Letters and postcards, even “telegrams” were our connection. Phone calls can only go so far. I understand what it must be like for him to hear me say, “You don’t understand dad, you weren’t there to see…..” while trying to explain the extent to what’s been going on over here. I felt the need to share with him what HAS been going on over here lately…..I called him around 12:00am and apologized for calling so late, and he said, it’s okay, he expected a call. My father is intuitive by nature, and so am I. I tend to call him at the “right” times. I started telling him that the same fighting is starting back up again, the text message attacks, the uncouth behaviour, and craziness that never seems to end….After mom’s passing. I being the “odd man out” and choosing to go about my business, and stay as far away from it as possible have been targeted. I told him that I just want to get my closure and deal with the “unfinished business” and I can only take so much….. I WILL defend myself and I refuse to remain quiet. I’ve addressed the ROOT of the problem that has spiralled out of control and left me to fend for myself on family matters that I need and needed support to handle…..He told me to “stay strong” as he always has….I had to be honest with him…..I told him that I’m only human and there’s only so strong that I can be, there’s only so much one can take…..There was a long pause…..Then he finally began to open up, and what he said next was a BIG surprise to me…..It hit me, he is finally starting to GET it.
I just wanted to share that with you, I’ll continue in another blog.
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