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You KNOW Better, So Do Better!

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

“Dad! People are Soooo Rude!” A young boy yelled out on the bus, after being abruptly brushed by a many passengers who were in a rush to get off the bus during rush hour. I haven’t taken the( TTC ) bus in over a decade and this area was vastly different compared to where I used to live. I  was appalled as I watched them COMPLETELY disregard the child, none of them even said excuse me….. I found this shocking, considering us “Torontonians” are known for our courtesy and manners, in public….His father explained to him that it was rush hour, and people are agitated, tired, and just want to go home. He reassured him that they’d be home very soon, and that he’d make him anything to eat that he wanted, which I found cute. The father did his best to comfort his child, but the fact that he chose NOT to say anything negative about the poor manners of the passengers, intrigued me….Perhaps he didn’t want to “call them out”, or he didn’t want to plant negative seeds in his son’s mind about public transportation. I thought to myself, this child may grow up thinking that this is just the “way” people are on the bus, when these adults are supposed to know BETTER. They are wrong and there is no excuse for it, and hearing a little boy become so upset and annoyed that he yelled, touched my conscience…..When I’m having a tough day and it’s almost coming to an end, I can be triggered by the smallest act of rudeness by a stranger. I don’t always address them, it’s not even worth it, but it does disrupt my peace temporarily. I realized what really gets to me, is the lack of effort to show a fellow human basic manners and respect. Saying Please/Thank You/Excuse Me only takes 2-3 seconds tops, and it can make a world of difference…..

I have hope, and believe that if those who KNOW better, simply DO better, we can set a better example for the generations after us. They won’t think twice to do better, because it will come naturally, once they learn. It’s baby steps that grown folks need to take, so our babies will follow suit…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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It Could Happen To You…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

I tried to avoid the news online about the flooding in Houston, because the sight of flooding gives me anxiety….The photos I saw on my twitter feed were shocking, it pained me to see. I had a flash back of my apartment flooding last year, watching helplessly as water quickly spread thorough out the place….I didn’t know the water was THAT high! I pictured being in those people’s shoes, wading alongside my belongings as I leave my home and say goodbye to everything I own…

I have never experienced a hurricane, being that I’ve only lived in Ontario, Canada, watching hurricanes on the news looked unreal to me, like a movie. I remember learning about hurricanes in school, and the science behind them. The “eye” of the storm being calm, is a fact that I found interesting and disturbing. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be in one. I was terrified based off of what I saw in the news coverage from other countries around the world. It looked as though the land would never be dry again, and re-building would take centuries…..

I’ve heard some say on social media and youtube, that the victims of the flood “knew” that  this could happen because of their location. I find it funny people say that, because we all live in places that are just as prone to natural disaster, i.e. a snow storm, ice storm, earthquake, or possibly a windstorm….Even if we live in areas that are considered “high-risk”, we don’t expect the WORST will happen. There are very beautiful condos by the waterfront  in Toronto that I’ve always dreamed of living in, flooding is the FURTHEST thought from my mind when I imagine living there…..

Regardless of how prepared you are, when the worst of the worst  does happen, it’s a slap in the face and a wake up call that it can happen to you too.

#PrayforHouston

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

 

PT 2, August&My Summer Sadness…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

Picking up from where I left off:

Before August ends I will bring myself to be at peace again with it, I will conquer my demons, finally…..

There are belongings of my mother’s that are very sentimental to me but I know mean much more to others. I’ve reached out to certain relatives who were very close to her, that shared common interests with her, to give them items like books and music. She had such a vast music and book collection that I always admired, and I remember asking her to borrow albums especially older music, classic albums from artists that my generation wasn’t familiar with. She didn’t mind, she was kind that way, I really loved that about her. She was a music lover to the tee, and had a very eclectic taste that was culturally diverse. I cherished her music collection, and I learned to love and appreciate music from all over the world because of her…..Going through and sharing her collection, hearing memories attached to a particular song makes me happy. It was fun reminiscing with my Auntie about the way she danced so well, or her favourite songs she’s play on repeat. I’m happy to give them away.

I also found peace and closure in another place, a very surprising and unexpected place, or I should say person…my father. I’ve grown closer to my father since my mother’s passing, although we’ve only talked on the phone. I hear my mother’s phrases, lessons, diction when he’s giving me advice…It’s quite astounding to me, I forgot how much alike they are. It’s comforting, and I feel actually feel protected…The way I used to feel after speaking with mom…..

Since my last blog post, things have been looking up, and I decided to focus on what I do have control over, what I’m able to do in the meantime.  I’ve had a few relatives reach out to me that I wish I felt comfortable speaking to, but I think it’s best not to speak until the correct actions are DONE regarding the unfinished business of mommy’s passing…..

As the month comes to an end, I enjoy the beautiful sunsets and brisk nights. My mother’s passing anniversary is approaching, and it means something different this year. Those demons, I ran away and I’m proud to say, I’m now at peace with August.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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August&My Summer Sadness…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

I can’t believe it’s August already. My mother’s passing anniversary is fast approaching and that “feeling” is starting to come over me, the feeling that August brings, every year…..The overcast masks the sun, it doesn’t look or feel like summer most days, but it’s beautiful nonetheless, especially at midday… I can’t help but stop and stare at the sky from the balcony everyday, the  view is lovely. I get lost in the large pond surrounded by greenery that accents it perfectly….I look at it everyday…..it helps to distract me from my sadness, I forget my problems, whatever’s weighing on my mind…

It’s still difficult for me to allow myself to feel sad, to first off, accept that I am sad, and allow myself to go through the emotion, instead of denying or suppressing it. I sometimes weep without cause, and I still have trouble admitting to myself that I have a problem with this. When August arrives, I’m forced to deal with it, I can’t escape the summer sadness….Not having closure regarding the aftermath of my mothers death has made August represent a negative time of the year, when it used to represent my favourite summer month. August used to mean the end of summer camp, time to go home to my warm bed, and prepare for back to school….it used to mean the summer month with the best weather, the most fun activities, it used to mean my mother’s birthday month, instead of the day her passing….August is not the cause of my sadness, it’s just a month in the year, but I’m still on my quest for closure, and before August ends I will bring myself to be at peace again with it, I will conquer my demons, finally.

To be continued…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

 

 

 

Respect the Pigeons!…..

~ dawnlovely ~ Leave a comment

Respect the pigeons! and I mean the REAL birds, not the “slang” term, I hope that title didn’t throw you off lol.

Since I’ve been staying in Toronto with my family, I’ve taken notice of the beauty of this side of the city, and I appreciate it so much more now. On my daily walk, I can’t help but stop and take a pic of nature and the  lovely scenery, before I even think of a taking a selfie. I’ve seen many different types of birds on a daily basis, ducks, seagulls, robins, blue jays, eagles, sparrows and last but not least, the infamous PIGEONS!…..

I forgot about pigeons, because there weren’t any where I used to live, and I’m NOT fond of them, for obvious reasons. There are MANY of them in this area, SO many that I don’t go on the balcony, I avoid them. I find pigeons to be messy, aggressive and a nuisance, plus they’re known to attack humans…..

There’s a handful of pigeons that frequent the balcony that are actually a family, I learned by way of my younger cousin. She told me that the two “thinner” pigeons who stick together, are siblings that grew “fast” from the two laid eggs that were previously in the corner. This surprised me because I didn’t know pigeons grew up so fast. I began observing the pigeons everyday and gained an interest and understanding of their world, but still stayed OFF the balcony. My aunt informed me that there was going to be repairs  being done to the balcony starting in the morning, and the balcony would have to be cleared off. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, didn’t want to go out there, but I finally mustered up the courage to do so. I have to admit, I was genuinely intimidated by of the gangs of pigeons lined up above me, glaring at me. I noticed a fluffier, chubbier, prettier, looking pigeon sitting in the corner of the balcony. Her eyes didn’t leave me as I cautiously moved around. A few pigeons flew fast and swiftly by, startling me, I yelped out trying not to be loud, feeling silly lol. I was relieved as I slowly dragged the last bag, that was near the staring pigeon. I was pleasantly surprised when she suddenly stepped up, revealing two small eggs, it was protecting it’s babies! That’s why it was sitting there, staring directly at me the whole time,  I had a feeling…..

I successfully completed the task, and the pigeons did not trouble me,  I understood they were simply protecting their turf, and I did my best to show them that I respected their turf…..I shared my pigeon story with my cousin, and told her that I conquered my fear and “faced the pigeons”, she laughed. She explained that the “chubby” pigeon sitting on the eggs was indeed a male, and the father protects the eggs too, which I didn’t know. That was the most fascinating lesson I learned…Plus I gained a new found respect for most notoriously “hated” birds in the city.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

 

 

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

I haven’t posted a blog in a few months…..I could have posted one last week, or even yesterday, but I was preoccupied dealing with my problems and worrying…Trying to come up with solutions to my problems, and contemplating how I allowed myself to get to this point…..I couldn’t post because I wasn’t in my writing vibe, I didn’t feel like “myself”……I couldn’t put a positive spin on how I felt, so kept it to myself…I didn’t want to be a “Debbie Downer”, otherwise, I would’ve wrote…..

I feel guilty for neglecting my blog, and all of my excuses haven’t helped me feel any better. The Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda’s, are a distraction, they  NEVER help…They almost feel like an addiction. I eventually woke myself up from their trance, and I feel refreshed and renewed. I realized what I was doing to myself, what I’ve been doing to myself, looking back, instead of looking forward to what I CAN do…..

I can’t get back the time I wasted, or undue what’s already been done, I can’t go back and refuse the help that I chose to receive, but ended up putting me in a WORSE position….I was not in control of the unfortunate circumstance that ended up putting me out of my home, the place I thought I was going to build my business…..If you keep up with my blog, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m working on conquering my vices the older I get, but I stumble sometimes and my fears creep up and I don’t always shoo them away…..Blaming myself for what I Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda did is a symptom of my fears and admitting that to myself was harder than sharing this blog with you.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Control Freaks & Giving Up Control…..

~ dawnlovely ~ 2 Comments

It’s almost 5:00am and I’m glad tobe back in my writing groove, I haven’t posted in a month, and  I’ve been adding pieces to the draft of this blog for a week. I’m going through some stressful life stuff, relating to the aftermath of the flood last year. Family and friends have been supportive, sending me words of encouragement, which has helped a lot. I feel as though last year was a looong test that I passed, but there’s more to learn and apply and I’m at the new start of a new chapter of my life. I’d like to share this with you…..

I’ve come to grips with the fact I just might be a “Control Freak”  to an extent, and that’s not easy for me to admit, because I’ve never considered myself one. I’ve been exposed to many self-proclaimed Control Freaks during the course of my life, and I understood their need to have things “their way.” I found myself effortlessly adhering to their demands, making sure I put EVERYTHING in the EXACT correct place, following directions to their satisfaction…..I felt that their “Control Freak” ways, were simply a part of their personality,  so I shouldn’t be bothered by it, but Control Freaks can be difficult to satisfy, and they may NEVER be satisfied no matter how much you care to appease them…I’ve never encountered a “chill”  control freak, they always seem to be on edge, which is not cool and wearisome to deal with……I realized that when I allow my mentality to become controlling over what is supposed to happen, that I’m essentially  blocking The Most High/ blocking my blessings, hence blocking my own path….Getting in my own way.

Since the start of the year I feel like I’m coming into a fresh new part of my adult life, but it’s coming together in a manner which I never could’ve anticipated. After my accident in January, I vowed that I would take it easy, not rush, and try to go with the flow. Unfortunately the events  that took place late last year have put me in a position that has backed up my initial plans for 2016/2017 and my mind hasn’t been in “zen” mode, but in rush mode…..

I caught myself though, and since I’ve given up control, this tough time feels like a walk in the park, and I’m focusing on what I can do, which is all I can do.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

Follow me @ :https://twitter.com/iamdawnlovely

 

 

 

 

Valentine’s Day, Through a Child’s Eyes…..

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I remember dreading Valentine’s Day in primary school, because I didn’t want to have to ask my mother to purchase Valentine’s cards, that students were EXPECTED to hand out. I knew she couldn’t afford these extra expenses, and since there was a handful of us in primary school, I felt shameful to ask knowing we all would…..I thought it wasn’t an important holiday to recognize among  us  children, we were just children…We didn’t have romantic feelings,  for one another,  the most would be a “crush”  here and there…..I loved the chocolate and candies though, that was my favourite part. I looked forward to sharing candy with my classmates, that was fun, or when the teacher allowed us to have a party, where we all brought snacks, and shared……I felt we were forced to had out cards to each other, when the majority of us didn’t even like each other, we tolerated each other, being classmates. It was weird picking out the “appropriate” card for the kid in my class who was rude, a jerk, and would tease others daily…..I didn’t want to give them a card period, and I most definitely did want them to feel they had to give ME one…If they did, I politely Thanked them, but thought to myself, “You only did that because you HAD to…..” it was very insincere, fake, and it went against my ethics. Even as a child, I had a code of ethics that I tried to follow, regardless of my peers actions. I made sure to give a Valentine’s Card, a “nice” one, to that loner kid,  the boy who was constantly bullied, teased, or ignored. That was the one good deed that I could do to make this day better for another, but I felt the whole tradition was silly to promote to us…Children.

I hope my blog didn’t sour your Valentine’s Day! lol

 

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Appreciating “Bad” Dreams Part 2…..

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Continuing from where I left off…..

The  discomfort my bad dreams cause me, pushes me to get to the root of the reason I had that dream, and why it affected me. I’ve starting off my morning replaying the scene from my dream over and over again, reminding myself that the dream wasn’t REAL. I try not to allow it to ruin my day, but I end up distracted and preoccupied with it…The only solution is tapping into those dreams, and reading up  on unusual symbols that may have a deeper meaning. Whatever it is that my subconscious has brought to the surface, I confront head on, and research like a project….

I had an incredibly frustrating dream the other night, it wasn’t a scary dream, but bad nonetheless:

There was a very large ostrich that I was taking care of, and I didn’t know what to do with it, it was ENORMOUS and very difficult to control. The ostrich was not mine, it belonged to my siblings, and we were living back at the house  we grew up in. I took responsibility of the ostrich, I don’t know why, ( I guess in the dream he was being neglected) but I was stressed out and at my wits end. I was attempting to transport the ostrich downstairs, so I could feed him and tend to his needs, but he was rambunctious, and I couldn’t handle him. There wasn’t anybody around to ask for help,so I had to figure out myself…..Eventually I made my way downstairs with the ostrich in a tub with a cover over it, worrying that he would suffocate. I finally reached my destination,  and saw a few of my siblings gathered in the kitchen, so I abruptly yelled, “Can you PLEASE help me??!!! I need to feed him too! He’s going to run all over!” but they ignored my plea. I took the cover off of the tub, and was horrified to see the ostrich had shrunk! He was skinny and looked very malnourished…I felt awful, that was exactly what I was trying to prevent, he looked as though he was clinging to life! I screamed, “SEE? Look what happened!!!!”…..

I woke up annoyed, frustrated and a little upset, and as I went about my regular morning routine, the dream popped into my head. My family’s house, my siblings  and the ostrich. I quickly wrote down what I could remember, and the first symbol I looked into was the ostrich, surprisingly it came up quick in the dream dictionary. Much to my surprise, the ostrich has a very powerful meaning, I never would have guessed! It’s a symbol of “Truth and Justice” and that explains why I was very protective over it in the dream. It related to how I’ve felt  in my family. Me having to take on a big  family related responsibility, a crucial responsibility, without support or cooperation…Not being listened to, and a terrible outcome as a result, which I’ve spoke about in my other blogs…..

I hope my sharing this odd dream helps you in some way. This is one of MANY odd “bad”dreams that I’ve had in the last few months due to the unfortunate chain of events. I do appreciate those dreams though, and I’m always fascinated with what I discover about myself. I feel better in the end too.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Appreciating “Bad” Dreams PT 1…..

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I’ve  grown to love my dreams, and appreciate my nightmares. I’m sure to look into my dreams and nightmares regardless of how they make me feel. Being that I’m a writer, I sleep with my notepad by my head, so I can grab for it if I ever have any thoughts to jot down. Sometimes when I’m extremely tired, stressed out, or had a scary  dream, I forget my dream upon waking up. This frustrates me and I close my eyes and try to focus to remember what I saw in my dream, then tell myself, if it was that important, I’d remember what it was…..

My worst dreams, the ones that have me waking up in a tizzy, hoping that it WAS just a dream, have the most significance and meaning to my life. I treat those dreams with high priority, they help me to better understand myself, improve, get past challenges that are holding me back from moving forward. As I’ve grown older I’ve noticed I have fewer dreams that I consider “bad” because I view them in a different light. I tap into those dreams , recalling “who” or what I saw that bothered me…The discomfort I feel, I use as a driving force to  encourage myself to fully acknowledge/analyze WHY  I had that dream, and the reason I feel the way I do…I’ll continue in my next blog.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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