I’m at the point in my life where I’m 100% sure that being “nice” and doing the “right” thing does not always produce the results that I expect. I am not a pessimist, but when I do a “good deed” I do not expect “good” back in return. When I was younger I thought the saying, “No good deed goes unpunished” sounded strange, because why would a good deed be associated with being punishable???. Now that I am a grown woman, I do 100% understand why that saying is used so often in our society……..
I remember on numerous occasions when my father was around, I witnessed him giving to people. Just like my mother, my father was raised to be a giving, charitable person. He was giving to point that we were deprived of what we needed in order to help others. It’s unfortunate, but I’ve grown to understand that some people are giving to a “fault”. This was a life experience that has affected my character, and I inherited that trait from my parents, but I’ve decided not to allow niceness/kindness to be a vice.
An incident that remains in my memory is the time when we were walking to the neighborhood plaza and my father gave money to a panhandler who stands outside of the store everyday. I was four or five years old, I didn’t understand why the panhandler was standing there every single day. People would walk by him as if he wasn’t even there. Seeing my father acknowledge his existence and hand money to him, taught me the reason why he was standing there. I thought my father was a good person for doing so but the next day he didn’t give the man any money and I wondered why. In my innocent mind I thought, what makes today different from before? The man needs help, he needs money today too, right? So why didn’t my father give him any money?……….
The reality that you can’t always be “nice” and help everybody, always, everyday, is a truth that I still have issues accepting. It has hurt me in a few ways in life, people have tried to take advantage etc. I check myself when I start to feel guilt when I’m unable to help a person. I trust my gut when I feel I’m being taken for a fool. I’ve been told by many people that not everybody appreciates “nice” people. It’s the truth. Most nice/kind people end up being drained and pushed to a point of no return due to stress, which can eventually lead to death. My mother was one of those people, and I can’t deny that.
You can give of yourself and be left with virtually nothing, or you can give and allow yourself to be left with yourself, the self that you had before you chose to give in the first place. As I stated at the start of my blog, not expecting the same in return when you give, takes away any potential disappointment that you may be feel for doing what you felt was right and simply being being “nice.”
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2 thoughts on “What I’ve learned about being “Too Nice”………..”
Wow, great blog, very thought provoking, I think sometimes that being nice is just as much for our own selves as for others. It’s true we will be taken advantage of sometimes, but that’s part of it. Good stuff.
I appreciate the feedback 🙂