I remember dreading Valentine’s Day in primary school, because I didn’t want to have to ask my mother to purchase Valentine’s cards, that students were EXPECTED to hand out. I knew she couldn’t afford these extra expenses, and since there was a handful of us in primary school, I felt shameful to ask knowing we all would…..I thought it wasn’t an important holiday to recognize among  us  children, we were just children…We didn’t have romantic feelings,  for one another,  the most would be a “crush”  here and there…..I loved the chocolate and candies though, that was my favourite part. I looked forward to sharing candy with my classmates, that was fun, or when the teacher allowed us to have a party, where we all brought snacks, and shared……I felt we were forced to had out cards to each other, when the majority of us didn’t even like each other, we tolerated each other, being classmates. It was weird picking out the “appropriate” card for the kid in my class who was rude, a jerk, and would tease others daily…..I didn’t want to give them a card period, and I most definitely did want them to feel they had to give ME one…If they did, I politely Thanked them, but thought to myself, “You only did that because you HAD to…..” it was very insincere, fake, and it went against my ethics. Even as a child, I had a code of ethics that I tried to follow, regardless of my peers actions. I made sure to give a Valentine’s Card, a “nice” one, to that loner kid,  the boy who was constantly bullied, teased, or ignored. That was the one good deed that I could do to make this day better for another, but I felt the whole tradition was silly to promote to us…Children.

I hope my blog didn’t sour your Valentine’s Day! lol

 

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Continuing from where I left off…..

The  discomfort my bad dreams cause me, pushes me to get to the root of the reason I had that dream, and why it affected me. I’ve starting off my morning replaying the scene from my dream over and over again, reminding myself that the dream wasn’t REAL. I try not to allow it to ruin my day, but I end up distracted and preoccupied with it…The only solution is tapping into those dreams, and reading up  on unusual symbols that may have a deeper meaning. Whatever it is that my subconscious has brought to the surface, I confront head on, and research like a project….

I had an incredibly frustrating dream the other night, it wasn’t a scary dream, but bad nonetheless:

There was a very large ostrich that I was taking care of, and I didn’t know what to do with it, it was ENORMOUS and very difficult to control. The ostrich was not mine, it belonged to my siblings, and we were living back at the house  we grew up in. I took responsibility of the ostrich, I don’t know why, ( I guess in the dream he was being neglected) but I was stressed out and at my wits end. I was attempting to transport the ostrich downstairs, so I could feed him and tend to his needs, but he was rambunctious, and I couldn’t handle him. There wasn’t anybody around to ask for help,so I had to figure out myself…..Eventually I made my way downstairs with the ostrich in a tub with a cover over it, worrying that he would suffocate. I finally reached my destination,  and saw a few of my siblings gathered in the kitchen, so I abruptly yelled, “Can you PLEASE help me??!!! I need to feed him too! He’s going to run all over!” but they ignored my plea. I took the cover off of the tub, and was horrified to see the ostrich had shrunk! He was skinny and looked very malnourished…I felt awful, that was exactly what I was trying to prevent, he looked as though he was clinging to life! I screamed, “SEE? Look what happened!!!!”…..

I woke up annoyed, frustrated and a little upset, and as I went about my regular morning routine, the dream popped into my head. My family’s house, my siblings  and the ostrich. I quickly wrote down what I could remember, and the first symbol I looked into was the ostrich, surprisingly it came up quick in the dream dictionary. Much to my surprise, the ostrich has a very powerful meaning, I never would have guessed! It’s a symbol of “Truth and Justice” and that explains why I was very protective over it in the dream. It related to how I’ve felt  in my family. Me having to take on a big  family related responsibility, a crucial responsibility, without support or cooperation…Not being listened to, and a terrible outcome as a result, which I’ve spoke about in my other blogs…..

I hope my sharing this odd dream helps you in some way. This is one of MANY odd “bad”dreams that I’ve had in the last few months due to the unfortunate chain of events. I do appreciate those dreams though, and I’m always fascinated with what I discover about myself. I feel better in the end too.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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I’ve  grown to love my dreams, and appreciate my nightmares. I’m sure to look into my dreams and nightmares regardless of how they make me feel. Being that I’m a writer, I sleep with my notepad by my head, so I can grab for it if I ever have any thoughts to jot down. Sometimes when I’m extremely tired, stressed out, or had a scary  dream, I forget my dream upon waking up. This frustrates me and I close my eyes and try to focus to remember what I saw in my dream, then tell myself, if it was that important, I’d remember what it was…..

My worst dreams, the ones that have me waking up in a tizzy, hoping that it WAS just a dream, have the most significance and meaning to my life. I treat those dreams with high priority, they help me to better understand myself, improve, get past challenges that are holding me back from moving forward. As I’ve grown older I’ve noticed I have fewer dreams that I consider “bad” because I view them in a different light. I tap into those dreams , recalling “who” or what I saw that bothered me…The discomfort I feel, I use as a driving force to  encourage myself to fully acknowledge/analyze WHY  I had that dream, and the reason I feel the way I do…I’ll continue in my next blog.

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Continuing…..

I felt terrible and embarrassed, I felt that I ruined my neighbour’s night. I was in pain, in shock, and I was tired. I felt as though I had woke up from a dream, as I looked in the mirror at my face. I immediately noticed my nose looked crooked! I took a closer look thinking, What did I do to myself??? I didn’t look like myself. My bridge was swollen along with the bruises under my eyes. The cut above  my left eyebrow was bleeding down my face, both cuts were deep and open. My face was sore from the scrapes and abrasions, that were unsightly and  very painful…..I felt like going to lay down and curl up in a ball and go to sleep, but of course I couldn’t. I knew I may have a concussion, or have broken/fractured bones, so I had to go to the  emergency room…I grabbed a few items, and tried to straightened myself up as the taxi arrived. My neighbour lead the way, quietly supporting me. I felt blessed to have her with me, she was super calm like me, and this would’ve been very difficult if she wasn’t. I know the emergency waiting room would be packed and hectic, I anticipated that the wait would be very long, and it was…..

As we waited, I felt weak and was trying to stay awake. The registration clerk commented that I looked “pale”, I felt like I was floating as I gave her my information. While we were sitting, I engaged in conversation with my neighbour to help me stay awake, while people looked on. They were staring, but trying not to stare, and I could feel that they were wondering, What happened to her??? I felt they assumed I was assaulted in a domestic dispute. I hate to be stared at, and I was self-conscious about my open bleeding wounds, my battered look drew attention, but I was cool-as-a -cucumber…..

After my name was called for the next waiting room, I prepared for the awkward series of check ups, and hospital gown. I was relieved that I made it through the first 2 hours, waiting, hoping, and praying in my mind helped a lot. I received responses and support from the few family and friends that I told, I didn’t tell the majority because I knew they’d freak out. Of course, they  were extremely worried and concerned. My  cousin told me that she told her co-worker that I’m  “really into my looks” that “I care about my skin  etc.” so this must be devastating for me…I thought, Damn, do I come off vain???…..I do care about my looks…..

My neighbour waited peacefully and patiently with the other patients as I returned from the first tests. She told me I looked a lot better, I’d gained the colour back in my face. I told her I felt better, knowing that I didn’t have any life threatening injuries, and my faith re-energized me. I felt a rush of energy, I wasn’t sure where it was coming from, but I felt stronger. My neighbour’s peaceful demeanor was reassuring, she had a piece of clay that she’d been molding to help her pass the time. She is a professional Artist, I’ve seen her work before, and it’s exquisite, but watching her create was astounding. The carving was of a man’s face, she’d been working on it since we arrived, and it looked amazing. Others looked on as I joked with her about the fact that she was able to use this trying time to create a masterpiece. I couldn’t believe she was able create a carving with such fine details with her bare hands, and in such a chaotic environment!

The night lasted into the wee hours of the morning, I waited and waited, as I listened to the commotion all around me. Finally  the doctor came into see me, she asked me what happened in a concerned tone. She assessed that I was coherent, with no neurological issues, needed stitches, and x-rays for nose. She told me not to worry, that I’d be okay. My neighbour had to leave, she stayed for approx seven hours, and I Thanked her graciously. She told me she’d be sure to give me her completed carving, as a memento of the nights events. I collect art, I thought that was cool 🙂 . I waited and waited and finally got my x-rays and last the stitches. My cousin was on her way to pick me up, I Thanked the doctor, and prepared to go home, FINALLY. Whew!

It’s been a month, and I’m healed up, but handling other business/drama regarding the flood. My neighbour was kind enough to check in with me a few times, but she hadn’t seen me. We met up to chat, and she was ecstatic about the results of my healed face, the fact that I only have a scar above my eyebrow. She told me she had a gift for me, it was the finished carving. She explained that the carving was very symbolic for another reason, the face happened to have a nick, a mark, in the exact same place as my scar. She told me she couldn’t get rid of it, it was baked into the carving…We chuckled at the irony…..

I chose to share this story because it was a lesson that I can not forget, because I have a scar on my face to remind me. The scar may lighten up more, but it will be visible, and I know that’s for a reason…..Whenever I feel the urge to rush, I remember the the looong ordeal, from the flood to my accident that followed. I will also remember the kindness and selflessness of my upstairs neighbour and her husband. But most importantly, the pain I endured inside and out…..

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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Continuing …..

First off, Happy New Year 🙂 it’s the second week of 2017, and I’m happy to be alive. I’m almost completely healed up. I rested as much as possible, in order to heal up as quickly as possible, but I wasn’t rushing ;). I didn’t know that a part of the “proper” healing process for bruising specifically, is allowing the  body to rest, so I complied…..

I was reluctant to explain how and why I fell because I felt a tad embarrassed, and disappointed in myself. I felt I could’ve prevented it. I’ve played the last moments before I fell in my head over and over again…I reflected on what I should’ve done, I shouldn’t have tried to walk when I was feeling light-headed, I should’ve crouched down or sat because I wasn’t feeling right, I shouldn’t have been rushing…..I had a long day, was up early packing, it was the start of X-mas holidays, after finally returned home after three months, I was preparing to get my life back to normal and feel settled. I was rushing to settle in which I know, doesn’t make sense…..

I don’t remember falling because I blacked out, I woke up at the bottom of the stairs, feeling like I had a peaceful short dream. My neighbour was lightly shaking my arm asking me if I was okay, she witnessed the entire fall down the full flight of stairs. I immediately got up, shocked and embarrassed, feeling terrible for traumatizing my neighbour. I told her, I can’t believe I did that in front of you! She was very calm and understanding, and was making sure I was okay. I was in pain, and after looking in the mirror, I was horrified at the damage that was done to my face. My nose bridge looked clearly crooked, the deep cuts were bleeding down my face , I had several abrasions and bruises under my eyes. I didn’t even pay attention to the soreness of my legs. I was in shock, I had never seen my face look that way before, I knew I had to go to the emergency room. I REALLY didn’t want to go, I don’t like hospitals, I avoid them at all cost. My neighbour called a taxi,as her husband came rushing down the stairs to see what had happened. I felt awful for including her in this, she was coming with me. I didn’t want her to feel obligated to help me, and I thought to myself,”This is the holidays! This is NOT the time for this! Now I’m burdening my neighbour! Why did I do this to myself???.”……….

As I said in my last blog, I learned my most VALUABLE lesson of the year before 2016 ended, and it’s one I will never forget. I’ll conclude the story in my next blog, stay tuned…

 

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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I was in the grocery store waiting in the checkout line close to closing time, when a young man with one item stepped in line (I didn’t mean for that to rhyme lol). I had a lot more items than him, so I told him that he could go in front of me, he was surprised and asked me if I was sure. Before he stepped ahead the cashier was in the process of completing a transaction, a return or exchange which was taking a while, a looong while ….I waited patiently, then I began to think about leaving the store, walking home, and what I was going to make for dinner…I thought about how much time was going by, although I wasn’t exactly in a rush. Since I’ve been staying in this new town, I’ve noticed the slow, laid-back pace and became accustomed to it…My mind drifted more and more, I noticed the young man becoming restless, we didn’t anticipate the wait would be this long. When I invited him to step in front of me, I was trying to save him time ironically…Then this thought came to mind, What’s the rush??? Why in our society are we always in a rush?…..

I remember back in high school days working at the Deli counter, and having to diffuse and mediate arguments between customers claiming they were next in line. I found it ironic that the argument lasted longer than the amount of time it took actually serve BOTH customers! Absolutely ridiculous, the customers wasted more time trying to be first and also wasted my energy…..Smh…..I find it absurd when folks become agitated over long lines/slow moving lines, it’s something you have no control over in life, so why let it get to you??? I’ve used this premise to remind myself NOT to rush for rushing’s sake. Rushing causes more problems than waiting out the wait. I’ve had a few minor accidents and silly mishaps as a result of rushing. I remember poking myself in the eye with a tweezers, and having to go to a job interview with a blood-shot eye as a result of rushing. I felt stupid, and it wasn’t because of the way I “looked” either…..

I recently had a MAJOR  accident, the first one I’ve ever had in my life. I fell down a flight of stairs, and literally fell on my face. I went to the “emergency room” for the first time in my life.  I didn’t suffer any life threatening injuries, however I did severely hurt my nose, cut and bruise my face and legs. I received stitches and the throbbing pain I endured from my face lasted longer than a week. Lacerations and heavy swelling due to my black eyes, is something I’ve never experienced. The physical pain was nothing compared to the mark it put on my spirit…..As my cuts and bruises heal up, I await to see the doctor regarding the status of my nose injury. My injuries have practically disappeared to the eye, even my pre-scars aren’t that bad…..

I fell due to the fact that I was RUSHING, and didn’t fall due to “clumsiness”, but pushing myself waaay too hard…..I blacked-out before my fall…I don’t even remember falling….

I learned my most VALUABLE lesson of the year before 2016 ended, it’s one I will never forget as long as I have my memory. Stay tuned for part 2, and “Happy” New Year 🙂

Love&Respect,

~Dawn Lovely

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