Continuing from where I left off…
I know the reason why we were forced to stay there and watch, an example was being set, it was done on purpose.
As I said in a previous blog, I never wanted to distrust the police. After this event, I was left with a negative impression, I viewed them as violent.
I was left with the impression that the police are violent for no reason. I witnessed it with my own two eyes, I didn’t need a rap song or a television show to give me that impression. I stopped trusting police and questioned their authority in my young innocent mind. At five years old, all you have is your parents and household environment to draw from. My parents were not violent in front of me, I had never seen them physically fight in front of me. I was not accustomed to seeing violence, except on television. I will reiterate that my parents were not anti-police and did not speak negatively of them or any athourity figures for that matter. I was taught you do not hit a person, male or female, without expecting them to hit you back. I was taught that you do NOT hit a person unprovoked.
If a person is NOT hitting you, yelling or screaming, threatening, acting aggressive, why would you hurt them??? Is violence necessary in a situation like that? And, if you are going to be violent, why do it in front of little children???Had my father been yelling, cursing, resisting arrest it would’ve made more sense.
I had to question, should I even trust police? They might do something terrible to me, they might hurt me the way I saw them hurt him. They are authority figures that I trusted. I would run to them if I didn’t have my parents and needed help. If I was ever in trouble outside, scared, lost or afraid, I would trust them practically equal to my parents.
During my childhood, I wondered what the police really thought of us. I imagined they probably thought we deserved to be exposed to them beating my daddy ‘s a***. Imagined they thought:
Your daddy is a criminal, so we are going to treat YOU like a criminal. You and your family do not deserve respect. We think you’re trash, We think you are bad, your father is bad, your house is bad, and we are going to destroy it.
I did not even think of my skin color or my father’s skin color, or their skin color. I just thought they hated us, looked down on us. I thought they did care at all about us…..
Well I learned and understood as the years went by, that many factors came into play with that traumatizing situation. My mother shared some info with me, and most I picked up on my own.
I expected the worst when it came to police, yet I still had trust and faith in them to do their job, I was just an innocent child.
I have more to say, and I’ll continue in another blog.
Take Care, Stay safe, and Stay tuned.
Love and Respect,